The Pretence
by fangirl1982
Summary: Follows Sean's death. Jack and Gabrielle give into temptation and their grief and have to deal with the consequences.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: The Pretence

**Rating**: M

**Summary**: Jack and Gabrielle give into grief and temptation following Sean's death and have to deal with the consequences.

**Disclaimer: Of course I don't own anything - if i did, I'd be writing scripts, not fanfiction. But a mate of mine went to WAAPA with Virginia Gay, if that's a claim to anything :p**

_I miss Mark Priestley. I miss Wil Traval. I miss Jolene Anderson._

She holed herself up in consult room one, wanting to be alone. So much had happened today, she had her whole goddamn nursing staff looking to her for cues and she couldn't bloody handle it all the time. She needed a few minutes alone…

Jack Quade opened the door and peeked in. "Gabrielle," he said smoothly. "Have you seen Charlotte?"

Gabrielle frowned. Zoë had Frank, Charlotte had Vincent and Jack, she had a nursing staff looking to her for cues. It wasn't fair. "She's with Vincent," Gabrielle said shortly.

"So she's not alone then," Jack said, and Gabrielle felt another stab of resentment. She got that Charlotte and Vincent were close because of their marriage and long standing friendship. She got that Charlotte and Jack were close because of their pregnancy and miscarriage. But it didn't seem fair that Sean's two closest friend's had people to turn to while she had a goddamn consult room.

"No, she's not," Gabrielle said, with more bitterness then she meant.

Jack stepped into the room fully, shutting the door, Gabrielle heard the click of the lock mechanism sliding into place. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"You look like you need someone. Don't worry, I've just kicked a few walls and bawled my eyes out, so I'm not about to fall apart." He took a few steps closer to him and said, more softly, more intimately, in that voice that could get through to the most emotionally isolated patients, "I'm not your staff. You can bawl your eyes out if you want to and I won't say anything to anyone."

Christ, with all the rumour and innuendo swirling about him – the last two female NUMs confirmed lovers, one of their best friend's knocked up – that was one thing you could give Jack credit for. He took a confidence to the grave.

Her face looked near to crumbling, and he quickly closed the space between them so that when her knees buckled, she was securely ensconced in his arms. He wasn't about to say sweet platitudes about it all being alright. It wasn't going to be alright, ever. They had just tried frantically to save a colleague – and failed. Dan had already gone home – and, Jack was sure, was right now consulting the extent of their bar. He himself had been forbidden to return to work today or tomorrow. It wasn't going to be OK. Ever.

But he could hold her and say "Do what you need to." He could hold her as someone who understood the terrible situation they'd both just been party to. He could hold her with some degree of understanding as she sobbed uncontrollably in his arms, her stoicism having given way to the promise of someone who was offering his arms to cry in without any repercussions from her staff.

Gently, he scooped her into his arms and settled them both onto the bed, her sitting in his lap. She didn't notice. She was too busy crying into his chest, her arms wrapped around his neck. "Oh, God, why couldn't we do anything?" she asked rhetorically. "Why couldn't we save him?" She mumbled about what they could have done between bouts of sobs and silent periods.

He ran his fingers through her hair, across her neck, giving the security she needed to let go. It must have taken some effort to hold that in, he thought. Impulsively he kissed the top of her head and held her tighter, feeling her tears seep through his shirt and onto his chest. It was an incredibly strange feeling to have someone as much of a leader as Gabrielle was crying in his arms – he barely knew her, and was only in this situation because he'd been looking for Charlotte.

But along the way he'd found someone who was just as much in need of comfort, who didn't have anyone else. He couldn't just leave her.

He found himself tearing up again and he sniffled. He hadn't known Sean that well – the ED staff had to be feeling this much harder than he was – but well enough that his death had cut deeply into Jack's psyche. It was never easy to lose a patient, and when that patient was a colleague…

When he got home he was going to get very drunk. He needed an outlet for his anger and frustration, and that seemed like the best solution.

Christ, he hoped Dan was home. And that he hadn't invited Erica over and the two of them were off doing their little thing. Not that he could have blamed his housemate if that's what Dan wanted to do – Dan and Erica had been closer to Sean then Jack had so Jack couldn't begrudge Dan if Erica was the person he wanted to be with – but the last thing Jack wanted tonight was to be alone.

Unconsciously he held Gabrielle tighter, the fingers on the back of her neck becoming almost loverly in the way he was running them across her skin. Setting physical boundaries with attractive women had never been Jack's forte. Even if he _had_ made that crack to Dan last year about swearing off blonds forever because they only ever got him into trouble.

Christ, he really had no sense of personal boundaries, he thought, suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he had the ED's NUM in his lap, that a few minutes ago he'd bundled her into his arms like a girlfriend, or at least a close friend. Could you even call them _friends_, he wondered? He barely knew her.

At yet here she was in his lap.

Gabrielle pulled away from him slightly so she could look up at him. Their eyes connected. And thought neither would ever be able to say who it was who kissed who, they were kissing, their mouths fused together. Their tongues met. Jack's fingers slid from the back of her neck into her hair, fumbling with the clip that held it up. Gabrielle's hands went from around his neck to one running her fingers through his hair, the other down his back. He bucked against her involuntarily. What could he say, he liked to be touched.

She tugged at his shirt, letting it out of his pants, and ran her fingers along the bare skin of his back. He let out an involuntary groan and buried his face in her neck, inhaling the smell of her – her soap, deodorant, shampoo, the lingering impression of the day's blood, sweat and tears. He began to kiss her neck.

She shivered and continued to run her fingers across his bare back. She didn't know what the hell she was doing, making out with _Jack Quade_ of all people – a man everyone had warned her about when she'd started working here – she only knew that he was making her feel damn good in every sense of the word. "Jack?" she questioned him as she ran her fingers along the thin horizontal lines on the small of his back. There were a couple of them.

She had ten year's training as a nurse. She knew what the most likely cause of such marks were – brutal and frequent assaults with something long and fairly thin, like a belt.

Jack tensed up. "I'll tell you about it later," he said.

She liked the sound of his 'later' and moved her hands upwards. She moaned when he slid his hand between her legs. Oh, Christ, it had been ages, she'd forgotten how good it was.

Maybe she hadn't forgotten. Maybe it had never felt as good as this – and they had barely started. God knew it had to be good for her to forget herself like this, with nothing but a locked door between them and the place they both worked.

But it was more then just physically feeling good. There was a connection there. She had never spent that much time with Jack – just enough to idly wonder how much of his reputation as a compulsive seducer of nurses he was – but here and now, it felt like on some level she'd known him for ages. He made her feel strong, he made her feel protected, he made her feel relaxed and attractive and sexy.

His fingers fumbled with the top button of her pants, not an easy task given he was kissing her and supporting her back at the same time. She felt giddy by his kisses, his tongue probing her mouth, encouraging her to return the favour… she gasped when he finally got the button undone, pulled down the zipper and slid his fingers between her legs.

"Jack!" she half-whispered, half-groaned. She didn't know whether to feel trampy or delirious with desire to know that it hadn't taken much to get her wet, and what Jack was doing with his fingers wasn't helping. Within a minute she was squirming and whimpering.

He manoeuvred them both she was on her back on the bed, him on top of her, straddling her, his knees on the outside of her legs, pinning her down – as if she could possibly feel confined – resting the bulk of his weight on his knees. He did this without stopping the steady stream of kisses he was showering her with – not that she would have let him. She was as hungry for intimacy and connection as he was.

She slid her hands down the front of his chest, running her fingers along the top of his pants, enjoying the way he bucked involuntarily whenever she touched his bare skin. She found it odd that someone as aloof as Jack was craved physical touch as much as he did – or seemed to – but also endearing.

Jack, she decided, was someone she wanted to get to know more intimately. She couldn't help but find her thought amusing – she _was_ already pretty intimate with him. She slid her hand further down his body to his groin, and was rewarded with an impressive hard-on. Jack groaned when she began rubbing him through the material of his pants . He hadn't had sex in nearly a year and he hadn't realised how much he'd missed it until five minutes ago.

Christ, he was completely hot for Gabrielle, and he had no idea why. He'd never been that fussed on blonds, and after Deanna he'd decided NUMs were completely off limits. Especially the ED ones.

But here was, making out with her in a consult room, fingering her, becoming aroused at the sounds she was making, and her own increased arousal – he couldn't remember wanting a woman as much. Not Deanna, certainly not Terri or – shit, what was her name again? Jack tried to remember the name of the girl he'd dated briefly last year, but he was drawing a blank, and gave up completely when Gabrielle applied more pressure to his groin.

"Sweetheart," he said, feeling strange for applying such an endearment to someone he barely knew professionally, let alone personally, but thinking it would be wrong _not_ to apply an endearment at this stage, "do you want this?"

The question was so vague and out of the blue that Gabrielle stopped what she was doing and pulled away from Jack slightly so she could meet his eyes. "Huh?" she asked, confused.

"Do you want to have sex with me?"

The answer to the question was so obvious that Gabrielle couldn't help but laugh at the ludicrousness of Jack asking it. "Do you really have to ask that?" she asked incredulously.

"Humour me."

For a second, she tried to read him, wondering what had happened that he had to stop and ask for consent when consent should have been as plain as day. But Jack's eyes were like closed shutters, revealing nothing as he patiently waited for her to consent – or tell him to get the hell off her.

"Yes," she whispered, started up her hand motions again. "Yes, I want to have sex with you."

Jack rose to his knees and, in one swift motion, pulled off Gabrielle's pants and underwear. She couldn't help but blush slightly at how… _exposed_ she was. In a consult room, no less.

"It's OK," she said when she caught him looking at her with concern. "It's just… not ideal." She'd prefer her bed. She'd prefer to not be insanely attracted to a surgeon with a reputation for sleeping with every woman who'd held her position.

"You want to stop?" he asked, determined to stop if she said so, although not entirely sure how he was going to achieve that. He wanted her badly. He wanted to be inside her, he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to hold her tightly.

"No," she said certainly. Then she blurted out, "I want you to kiss me again."

He wedged his hand between her legs, a silent command to open them. She did. He fumbled with his belt and zipper, pulling his pants down to his thighs, revealing an impressive erection which Gabrielle couldn't help but stare at until Jack gently moved her head up to face him. He lowered himself on top of her and kissed her as he pushed himself inside her.

Gabrielle gasped. She looped her arms under his and around his back and drew him tightly against her. "Jack," she murmured in a low, throaty voice. "Oh, God…" She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist as he began to thrust inside her and dug her fingers into his back.

"Gabrielle," he groaned. Oh, Christ she felt good. If he were thinking straight he could swear it had never been this good. "Oh, God, Gabrielle…" He kissed her neck, her face, pulled opened the buttons to her shirt, exposing her skin, her bra, fumbling with the clasp – why did things always take longer when he was in a hurry? – until he had it and was able to push the material up to expose her breasts. He fondled one breast and kissed the other. "Gabrielle," he groaned again.

"Gabby," she corrected him. Normally hated being called by anything but Gabrielle but it seemed so clumsy a name given he was saying it while he was nearly hoarse with desire and pumping her with increased franticness.

"Gabby," he repeated, grunting her name. He slid a hand down her body and stroked her while he was pumping.

She could feel an explosive orgasm build up, and started convulsing. She dug her fingers in deeper, wrapped her legs around him tighter and jerked against him uncontrollably. "Jack, Jack," she cried, until he mashed his mouth against hers, silencing her – or at least keeping them both quieter – as she experienced the greatest orgasm of her life.

A few seconds later, Jack buried his head in her neck and, with a drawn-out groan, climaxed himself. "Oh, God," he whispered. His mind was a complete blank apart from how absolutely fantastic this was and how he felt he was just coming and coming for at least thirty seconds.

He rolled onto his back, arched his back so he could get his pants back on, then sat up and watched Gabrielle work clumsily to dress herself. She suddenly felt very exposed and vulnerable, whereas seconds ago it had been fantastic.

She had just slept with Jack Quade. Although _sleeping with_ seemed like too civilised a euphemism.

They had just fucked in a consult room with only a locked door between them and their colleagues – a locked door which probably hadn't kept the sounds of their frantic tryst to the room.

Jack felt very awkward all of a sudden, whereas a minute ago he'd felt like he was in heaven. It had seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do, but now…

Now it dawned on him that he'd taken Gabrielle – Gabby – like an animal in that _place that they both worked_. Where anyone could have heard them! Where anyone with a set of keys could have walked in on them!

Remorse set in. He couldn't say he wasn't attracted to her, couldn't say he didn't like her – or at least, what he knew of her – couldn't _exactly _say he wouldn't have done it all over again, having felt the same thing he had, but…

_Oh, God, what have I done? I've just cemented my reputation_.

"I want you to know, I've never done this before," he blurted out. At least that got Gabrielle to look at him – even if it was in disbelief. He immediately realised how his words had sounded. "I mean… I've never had sex in the hospital. I've never taken a colleague to bed – at least, not like this, " he added ruefully. "I've never not used a condom the first time. I – I don't know what came over me." He paused for a second then added, "I, uh, don't have anything to worry about, do I?"

Suddenly she wanted to smack him. As if things weren't awkward enough, he'd just implied - she didn't know exactly what he'd just implied, only that he wouldn't have said such a thing to Saint Terri.

Like he would have done Saint Terri on a hospital bed in a consult room.

She knew all about Terri Sullivan. It had been one of the main topics when people had warned her about Jack. Said he'd never properly gotten over her, hence why he dated her replacement - the abominable Deanna Richardson.

Oh, God, what had she been thinking?

Well, not much, beyond how ecstatic she had felt in his arms, having him inside her, bringing her to orgasm, climaxing inside her...

"Gabby," he prompted, and she realised she hadn't answered his question.

"Nothing for you to worry about," she said, and she was shorter with him then she'd meant to be.

"I'm sorry," he said, instantly contrite. "I've had syphilis, it's not fun. I get myself tested every three months and there hasn't been anyone for almost a year. Hell, you can ask Mike." The old hypocrite demanded all his surgeons get tested every three months - which Jack had already been doing - and hand over the results, even though he himself hadn't done it. No, that would have been too risky for a drug addict.

"That's a relief, then," she said hollowly. What the hell was she supposed to say? What the hell was she supposed to do?

"I want you to know I still respect you," he blurted out.

"Oh, you just know how to say all the right things, don't you?" she snapped.

He took her hand. Christ, but they had plenty of chemistry; she could feel it in his fingers threaded through hers. "Look, I'm only trying to do the right thing, OK? I like you and respect you and I don't have these bullshit double standards about it being OK for guys to do this kind of thing but not girls. Um... what's your number?"

"Why?"

"So I can post it online with a scathing review," he said sarcastically. "So I can call you and ask you out."

She raked her free hand through her hair. "Look, it was great and it was something I think we both needed.... but please don't insult my intelligence by acting like you'll call me."

He let go of her hand and crossed his arms over his chest. "Excuse me?" he asked coldly.

"I know your reputation, Jack. How many women have there been lately? I'm not going to be your latest fling. I feel bad enough being your latest lay."

He glowered. No point in telling her his reputation was hugely exaggerated; hadn't he already said it had been over a year since he'd been with anyone. She clearly didn't want to listen. "Fine," he said. "Thanks for the lay."

"You won't... tell anyone about this?" she asked tentatively.

"Oh, give me a break, Gabby... Gabrielle. Like I want people to know you knocked down flat anymore than you want people to know you're my latest... _conquest_. " He spoke the word as if it was filthy and got up to go.

Jack couldn't believe how disappointed he was that Gabrielle wouldn't let him take this any further, and he didn't know why. Well, apart from the obvious. But what they'd done - it was just a release after an extremely traumatic day, it didn't need to mean anything...

Oh, who was he kidding? Sex always meant something to him, and now he just felt _cheap_.

Strangely enough, almost as dirty as the first time Patrick Wesley had told him to co-operate or it would be a hell of a lot more painful. Although all the other times hadn't made him feel great, either. Or all the times Patrick had suggested ways he could make him happy without lying face-down...

For a split second, he thought about blurting out to Gabrielle what had happened to him, why the idea of a frantic tryst in a consult room made him feel cheap and dirty. That might score him the sympathy points needed to get her to stay the night. Then he realised what a dumb idea _that_ was. Two people in the world knew.

Besides, he decided, he didn't want Gabrielle coming over just because she felt sorry for him. Instead, he walked out the door, mind full of thoughts but determined not to let Gabrielle know how disappointed he was that she wouldn't spend the night with him.

He opened the door to be greeted by Bianca Frost, a smug, triumphant look on her face. In her mind, he had just proven everything she thought about him – that he was a womaniser who systematically screwed every woman between twenty and forty in this hospital.

He walked right past her. He was in for it now, although there wasn't much she could do to him. He was firmly ensconced as one of Mike's favourites – a position Bianca didn't share – and having sex on hospital grounds was hardly as bad as something like negligence.

If Bianca thought she could rile him at a time like this by taunting him about his talent and sexuality, she could whistle for it.

* * *

"You got the scotch?" Dan asked the second Jack entered the living room.

Jack noted that Dan already had a hefty glass in front of him – and the first bottle was entirely empty. He couldn't really blame Dan. Getting thoroughly drunk seemed like a good idea right now. "Yep," he said.

Dan sipped his drink. Time to add some Coke, he thought, scotch on the rocks was starting to go to his head. "You want one?" Dan called to Jack's retreating back as he went to dump his stuff in the kitchen.

"Thanks," He went back to the living room, where Dan had poured him a drink. "Ta," he said.

They didn't talk much while they drank, even put a DVD on to create noise. They didn't want to talk – the company and shared experience of such a tragedy was enough.

Each lost in their own thoughts, the shrill ringing of the phone jolted them both back to reality – albeit a alcoholic one. "I'll get it," Dan mumbled, thinking maybe he should test his ability to stand at this point.

"Bianca!" he said, surprised to hear from her. They hadn't really spoken since he'd called off their affair. He blushed a little to remember it. _That_ had been a huge mistake. Not just going back to her after he'd found out she was married, but the way he'd treated Jack over it – forcing him out of the house, pulling rank because it was 'his' house. Yes, it had been a lousy way to treat a friend, especially when it was just about getting laid.

"Dan," Bianca said in that syrupy voice she used for men she was fond of – and no-one else. "I heard about Sean. Are you OK?"

"As OK as can be," Dan said gruffly, suddenly not wanting to deal with Bianca. Lately he had been seeing more and more of her vicious side come out – not towards him, but towards people he knew – and she was the last person he wanted to deal with after such a crappy day. "Is there anything I can do for you?" If she came onto him, he was hanging up on her, he decided.

"Actually," Bianca said in that same sweet voice, "I was hoping I could speak to Jack."

"_Jack_?" Dan asked, surprised. Everyone knew Bianca couldn't stand Jack, and the feeling was increasingly mutual. Bianca had some kind of issue with him stemming way back. It was another reason Dan had found himself increasingly uncomfortable around his ex lately. It wasn't exactly her fault she didn't know about the shittiness in Jack's past, but it riled him nonetheless that she saw him as this womanising jerk who'd spent all his life living in easy street.

Dan handed over the phone. "Bianca," he said. Jack made a face and took the phone, walking into the kitchen.

"What?" he snapped. He was in no mood to deal with Bianca. Not that he was _ever_ in the mood, but tonight of all nights –

"That's not very nice, Jack," Bianca cooed. "Especially given what I know."

"What do you know?" Jack asked tiredly. "I found her when I was looking for Charlotte and she needed someone to be with here."

"Be _in_ her, you mean," Bianca said with a snort. "You fucked her. I heard you."

Jack cringed; he hated that particular euphemism for sex. "Got nothing better to do, then?" he jeered. He knew he wasn't doing himself any favours, egging her on, but he didn't care.

Bianca bristled. "It's not like you made it hard to ignore," she said. "Going at it like rabbits. Is she over?"

"No, she's not."

"Bored of your latest conquest already?"

Oh, why was he still talking to her? "For you information, she didn't want to spend the night," he said through gritted teeth. "Now, for the last time, what is it you want or I'm hanging up."

"You bastard," Bianca hissed. "You think you can fuck anyone. Just wait until I'm through with this, the two of you won't be able to hold your heads up."

Jack paled. He knew that wasn't true. For him to have sex with a nurse was no big deal – just another surgeon playing around. It would reflect much more poorly on Gabrielle. It the ongoing double standard, that men were able to sleep around and be heroes but the women they slept _with_ were sluts. "She's got nothing to do with this," he said.

"Oh, you had nothing to do with me being banned from the ED?" Bianca snapped. Gabrielle had complained to admin about the way Bianca treated her nursing staff – with the exception of Dan – and now it as always _another_ trauma surgeon that got called into the really 'sexy' trauma cases that were presented to the ED. Bianca had been angry enough when it had happened, but to find out now that Jack was screwing the woman who'd had her banned – she'd never thought much of Gabrielle Jaeger, she was just the kind of plain, dumpy woman who'd do whatever her lover told her to do in order to keep him.

"Gabby had you banned because you're a bitch to her staff, that's not my fault," Jack snapped back. He couldn't help himself, Bianca was being a cow and she couldn't take responsibility for the fact her unpleasant personality was the reason so many HoDs disliked working with her.

"So it's _Gabby_ now?" Bianca asked with such sickening sweetness that Jack felt like he'd just eaten a massive amount of fairy floss and was going to be sick. Gabrielle had made it clear – she was very capable of being insulting despite a lack of sophisticated wit – that her name was _Gabrielle_, not _Gabby_, and only a few special people got to call her that – of which Bianca was not one of them. She had followed that up by simply refusing to respond to anything when Bianca spoke to her as _Gabby_. "Gosh, I can't imagine what people will think when they find out about you and _Gabby_?"

Jack's blood went cold. Although he'd been disappointed that Gabrielle wanted nothing more to do with him, he couldn't really blame him, given his foul reputation, and if _her_ reputation was a bigger priority then exploring their chemistry, well, that was her prerogative. Bianca had no right to turn it into something seedy. But then, that was exactly what Bianca did, she assumed everything he did was seedy. She had convinced herself without even knowing him that he was a creep and by extension, any woman he was with was a slut. Especially when that woman had had her banned from the ED. "You're a real cunt, you know that!" he yelled at her. It was a statement, not a question.

In frustration, he slammed down the phone and stormed back into the living room. He slumped down on the couch and emptied his half-remaining beer in one go, causing Dan to stare at him in amazement. He knew Jack had a tendency to drink when he was angry or distressed – how much his ongoing issues with Patrick Wesley and Travis Knight were getting him down could usually be gauged in how quickly he was going through cartons of beer and bottles of scotch – but he'd never see Jack down a beer like that. "Something wrong?" he asked, his own emotional turmoil put on the backburner in light of Jack's distress and anger. Jack and Bianca's mutual dislike of each other was public knowledge, but Jack had never lost it at her like that. What the hell had gotten into him? Apart from Sean's death, that was.

Jack looked forlorn and blurted out, "I fucked Gabby."

"Huh?" For a second Dan was so stunned by the news that he didn't process it. Jack _never_ used that word in that context, said it was too demeaning and he should know about demeaning sexual experiences.

"Gabby. Gabrielle. Your boss. I fucked her." He couldn't bring himself to try dressing it up by saying they had sex or made love or any of those euphemisms. It had been nothing more then a base animal copulation.

Dan nearly spat out his beer. "I'm sorry – _when_?" he asked.

"A bit after you went home. I was looking for Charlotte and I found Gabrielle and she was really upset and one thing led to another – shit, I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Whoa." Dan was too stunned by the news to say anything else. _Jack and Gabrielle_. It wasn't as if they _hated_ each other, but they had very little to do with one another. Gabrielle had been warned from day one of Jack's inclination towards the ED's NUM and had had as little to do with him socially as she could manage, and Jack wasn't someone who made friends easily. "So... what do you do now?"

Jack shrugged. "Not much I can do. She made it clear she's not interested in seeing me, said she's worked too hard to be respected to have her name linked to mine."

"Ouch."

"Can't say I blame her, but... Dan, I can't explain what we had in there. I've never thought about her in _that way_ before, but as soon as we kissed it was like I was planning our relationship. I've never just _switched on_ to someone like that before. And 'cos I have this awful reputation with women – which, by the way, I only deserve about a tenth of it – he doesn't want anything to do with me." He sighed. It wasn't fair. Deanna had held court at Cougars for two weeks after her departure, telling anyone who would listen that Jack was a womaniser and selfish pig in bed. No-one put much credence in anything Deanna Richardson had to say, but when _anyone_ said scandalous enough things enough times, well, something was bound to stick. And then Bianca had come along and told anyone who would listen what she thought of womanising, selfish-in-bed Jack Quade who had never had to work a day in his life. "And now Bianca's convinced the reason Gabrielle had her banned from the ED was because of me."

Dan's brow furrowed. "I really don't understand, Jack. What's Bianca got to do with this?"

"She was standing outside the door when I left. I don't know if she saw me go in there and decided to wait and see if she could catch me out or she just had the good fortune to be passing at the time but she's convinced we've been having this torrid affair for months and that's why Gabrielle had her banned."

"Gabrielle had her banned because she was putting down all the staff," Dan pointed out, She'd particularly gunned for Erica. Bianca thought like a particularly possessive man when it came to her previous sexual partners, that part of Dan still belonged to her and as such, Erica was too close for comfort.

"You and I know that, hell, everyone but _she_ knows that. She doesn't need anything but her own warped opinion. I don't much care what she says about me – " the said reality of being a surgeon was that the worst reputation you had when it came to using and discarding women, the better you looked " – but if she decides to go after Gabrielle, she can trash her reputation inside of a week." No way would Gabrielle's quiet, unassuming sincerity and integrity hold out again Bianca's ongoing assault of rumour and bitchy gossip. Which was the main thing he detested about Bianca. She herself slept around and treated everyone she considered beneath her like garbage – which was most of the population – but she attacked other people's integrity so loudly and relentlessly that the person had no chance to defend themselves.

"So what are you going to do?" Dan resisted the urge to ask Jack if he thought he had made a better or worse judgement then the time he'd gotten Charlotte drunk in a one-night stand. At least Charlotte hadn't had someone like Bianca Frost trying to undermine her.

Jack pushed his head back into the couch as if he could disappear into it. A nice big hole that would swallow him up would be really handy right now. "I don't know," he groaned. "I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. I want to protect her but she doesn't want anything to do with me."

Dan chewed on his lip for a few seconds, trying to think of a way that would get Jack out of this pickle. It was a pity Gabrielle had turned him down flat because having a girlfriend might do him the world of good right now. Dan had never met anyone in desperate need of hugs, but he was far too homophobic to let Dan touch him, let alone hug him.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. "That will be Bart," Dan said, getting up. "I can send him away, if you want."

"Thanks, but no," Jack said. "You, uh... won't tell him about this, will you? I realise I can't really stop it if Bianca's determined to ruin her, but I'd rather keep this to ourselves for the time being."

"Of course," Dan said. It was about the only thing he could do for his friend right now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Sorry for the delay - my beta was on holidays. But ch3 is finished so it will be up soon. Happy reading!**

_Three weeks later_

"He totally walked straight passed her ten minutes ago," came the giggly voice of a surgical nurse that Gabrielle couldn't stand, Jenny Jones. She was Bianca Frost's pet, and just as bitchy as Bianca was. Gabrielle had no doubt but whatever Bianca had decided to make up about her, Jenny had been the first one she'd told.

"That's what you get for putting out in a consult room," came a nasty voice which Gabrielle recognised. It was one of her own temps, Amanda Pritchard. Well, that was the last time she got any ED shifts. She had thought maybe her own staff might realise what a load of crap these rumours that had been swirling around them for the last three weeks, but apparently not.

The rumours that had been swirling around them? Try her. No-one ever thought any less of a guy who was being reckless and promiscuous, in fact, it was a kind of badge of honour among the surgeons. And besides, once you got your girlfriend's lesbian best friend pregnant, you didn't really have a reputation worth defending. Whereas she was known for not dating hospital staff, for not having a string of boyfriends, for not being a huge partier. Because of that, she was held to a higher standard of chastity. Because of that, people saw her as a fair target to spread vicious gossip about.

"She had it coming. I mean, what did the silly slut think she was doing, spreading her legs in a consult room," Jenny said.

"Well, you know what they say about country girls, they have nothing better to do but put out for whoever asks them," Amanda said. The two women left the bathroom, still talking about what a silly slut Gabrielle was and how she had it coming to be avoided by Jack after giving it up to him so easily.

They weren't exactly correct. Jack had initially expressed concern for her, asking her to come to him if people talked about her. He had even asked her out once, but she was too proud to accept what she saw as a pity date. Other then that, he largely avoided her. She was surprised how much that disappointed her. It was only what she had wanted but she couldn't forget how good it had felt being with him.

She knew she had made the right decision. Jack wasn't the kind of man who could commit. He was probably out dating other women, sleeping with them... funny how that thought made her jealous. It wasn't like she had any claim on him. She had made her choice and she had made the right choice, but still –

It would help if people stopped talking about her. She felt so isolated and having Jack's support would be nice. But how could she tell him that she was the subject of relentless and vicious gossip? How could she admit how deeply it hurt her to hear some of the things people were saying about her? How could she admit to how dirty and ashamed she felt for having slept with him?

She holed herself up in her office for the rest of the day, unwilling to look Amanda in the eyes after overhearing what she had said. She found herself immersed in paperwork, reluctant to go home to that empty house. It only served as a reminded that she had nothing – and no-one.

Finally, Zoe ordered her to go at ten. "It's OK, I just want to finish this up," Gabrielle protested.

"You've been finishing up for five hours after you were due to knock off," Zoe told her. "Go home, get some rest or I'll report you to admin." Reluctantly, Gabrielle packed up her things and headed to the door. Zoe stopped her, gently placing her hand on the younger woman's arm. "Is everything OK?" she asked.

"Fine," Gabrielle said shortly.

"Has this got anything to do with Jack?" Zoe asked. Gabrielle looked flushed and embarrassed. Like everyone in the hospital, she had heard the rumours about Jack and Gabrielle. She had spoken to Jack herself, who had admitted everything. Zoe had wanted to smack him. Jack really ought to have known better – but then, so should Gabrielle. Still, it hadn't exactly been a great day for any of them... her heart contracted painfully to think of Sean. She couldn't really blame them for acting out in their grief, for wanting a connection following the death of a colleague. No, she couldn't blame them, but she could be frustrated at them that they'd chosen such an indiscreet time and place. And she could especially be frustrated with Jack, who's actions meant Gabrielle was constantly being put through the wringer.

"Look, it was both our faults," Gabrielle said. "I wanted it just as badly."

"He's not the subject of rumour," Zoe reminded her.

Gabrielle shrugged. "That's not his fault," she said. "Please, can we drop it?" Zoe nodded slightly and let Gabrielle pass, thinking to herself that the poor girl had no idea what she was getting into when she had let Jack Quade put his hands on her.

Gabrielle walked through the carpark, suddenly aware of how late it was. She normally finished at five, a time when people were coming and going. Now, the carpark was deserted. She shivered.

She heard footsteps behind her, and ignored them. Her car was just around the corner. She quickened her footsteps, actually relieved now to be on her way home.

"Oooh, baby, you have such a sexy look," came a voice behind her. She ignored it. It was only what she'd been hearing the last three weeks. Men thought she was easy – after all, any woman who'd put out in a consult room had to be a whore.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" the voice yelled, and Gabrielle thought she recognised it as belonging to Brad Parker, one of the hospital's most notorious womanisers. He was known for his complete contempt of women and the fact he saw nothing wrong with getting a little rough with them when they didn't see dinner as a fair trade for sex. He had harassed her when she'd first started working at the hospital, expecting her to be grateful that a surgeon was interested in taking her out to dinner. He'd finally given up amid accusations that she was a lesbian. "Look at me, you stuck-up little bitch." Gabrielle kept walking, and a second later she felt strong hands on her arms, twisting her around. Gabrielle gave a scream of surprise and was rewarded with a strike to her face that sent her reeling. He grabbed her by the front of her shirt and pulled her towards him. He mashed his mouth against hers, forcing his tongue between her lips. She struggled against him as a wave of nausea washed over her.

She finally managed to pull away, only to realise that Parker had two cronies with him. "How dare you!" she yelled. "Get your hands off me!"

Parker laughed at that, a mean, hateful laugh. "Bet you didn't say that to Quade."

Gabrielle stared at him. Was he for real? Did he think just because she had slept with Jack, he had the right to put his hands on her? She tried to back away, managed to get out of his hold and take three steps towards her car before he grabbed her again. She screamed, and he clapped his hand over her mouth. "You little slut," he hissed venomously. "You turn my efforts to romance you down flat and spread your legs for a lesser man."

Was that what fuelled his sense of entitlement? That she had turned him down but been with a subordinate? As the newest registrar, Jack was fairly low down on the surgical food chain, whereas Parker came fourth after Mike, Vincent and Bianca. Was his ego so fragile that the idea she might be interested in a subordinate over him that it drove him to attack her in a darkened carpark? "I'd never let you touch me!" she screamed.

"Seems like you don't have much of a say in it," he retorted and threw her onto the bonnet of a car. She felt her ankle twist painfully as she stumbled for balance and she cried out over it. Before she could do anything, he had her pinned her, his cronies helping to hold her down, hands holding her arms down, hands over her mouth to stop her from screaming... she felt Parker's hands roaming freely down her body, over her breasts, tearing at her shirt, her stomach, her hips, her thighs... for a moment she thought about how Jack's touch had been at the same time bold and gentle, perfectly in sync with what she needed, and it only made Parker's manhandling all the more horrific... She bucked against the strong hands holding her down when she felt Parker undoing the buttons on her pants and forcing his fingers between her legs. She shuddered, both from the violation of her personal space and the physical pain. And she knew it was going to get worse... she screamed when he shoved his fingers all the way in and had a thought in the back of her mind that if she'd just left when she'd meant to, none of this would be happening...

She felt the vibration of the car's immobiliser go off and a man's voice raising his objections. Gabrielle felt sick with relief. "This is none of your business, Quade, you already had your go," Parker said gruffly.

"It's plenty my business when that's my car and my girl," Jack said in a voice that said he considered both equally his property to do with as he pleased. He almost felt as sick forcing the words from his mouth as he did seeing Gabrielle in that awful position, but it was the only thing men like Brad Parker understood when it came to women.

Parker thought about it for all of three seconds. He was fundamentally a coward, which was why he never took on someone close to his own size. And Jack looked furious. Sure, he had two cronies with him, but cowards like himself, and Jack was known for having a murderous temper – legend had it that the guy who had caused Charlotte's miscarriage had later died of internal bleeding in another hospital. Jack Quade was not afraid to spill blood, either his own or that of someone who hurt a woman he cared about.

Parker let her go. Gabrielle ran towards Jack despite her twisted ankle and hid behind him. Jack shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to her silently. "I suggest you leave before I'm done making sure you haven't done anything worse then twist her ankle," Jack growled in a way that brought images of a rabid Doberman to mind.

"Hey, man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean –" Parker started, already backing away in the way one does when confronted by a rabid Doberman, not remembering that pissed-off dogs can smell fear. If it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation, Jack would be kind of amused.

"Gabrielle," he said sweetly, "how's your ankle?" He smirked when Parker mumbled an apology and he and his cronies turned tail and ran. He turned to her, who had in just a few seconds buttoned his jacket all the way up. "Is it anything worse then your ankle?" She shook her head. "Now is not the time to be ashamed of anything. If it's nothing worse then a twisted ankle, I can take you home, if it is, you need to be checked out."

"It's not, Jack. It's just –" she found herself shivering. He touched her arm gently and she all but threw herself against him.

"It's OK," he said, knowing it wasn't much more OK then it had been a few weeks ago when Sean had died. "I think I scared the crap out of them. No-one's going to hurt you." He pulled away from her to the side of her bum ankle and snaked his arm around her waist. "Can you walk with my help or do you want to be carried?"

"I can walk."

He led her to the passenger's side of his car – a car that Brad Parker had been trying to rape her on just minutes before. It made him nauseous to think about how close it had come to that – if Mike hadn't let him go early, if Parker had run into her into another section of the carpark... He swallowed his own feelings and noticed Gabrielle wasn't looking too great. "Hey, I'm not trying to belittle you or anything but I just bought this car so if you need to throw up, tell me and I'll pull over."

"Thanks, Jack, nice to know where your priorities lie."

"Hey, don't take it out on me." Damn, and he'd meant to swallow his own feelings to concentrate on her. Well, it was hard to not feel raging anger. They drove in silence for a while until Jack got cut off in traffic by a carload of hoons. Jack slammed his hand down on the horn. "Fuck!" he screamed to no-one in particular, but Gabrielle was the closest in proximity to him and she flinched.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I swear I didn't do anything to – encourage him."

He glanced over at her. In her terror, her nerves were stretched to breaking point. "I'm sorry, I'm angry, but not at you. I hate men that," he said in a soft, reassuring voice. And he hated that he was at least in part responsible, just for letting things get out of hand and letting her become the target of vicious gossip and for men like Brad Parker to think that just because she'd have sex in a consult room meant she'd have sex with anyone, anywhere. "I know perfectly well you didn't encourage them."

"Then you're the only one who thinks that." He reached out to touch her but she shrank away from him, pushing herself against the door. "Don't, Jack. If you'd just kept your goddamn hands to yourself... " Jack clenched his jaw. It was only what he'd been thinking himself, but for her to put it so bluntly...

He pulled up into her drive and helped her inside and onto the couch. She resisted him "I want a shower."

"I want to check you out first. Don't make me force the issue, I feel awful enough as it is. I just want to make sure it's only superficial injuries." Apart from the obvious emotional trauma. She was still shivering. She let her hands drop to her sides limply and let Jack run his hands over her body, from her twisted ankle – she winced in pain but managed to rotate it completely – over her ribs – she winced in response to the pressure of his hands on a bruise, but it didn't hurt nearly enough as qualified for a cracked rib – and made her rotate her jaw completely as well as inspected the bruise on her face. She was surprised at how gentle he was, how aware he was of making her feel as at-ease as possible, given the situation. It was a rare quality in a surgeon. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you more then a sprain and a few bruises," he said softly. "At least not physically. But I think you should talk to someone. I know a few names if you want." He knew these names because Mike was harassing him to see someone himself, but like a lot of doctors, Jack was happy to blithely ignore the things he strongly recommended for others.

"I'm fine."

"You're shaking."

"It's cold."

"That's a double-lined jacket you're wearing and it's not that cold. C'mon, Gabrielle, ignoring this won't make you feel any better."

"I'm fine, Jack. I would have been fine."

"Don't be so bloody stubborn. They would have taken turns until they were bored. You're lucky I was there."

He hadn't meant to be so hard with her, but it seemed to get the message across. She paled visibly and then bolted for what Jack assumed was the bathroom. He followed her, and when he saw she hadn't shut the door behind her, knelt behind her and pulled her hair back so she wouldn't vomit all over it. He rubbed her back sympathetically with his free hand until she'd emptied the contents of her stomach. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to distress you," he said. "Look, why don't you go have a shower or bath or something and I'll fix you something to eat?" he asked. She nodded, actually grateful to have Jack here. She let him help her up and towards the shower. He eased her out of his jacket. "Is there anything Is can get you?" he asked.

"No thankyou."

"I'll leave you to it then." Jack left the bathroom and went to rummage through her fridge and kitchen cupboards to fix her something to eat. Her stomach was empty and no doubt she'd want to have a drink later.

She emerged from the bathroom half an hour later, mostly covered in a full-length bathrobe but what skin was exposed Jack could see she had rubbed raw. His heart went out to her. He remembered doing the same thing to himself more than once. "Made you something to eat," he said, directing her to sit down. She picked at her food but under Jack's watchful eye, ate it all. She was still shaking when she'd finished so he poured her a strong vodka and lemonade, which she sipped gratefully.

"Thanks," she said once the alcohol hit her and she felt a little calmer. "You didn't have to go to all this effort for me."

"It's the least I could do. Look, what do you want to do?"

Immediately any calm the vodka had bought her evaporated and she started to cry. "People have been talking about me ever since – no-one's attacked me physically but I know everyone's calling me a slut and whore, even my own nurses."

"Oh, babe. I wish you'd said something."

"Like what? Thanks a lot for screwing me in a consult room, Jack, now everyone calls me names within my earshot and molests me on the way to my car."

"Don't talk like that. I'm not like those guys. You wanted it as much as I did, remember?" He hadn't meant to remind her of that but he didn't exactly like her implying he'd taken advantage of her. He bit his lip in concentration. Had he taken advantage of her, or had they taken advantage of each other?

She started to cry. "Oh, God, what am I going to do?"

He cupped her face gently. "What are we going to do," he corrected her, and kissed her. It was a far cry from the hard, hungry kisses they'd shared three weeks ago – the exact opposite, in fact. He hadn't known he was capable of being this gentle but gentle he was as he slid his tongue into her mouth and barely pushed against her as he slid his arms down her body and around her back...

It didn't seem fair that a guy's lips should feel so soft. She shivered, for once in anticipation rather than terror. She let Jack push her back slightly before she realised what she was doing – she was letting Jack have his way with her. Again. She pushed him away. "No," she said quietly. "I don't want to."

He looked sheepish. "Sorry," he said. "You need time." God knew, he knew what it was like to have to overcome your fear of physical and sexual intimacy.

"No, I meant I don't want to... ever."

"You don't want to be with me?" she nodded. "Gabby, it's not like your reputation matters anymore. They tried to rape you in the place we all work. You need me."

"Oh, I need you so everyone knows I'm your property? I heard the way you compared me to your car, Jack."

"That was only 'cos it's the only thing someone like Parker understands. Look, I don't see women as property. I like you and I wanted to go out with you – I still do. Maybe I should have made my feelings clearer." He took her hand in his and was relieved when she didn't pull away. "And so what if guys like Parker see you as my property? They would have done it anyway even if we'd gotten together under, uh, better circumstances, and if it stops them from attacking you then what does it matter what they think?"

He had a valid point, and the tingly warmth of his hand was starting to get to her. She pulled her hand away and averted her eyes. "It's something else, isn't it?" he demanded softly."I can't trust you," she admitted.

"Why not?"

She turned her face slightly so she could avert her eyes even more. She hadn't been raised to be honest about those kinds of things. "Is it about the women?" he asked. "Because it's not as bad as it sounds. I mean, yeah, there've been a few, but no-one since you, and before that, no-one since this woman I was seeing last year."

Gabrielle wanted to believe him, she really did. The way he looked at her with those eyes, pleading with her to believe him. But his reputation was so bad, how could there not be some truth to it? And people sad he had never really gotten over his ex, Terri Sullivan. How could she be with someone while part of her wondered if she had his heart fully? "You don't believe me," he said flatly. She couldn't bring herself to admit it, but her inaction spoke volumes. "You're saying you'd rather take your chances with men like Parker then trust me to be faithful?" he asked. Again, she said nothing, but she didn't have to.

Jack stood up and walked to the window. He jammed his fisted hands into his pockets, his back straight and tense. He couldn't believe she was being such a stubborn little fool. And he hadn't done anything to deserve her assumption that there would be any women – well, at least, nothing in reality. According to rumour and innuendo, though... But still, couldn't she see she was much better off trusting him then trusting Parker and his like not to try force themselves on her? Damnit, he had feelings for her, they were attracted to each other, what more did she want?

If Gabrielle had been less absorbed in her own issues, she would have noticed Jack visibly relax as he thought of a solution. "You won't date me?" he asked.

"No." It was easier to say when he had his back turned to her.

"You won't be my girlfriend?"

"No."

"Because you don't trust me?"

"Yes." This was harder to admit to.

"But you understand what you expose yourself to with me... without my protection?"

"Yes." She shuddered just to think about it, and began to reconsider his offer.

He turned to face her. "Then I have a ... compromise, I guess." She looked at him curiously, and he swallowed. He couldn't believe he was about to suggest something so out-there, but he couldn't see any other option, thanks to her stubbornness. "We just... fake it."

"Huh?"

"We fake it."

"No, I heard that part, Jack. I just... have no idea what you're talking about."

"Gabrielle, I won't just stand by and let something happen to you because of something I did. Look, I haven't fully thought this out, but... so long as people think we're together, it has the same effect as us actually being together in the sense that no-one's going to attack you – physically or other – any girlfriend of mine."

"Jack, I'm not following." But she was, kind of. Jack was proposing they put on an act. All the benefits that came with his protections and none of the worrying about how he really felt – or caring if he was with other women, because they had no claim on each other.

"I hold your hand in public, that kind of thing." He didn't elaborate that it would have to be more than that – no-one would buy that someone as passionate as him had nothing more on his mind then holding hands. But maybe once she realised how much easier life was as his girlfriend, how loving and affectionate he could be... OK, so he was working on little more than hope but that was all he had to go on right now. "We can say we were trying to keep it quite out of respect for Zoe – we didn't want to flaunt our relationship given it started on the day Sean died – but the harassment got too much for you." It was sound enough that if they could pull of a convincing act, Jack was confident it would be accepted. He could always get into a fight with someone for believability.

"You wouldn't try to take things further in private?" she asked warily.

He was hurt that she thought so little of him – hadn't he gone above and beyond to try and protect her? "Only if you wanted me to," he said teasingly, but his smile faded when she frowned. Couldn't the girl take a joke? OK, maybe not funny given what she's been through. "I won't do anything you don't feel comfortable with," he amended seriously. "C'mon, admit it, you don't have a better option. Unless you could resigning as an option."

He was right, she didn't. "OK," she agreed in a small voice.

He was relieved; he'd thought she was going to turn him down again. "OK then. I want you to come to the hospital with me tomorrow to make a formal complaint. There's a security camera stationed right above my car – that's why I park there. So long as you're prepared to make a formal complaint, that should get him fired on the spot. The others I think we can push for being fired, or at least be put on some kind of probation."

"Jack, I don't think I can do that," Gabrielle said, and she started to tremble again.

He grabbed the throw blanket from the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders. Now that he had made it clear that would do nothing she wasn't comfortable with, she had let her guard down. Tentatively, he touched her, then wrapped his hand around her arm, then hugged her, then pulled her into his lap in an enveloping embrace. "You can," he said reassuringly. "I will be there for you. Would you rather he get off scot-free – to do it to someone else?"

"No," she said in a small voice.

"Then you have to do this now. You have to be brave." Boy, would Travis never let him hear the end of it if he were to overhear this conversation, not when Jack himself had balked at testifying against his own sexual abuser. But this was different – as traumatised as Gabrielle was, it had been one-time, and she hadn't been raped. Not that it was really a distinction in her current state of mind.

"You'll be there?" she asked.

"Of course. What boyfriend wouldn't?" he asked dryly. "Look, I think it's best I stay the night. You shouldn't be alone."

"Jack, you don't need to do that."

"It would make me feel better to know you had someone around. Please? If you don't have a spare bed, I'm happy to sleep on the couch."

She didn't like to admit it, but just the thought of having someone like Jack in the same house brought comfort to her. "OK," she agreed in a small voice. She allowed Jack to stay with her until she fell asleep before he went and surveyed the spare room. It was hard to believe that someone who had moved in only a year ago had managed to accumulate such crap. Looks like it's the couch, he thought wryly. Never mind; he had slept on much worse surfaces in the past...

He woke up a few hours later to Gabrielle's terrified screaming. He rushed into her room and threw on the light to see her thrashing around, still unconscious. He thought about restraining her and bringing her out with a few slaps but discarded the idea. The poor girl was terrified and being restrained would only remind her of the restraint she had been subjected to a few hours before. Instead, he spoke in a loud but soothing voice, talking to her, reminding her that she was in her room and she was safe until gradually his words penetrated her subconscious and her tears subsided. Slowly, she came around to the land of the waking. When she saw Jack, she immediately burst into fresh tears. "It's OK," he said, embracing her, fury mounting at what those assholes had done to her, that any man should think himself entitled to treat a woman – well, anyone really – like that. He let her cry into his chest, feeling oddly pleased that he could bring this small measure of comfort that few people had the empathy to give. "They can't hurt you. You want to talk about it? You don't have to if you don't want but... sometimes it helps."

"It was like it was happening again," she said brokenly. "Except... you didn't come." She was grateful for the comfort of his arms, the way his fingers ran through her hair so gently, the way he kissed the top of her head so soothingly. She started to feel guilty for having turned down his offer of a relationship when he was being so kind and considerate... she lifted her head and looked at him with tear-stained eyes. Then she kissed him.

For a second, Jack kissed her back, then he pulled her away. "Don't you want this?" she asked, a little disappointed.

"Not like this. I won't take advantage of you like this. You're scared and having someone to protect you is looking pretty good right now, I'd say. And I'm already giving you that." He kissed the top of her head again. "I won't take anything from you that you don't want to give, and that includes when you're too vulnerable to know what you're giving. Got that?" She nodded. "I can stay with you until you go back to sleep, if you'd like," he offered, feeling sorry for her.

"I'd like that," she admitted. Jack repositioned himself so he was spooning her and brought the doona up around them both. She cuddled up against them, feeling safer then she had in hours, although she struggled to find sleep, anxious that the second she lost consciousness her nightmare would return. Jack tried to stay up with her but eventually his tiredness got the better of him and he fell asleep with her in his arms. When he woke up, she had fallen asleep and he was reluctant to wake her. Thankfully, it was his day off so he called Frank and gave him a brief run-down of what had happened the night before and that Gabrielle was unable to work on a sprained ankle and bruised face. He'd bring her in later to make a formal complaint and get her checked out properly. In the meantime, he wanted her to sleep as long as she could, poor tormented girl.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, as promised, chapter three up quickly and a long one, too! Chapter four is almost done so it should be up within the week.**

** sunshine-lilly18, what did you mean by the cute Jack and Gabby moments? The reason I ask is that one of the two story ideas for my next fic is a multi-chapter PG or PG-13 fic, so no graphic sex scenes but plenty of cute sweet moments and I'd like what you meany by it. **

"Jack, I'm not sure I can do this," Gabrielle said in an anxious voice as Jack helped her through the halls of the hospital to the administrative level at the top of the building. He had his arm around her waist because she was too proud to let him carry her and she couldn't walk that far just with holding his hand.

"I'll be here the whole time," he reminded her quietly. "You don't have anything to be scared about." He knew what she was most scared about was running into Parker or one of his cronies; but Jack avoided the section of the hospital that contained the surgical wing, confident that Parker wouldn't actually seek them out.

He escorted Gabrielle to the administration building, where he spoke to Oliver Marone himself, who Jack detested, but got along with fairly well. He insisted on having a female lawyer present, and was pleased Marone had summoned Jenny Raines, who had little love for the boys club that often ran amok in the medical community, particularly the surgical staff of a major hospital. Gabrielle retold her story haltingly, often stumbling, needing Jack to hold her hand as she recalled what had happened the night before. Jenny was patient and secretly pleased that Parker had skipped up so badly this time – there were constant complaints about his treatment of the female staff (at least reasonably young, attractive ones) – but little anyone could do while Parker kept his shabby treatment off hospital grounds – or at least unprovable. To try to commit such a heinous act in front of the poor woman's boyfriend – and better yet, a security camera – while he was already on probation warranted nothing more then the immediate termination of his employment, and if Gabrielle wanted to press charges and go to court, even better. Jenny certainly hoped so, and although the poor girl looked terrified, Jack looked ready to go on a crusade. _Good_, she thought. It was just a pity he couldn't do battle for her. If the world had a few less Parkers and a few more Quades it would be a much better place. Well, at least this hospital was now rid of one of its Parkers, and hopefully this would make Marone pay a bit more attention when his female staff were filing complaints against the same few men.

Marone was less then happy about Parker's latest piece of work – you'd think after being put on probation, the man would have learnt you couldn't pull stunts like that on hospital staff, let alone on hospital grounds – and he knew he had little choice but to fire the surgeon. But the other two – "According to this tape, they weren't the instigators," he said smoothly. "Perhaps a heavy probation – "

"No," Jack said softly but firmly. Gabrielle flashed him a grateful smile. She hadn't realised he was going to have her back like this, and she was glad. She would have fled the room within minutes of the meeting beginning if he hadn't been by her side. It was obvious Marone was reluctant to do anything, and it was only Jack's insistence that he agreed to the surgeon's firing. But the surgical team could barely stand to lose an orderly and an intern on top of Parker –

"They were under the influence of one of the most senior members of the team," Marone pointed out in what he thought was a reasonable tone although it came across more as condescending. "What's to be gained by losing two, uh, impressionable _junior_ staff?"

The way he said _junior_, Jack knew he was meant to take the hint that he personally had nothing to gain by the firing of an intern and orderly, whereas Parker's firing effectively moved everyone below him – Jack included – up the food chain. Did Marone seriously think he had any less disgust for the others just because he gained nothing from their firings? Well, nothing other then knowing Gabrielle was safe, at least from three such men. "Are you saying you think being _impressionable_ and _junior_ excuses an attempted gang rape?" he asked, stressing the two words in such a way that made the slowest of men – of which Marone definitely was not – aware that Jack thought precisely the opposite. Being _impressionable_ and _junior _were not excuses for not behaving like a decent human being. Jenny smiled. Marone wasn't slow, but he wasn't terribly bright if he thought about crossing a man as phenomenally intelligent and resourceful as Jack in his wrath over his girlfriend being assaulted, even if Jack _was_ just a junior registrar.

"Of course I don't," Marone blustered. What had Parker been thinking, getting involved with this man's girlfriend? What there weren't plenty of nurses out there who would put up with lousy behaviour to have a surgeon for a boyfriend? "I just think – "

Jack smiled sweetly and handed over a phone number. "You recognise this number, Doctor Marone?" he asked.

Of course he bloody recognised it. It was that of Jordanna Cole, journalist and all-around pain in the ass. She was famous – _infamous_, Marone thought – for writing about the inequalities between the sexes, particularly within the workplace. She especially loved to go after major hospitals and law firms. If she got a whiff of the fact three of a major hospital's surgical staff had attempted to rape one of the hospital's nurses – let alone that two of them had been allowed to keep their jobs – she would dig in and not let go. "Have you spoken to her?" he asked.

"No," Jack replied in that same sweet voice. "Did I have a reason to."

Marone repressed the desire to groan. Why had Parker not just kept his hands to himself, or at least on someone a little more willing? Everyone knew Jack Quade had a notorious temper when it came to the women in his life. And the worst thing was, now Jack was completely unfireable, short of doing something extremely unprofessional. He couldn't exactly fire someone for outmanoeuvring him. He allowed himself a small smile at that. Jack would make a fine administrator one day, he certainly had a knack at outmanoeuvring the stoutest of opponents – he had just played the hospital's most senior administrator against a senior surgeon in his team. "Fine," he agreed grudgingly. "But don't complain when your case load gets heavier."

"I can't believe you pulled that off," Gabrielle said admiringly, smiling for the first time in ages as Jack helped her out the office, down the hall and into the lift. "You shouldn't have made an enemy out of Marone for me."

"He'll get over it," Jack said. "He at least knows I'm in the right, even if it's only that he thinks Parker was an idiot to do it on hospital grounds." He squeezed her protectively. "I'm more worried about Bianca. I think she and Parker had something going and even if they didn't, she'll see it as me having done it to get rid of a senior surgeon. And that was just a bonus," he added wryly.

He took her home and, since he didn't have anything better to do other then catch up on medical journals, they spent the day together watching DVDs. He made her dinner, which she wolfed down – she hadn't eaten since Jack had forced her to do so the night before, she had been so anxious about the meeting. She was receptive when he pulled her into his arms after dinner and stroked her hair casually while watching the DVD. He felt her body relax as she started to drift off to sleep. _Good_. It meant she was already comfortable being close to him. He remembered how long it had taken for him to be comfortable around people. Now, he only had to work out how to get her off him without disturbing her –

Too late. His mobile going off woke her with a start. Grumbling, Jack fished it out of his pocket and frowned. He'd been expecting to hear from Bianca sooner or later, but later would have been preferable. "You _shit_," she hissed down the phone when he answered it.

"Babe, I gotta take this," Jack said, as much because he liked using the endearment as to have Bianca hear him use it. He dislodged himself from Gabrielle's weight and padded into the spare room. "I almost had Gabrielle asleep, this had better be good," he snapped. There was no need to be polite to Bianca anymore. She had done what damage she could, and made a world of heartache for Gabrielle in the process. He had no reason to be nice to her – in fact, he had plenty reason to be antagonistic.

"You bastard, you got Brad Parker fired!" she yelled. "Mighty convenient for you, isn't it?"

"You mean that he and his cronies tried to gang-rape my girlfriend, yeah, mighty convenient," Jack said sarcastically.

Bianca laughed maliciously. "No-one ever had to take the trouble to rape her, let alone as respected a surgeon as Brad," she said. "She probably seduced him and had buyer's remorse."

Jack listened to this accusation, dumbfounded. He'd never thought much of Bianca, but how could she stoop so low as to defend a would-be rapist? He wondered if the two of them had been sleeping together. If they had, it was no doubt a massive blow to her ego that she wasn't enough for him; that he had to go looking for it elsewhere, and not only that, but he had to force himself on someone who didn't match Bianca in the looks stakes. Jack smiled at that. _That_ sounded more like the Bianca everyone knew and hated. "Security tape says different," he said smoothly.

Bianca was silent for a few seconds and Jack figured she couldn't be doing all that good a job of being malicious if she hadn't already found that out. Finally, the best she could come up with was, "You're just using her to get Brad fired so you could take his place."

"_That's _right," Jack said with heavy sarcasm. "I have nothing more productive to do with my time then try and find ways to undermine people. Wait – sounds like someone else I know." He found he was enjoying himself. Without Parker as a backer, Bianca's options were limited – everyone either heartily disliked her or was too junior to be able to help her. "Is there anything else?" he asked sweetly. Despite the circumstances of which it had come about, it felt good to have gotten one over Bianca. "Because if you don't mind, I have a girlfriend I'd like to spend time with... maybe you should go see what your husband's up to." Since joining the surgical team properly at the end of last year, he'd become privy to the in-team gossip about the staff and their significant others... and everyone knew Peter Frost ogled any woman who was passably attractive.

"Go to hell," Bianca snapped, and hung up on him. Jack padded back to the couch. "Who was that?" Gabrielle asked sleepily.

"Bianca," Jack said.

Gabrielle made a face. While Bianca Frost hadn't been the one who had held her down and ripped her shirt open, Gabrielle knew if the woman hadn't put ideas in Parker's head, he never would have acted on them. She was easily the most malicious person Gabrielle had ever had the misfortune to meet. "There's going to be hell to pay with her," she said. Bianca and Parker were two of the same kind, inconsiderate, malicious and ruthlessly ambition, their only redeeming factors being talent. In fact, it wouldn't surprise her if Parker had been one of Bianca's many lovers. In which case, she'd be furious that Parker decided to take Bianca's words that she, Gabrielle, was a whore – it couldn't be good for her ego to know that she wasn't enough for him, that he had to go around raping less-attractive women then her. She laughed briefly at that, and when Jack asked her what was funny, she explained.

"The same thing occurred to me, too," Jack said. "If she's lost a backer, then no wonder she's mean as a cut snake." He laughed gleefully. "And the best thing is, she doesn't have many allies left."

"If she's mean as a cut snake, Jack, then she's going to come after you," Gabrielle reminded him.

Jack shrugged. "Let her come. She can't do much now." If she was so intent on attacking me because he was part of 'the boys club', let her take on Vincent and Mike, too. He leaned over to kiss her forehead. "I have to go home, Dan's parents are up and I promised I'd be there – he hasn't told them about the Hep C. But I'll swing by tomorrow after work."

"I'm working tomorrow, Jack," she blurted out. She'd been withholding the information because she knew how he'd react – like an overprotective big brother. She'd spoken to Frank when he'd been in the shower, assuring him that she was fit to return to work. Brushing off any concerns that he might have about her state of mind.

He frowned. "You sure that's a good idea?" he asked dubiously. He cupped her chin and twisted her head so her bruised cheek was facing him. "You can't stand for more then a few minutes and patients aren't exactly going to be comfortable being treated by someone who looks like they've just left an abusive relationship."

"I know that, Jack. I'm not doing any active work, just admin stuff. I'll go crazy if I'm cooped up here all day."

Her eyes pleaded with him not to make a big deal out of it. She didn't want to keep hiding out, as she called it, reluctant to go back to work. Besides, Parker had been fired so she had nothing to worry about. "OK," he said reluctantly, because he doubted she was as emotionally strong as she thought she was. But you'll have lunch with me? And you'll call me if you start to feel anxious?"

She couldn't help but smile. Jack could be so sweet. How did someone who had such capacity for caring manage to stay single for so long? "I will, Jack."

"And..." an idea start forming in his head. They started at the same time but he finished an hour earlier – for once, he actually had a short shift – so they could be seen having coffee together in the morning and then join people for drinks at the end of the day. "I'll meet you for coffee in the morning and walk you to the ED. I want people to see us together." He didn't add that he intended to kiss her- he'd spring that on her when the were outside the ED.

"I'd like that," she said. She passively accepted a second kiss before he let himself out and, not feeling up to going to her room yet, snuggled under the throw blanket that decorated the couch, slightly distracted by the warm tingly feeling that remained on her forehead where Jack had kissed her.

* * *

"Dan, spill. What do you know about Jack and Gabrielle?"

Dan made a face. He'd been asked that question all day. And the answer was he had no idea. He'd _thought_ Jack was upset that Gabrielle wouldn't date him, but he could have just interpreted 'I don't want to talk about it' as 'I want to keep it a secret'. Privately, he was inclined to believe something was amiss, but if Jack wanted them to believe he and Gabrielle were together, Dan figured it wasn't his place to say. "He's incredibly secretive," Dan said by way of explaining he didn't have a clue what was going on.

"You _live_ with the guy and you don't know _anything_?" Bart asked incredulously. They were all dying to know what was going on. The rumours were flying thick and fast; that they had been caught having sex on hospital grounds again; that Jack had gotten in a fight with another guy who'd tried to chat her up; that she'd cheated on him with Brad Parker and Jack had broken his nose over it. Adding to the gossip were the whispers of Parker's firing – couched politely as a resignation – and Bianca Frost's fury. Everyone knew Bianca had it in for Jack, and it seemed Gabrielle by extension. Throwing her into the mix of rumours just made it an even better collection of stories.

Dan shot him a dirty look. If Jack went out of his way to keep his private life a secret from Dan, it was because when he'd been dating his ex, Dan had made the mistake of telling Erica, who had told Bart, who had told everyone. While Jack had gotten that the fault had lain with Bart, he had still been deeply aggrieved and it wouldn't surprise Dan if Jack had stopped confiding in him – especially if he was dating a colleague. "Maybe since someone blabbed about his ex he decided the only way to prevent his relationship becoming public property was to tell no-one."

Bart had the decency to look embarrassed. "Sorry," he said contritely.

"What, like Bart's been the only person to try and get information out of you?" Cate asked with a grin. She had overheard the conversation when she and Heath had brought in a patient, and after he'd been fixed up, the conversation continued. "You can't blame people for thinking you must have all the dirt. I mean – she's _never_ called your place? He isn't spending an unusual amount of time away from home?"

Dan shrugged. "He says he's with his sister."

"Doubt he's doing very brotherly things," Amanda said nastily, although she was beginning to feel sorry for all the stuff she'd said about Gabrielle in the previous month. It was one thing to make fun of the woman for putting out; it was entirely another to make fun of someone for being the girlfriend of a popular surgeon. The former made her a joke; the latter gave her a lot of cred.

"Ew!" Ricki said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. She wasn't a huge fan of Amanda. The girl was a competent enough nurse, but had a wide catty streak.

Amanda shrugged. "It's only what everyone's _thinking_," she insisted.

"Don't the lot of you have something better to do then sit around gossiping?" Frank grumbled, coming up behind them. Everyone looked contrite, although Amanda looked more guilty then contrite. Frank sighed. He knew he couldn't really _blame_ them for gossiping; whatever the definition of discreet was, Jack and Gabrielle had been the polar opposite. He couldn't believe they had been dating for several weeks and Jack hadn't twigged Gabrielle was being verbally harassed and gossiped about. But then, that was just like Gabrielle, to keep her troubles quiet rather then admit she couldn't handle it. Well, thankgod Jack had come along when he had – he didn't want to think what could have happened if he hadn't.

He had been given permission by Gabrielle to tell the staff what had happened, and he decided to enlighten them. Better that then have them continue to gossip – and be way off the mark. "Parker and two other members of the surgical team accosted Gabrielle in the carpark and tried to rape her. Jack interrupted them and the worst she's got is a bad sprained ankle. She'll be back tomorrow on light duties."

There was a very brief stunned silence before Charlotte gasped. She had known, like everyone had, what Gabrielle was going through, but hadn't known it was that bad. Damn, she wished she had said something, but if she was too proud to say something to _Jack_... "What happened to them?" she asked. "Parker, I mean?" She shivered to think someone like him had been roaming the halls of the hospital for so long.

"They've all been fired," Frank said discompassionately.

"Good," Charlotte said emphatically. She paused for thought, then gave a rueful laugh. "I almost feel sorry for the guy," she said, and found herself giggling more as a way to relieve the tension then out of actual humour.

"Huh?" Bart asked.

"You don't want to make an enemy out of Jack when it comes to a woman he cares about," Dan explained. "I've seen him get really aggro when our NUM got a bit verbal with his girlfriend – I mean, the woman deserved it, she was a rotten piece of work, but it was indicative of the kind of temper he has." He remembered briefly that Nelson had actually been _frightened_ when Jack had gone all protective-boyfriend on him after Nelson had gotten verbal with Deanna – and Nelson was a man who had lived in the Northern Territory and battled alcoholism, he wasn't a man easily frightened. "Ten bucks says the only reason he didn't break Parker's nose there and then is because he had to take care of her. He won't be so restrained if he runs into him again, even if it's two years from now. Parker's got it coming, but I wouldn't want to be on Jack's bad side – not when it comes to his... " Dan trailed off, realising he didn't even know what Gabrielle _was_ to Jack. He'd been so sure that Gabrielle had had no interest in dating him and that had been the end of it, but given what people were saying, maybe they _were_ together.

"His what?" Amanda pressed, her desire to hear the rest of Dan's sentence obvious.

Dan eyed Amanda narrowly. Jack had been very vocal in what he thought of the gossiping woman, and Dan didn't think much more of her. "I don't know. But Jack's incredibly private, knowing him, they were trying to keep it quiet but he doesn't have that luxury anymore, not if... never mind." It made perfect sense. Jack wouldn't even tell him if he was seeing Gabrielle, wanting to keep it under wraps because he knew better then most how much scrutiny you came under when you were in a workplace relationship. Dan didn't exactly have a sterling record when it came to keeping Jack's secrets – although, he had kept the whopper, even from Erica – so as much as it hurt to think his best friend had gone to great pains to hide his relationship from him, he kind of understood why. Except now he didn't have the luxury of keeping his relationship under wraps, not if he wanted to keep Gabrielle safe, because the gossip and attacks would continue while she was considered a discarded conquest rather then a girlfriend. Dan's lips pursed into a wry smile. It was be kind of amusing to watch all the about-faces as Gabrielle's supposed stock grew. Ten bucks said Amanda would be grovelling upon Gabrielle's return tomorrow. "They have a right to keep their private life private," he said.

"Not when they make it public," he heard Amanda say under her breath – but loud enough to hear – as he walked away.

Later that night, after Dan's parents had gone to bed, Jack and Dan stayed up over coffee. "Thanks for distracting them about the infection."

"No problem." Dan had lied through his teeth about the reason he wasn't drinking, claiming a minor kidney infection – nothing to be worried about – that meant he needed antibiotics. "But you can't keep this from them forever. What are you going to tell them a month from now? A year?"

Dan looked pained. "I have no idea," he admitted. "And on top of that, the first thing mum asked me was how I was holding up after the AJ thing – that was months ago but she won't let go of it. I have no idea how I'm going to tell her I'm dating his sister."

"Lying won't get you far, and it'll only make things worse," Jack reminded him.

Dan groaned. "You think I don't know that? And besides, you're one to talk – I thought there was nothing going on between you and Gabrielle."

Jack felt guilty lying to his best friend, but he didn't trust an with the truth – not now that he and Erica were together. "We talked about it the next day," he related the story he and Gabrielle had decided on, "and agreed to give it a go. We didn't want to go public immediately – you know what that's like – in case things didn't work out – so we kept it quiet." He looked away for a second, his face clouding over in genuine remorse over what had happened. "_Goddamnit_, I wish she'd told me what was going on. She's so stubborn, you know. She was too proud to admit what was going on 'cos she knew how I'd feel about it... what I'd do about it." He clenched his fists, and Dan released an involuntary shiver, knowing what Jack was capable of if he ever saw Brad Parker again. "Dan, if I hadn't come across when I did..." he brought his knees up against his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs to stop his whole body from shaking. Dan's heart went out to him. No-one knew better then Jack how it felt after being sexually assaulted... and no-one knew better then Dan how Jack felt about sexual abuse. How close he had come to missing Gabrielle in her predicament was probably affecting him more then it was her.

If it had been anyone else, Dan would have leaned over to touch him sympathetically but it would only aggravate Jack, who had a massive homophobic streak. Instead he said, "You can't blame yourself."

"Dan, I _get_ that. But it doesn't make me feel any better. I didn't realise how much I care about her until I saw her..." He was being absolutely genuine now, for all the good it had done him getting Gabrielle to believe him.

Dan listened sympathetically. He was left in no doubt of Jack's feelings for her, and because of that, he had no reason to doubt that they had been together all this time. "She's lucky to have you," he said, thinking about Erica. Things were really up-in-the-air between them lately, which Dan hated, because she was his best friend and he told her everything. Which reminded him – "Does she know about Patrick?" he asked, meaning Gabrielle. Jack shook his head. "Why not?" he asked.

"It's not exactly something I tell everyone I date," Jack pointed out.

"I'd tell people about the Hep-C," Dan tried to counter, even though he knew it was a losing argument.

"You have to, it's a registered disease," Jack retorted. He hated it when Dan brought up his abusive past. He had only confided in Dan because he'd been deeply upset at finding Patrick Wesley back in his life after all those years and it was hard to keep something like that from someone you shared a house with. "Look, I don't want her to look at me the way you did when I told you."

Dan made a face. "Like how?"

"Like it made me less then I had been. Like you saw me half as being a victim and half as being something... less." The word he'd actually wanted to use was _broken_ but he knew Dan wouldn't like hearing that; he wouldn't even like the accusation that he had looked at Jack any differently... but Jack knew he had. It was human nature, at least for people who had been shielded from the crueller elements of life. Almost every woman he'd slept with had recoiled – usually only slightly, but almost always – and it never failed to make him feel lousy. "Look, I don't want to talk about this," Jack said in that tone that Dan knew meant the subject was closed. "I'm going to bed. I need to be up early to meet Gabby."

* * *

He met her outside the cafeteria the next morning, two thermos in hand. "I thought we were meeting for coffee," she said, surprised.

"We are. But I hate cafeteria coffee. I'm a coffee snob. And I figured while you were pretending to be my girlfriend, you could enjoy real coffee."

She accepted the thermos. "Thanks," she said, and she let him steer her out to a grassed areas overlooking the artificial lake. He rested with his back against a tree and motioned for her to sit down, pulling her gently against him so her side was against his, his arm wrapped around her. She realised they had to spend time in very close proximity for this to work, but still, it felt so… _real_. Close enough that she could smell the soap and shampoo he wore before hospital-grade soap and antiseptic obliterated it. It was quite a sexy smell. She inhaled it unconsciously, feeling safe… and enjoying, despite herself, the feel of Jack's arm around her back, his side against hers.

"This is wonderful," she said after a few minutes. It was the only thing she could think to say – and it was actually true.

"I hope so, my coffee machine is worth more then my car. What's more, I trust Dan with my car but I won't let him within a foot of the machine."

Gabrielle laughed at this. Dan was, by his own admission, the type of person who could burn water. She had seen the type of stuff he'd passed off as food before Jack had moved in and Dan had found a handy source of leftovers. She couldn't blame Jack for being possessive about his coffee machine. "I appreciate this," she said, searching for words. She felt comfortable around Jack, but awkward as well. "Not just the coffee, but everything you're doing for me."

He kissed the top of her head in a way that was chaste and yet for some reason made her think of their first steamy kisses. "Are you sure you're up for this?" he asked. "You still look pretty beat up." He tilted her head so she was looking up at him and traced the bruise on her face gently. She found herself almost sorry when he dropped his hand.

"I'll go crazy if I'm stuck at home another day," she said. "Being alone…" she didn't add that now Parker had been fired, with nothing to lose, she wouldn't put it past him to come by when she was alone and finish what he had started… "It will be good to be with people I trust," she finished.

Jack saw that there was no convincing her otherwise. "But you'll call me if you feel nervous at all?" he asked her again, and she nodded. It felt good that he cared so much… even if it was just out of his own guilt.

They had their coffee, quite conspicuous together this time of the morning, where everyone who worked business hours – admin, most heads of department – were arriving and a lot of the night staff leaving. Maybe it was her being paranoid, but she could have sworn she saw people slow down to check of they were seeing right – Jack Quade and Gabrielle Jaeger, sitting together, looking very cosy – and texting people on their phones to relay the image.

Jack reluctantly got up, aware that time was passing and Gabrielle's shift started in fifteen minutes. "I'll walk you to the ED," he said, offering his hand to help her up. She took it gratefully. She didn't want to admit it, even to herself, let alone Jack, that her ankle still hurt so she didn't say anything when he silently looped his arm around her waist, deliberately positioning himself on the side of her bum ankle for support. It was just a pity he couldn't hold her hand while in this position, but it gave him an excuse to be close to her. He could smell the soap and shampoo she used before hospital smells obliterated them, and it made him want to spend more time with her at home.

He walked her to the hall outside the ED, just before the double doors, and stopped. "I'm going to kiss you now," he said softly. It was almost nine, and people would be arriving within minutes – someone was bound to see them in a clinch that couldn't be described as anything but romantic – and be sure to tell people about it.

She hadn't thought about that particular detail, but it made sense. Jack was a passionate man, and no-one would buy that their affection was limited to hand-holding and chaste kisses. And she found she was OK with that. She trusted him/ She felt safe with him. So she didn't object when, facing her, he kept his arm wrapped around her and leaned in to kiss her, pushing her against the wall as he did...

For a moment, she shivered with pleasure when she felt Jack's lips on hers – she'd never thought expensive coffee could taste so sexy – and when she felt his tongue flick over her lips, then into her mouth, searching for her own... she pulled her head away as best she could given she was against the wall. "No," she whispered in a way that was somewhere between half-hearted and completely unconvincing.

"What's wrong?" he asked, although he had suspected this would happen.

"Your tongue was in my mouth."

"So?"

"That's not what we agreed on." She knew she was sounding like a child trying to fend off her boyfriend's advances when she really didn't want to, and felt stupid... like an inexperienced country hick trying to fend off the advances of someone who knew his way around women... when she really didn't want to. She didn't even know what she was protesting about, if she'd thought about this hastily-conceived plan in any detail, she would have realised she and Jack had to make it look convincing.

"Am I a lousy kisser?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips because he knew damn well that he was a great kisser.

She had the childish urge to poke her tongue out at him. He had a way of bringing out her playful side, even when she felt crippled by fear. "You know you're a great kisser," she retorted.

His brow furrowed, his joking stopped as he thought of real reasons she didn't want to be kissed. "Is it too much?" he asked. "Am I making you feel... violated?"

It was too strong a word for the situation, but the only one Jack could think about because he knew damn well how long it could take to ever feel comfortable about having people in your personal space, let alone with their tongues in your mouth.

Gabrielle looked shocked. It was far from the truth; she never felt safer then when she was with Jack. "Of course not," she said. "I feel totally safe with you. It just... surprised me."

He beamed, pleased to know he wasn't making her feel threatened. "I'm not an actor, Gabby," he lied, because he had become quite adept at concealing his feelings. "I can't kiss you and make it look real when it isn't. So if I'm a good kisser and I'm not making you feel threatened then why don't you shut up and enjoy it?"

"OK," she said shyly. She hadn't counted on this degree of intimacy but Jack had a point, If they couldn't make it look good fake, then there was no point to doing this... and Gabrielle would be back to being at the mercy of hospital gossip. She tilted her head in a sign of giving Jack permission to kiss her again, smiling coyly at him.

He kissed her gently and ran his fingers along her jaw and neck, resting at her pulse, measuring her heart rate. It was going faster than normal, but she didn't seem frightened, so Jack took that to mean she felt OK. He grinned inwardly. More then OK, by his reckoning. She was enjoying herself. And that had to be good. Once she realised how much fun it was to be with him – he pushed his tongue into her mouth again, and this time, she didn't protest. In fact, she returned it. He pushed his body against hers, wedging it between his and the wall, letting his hand fall down her arm to her waist... she shivered when he squeezed her waist and involuntarily raised her arm hand to the back of his neck, running her fingers through his hair... she hadn't been telling the whole truth when she'd said Jack was a good kisser – he was more then just a good kisser, he had it down to an artform. Jack wasn't like the country boys she had dated intermittently in the past and he certainly wasn't like her ex Steve, who had no grasp on sensuality. Part of her wondered just how many women there had been that he was so good at this and another part just wanted him to keep kissing her.

"You OK?" he asked huskily, breaking of the kiss for a few seconds, pulling away from her ever-so-slightly so he could talk to her. He knew she was responding to his kisses, he just wanted to hear her admit it.

"Yeah," she said. She smiled up at him starry-eyed. She sucked on her lower lip, tasting him on her mouth. God, but she could kiss him all day.

"'Kay then," Jack said, and leant in to kiss her again this time stroking the back of her head the way she had with him moments before. He didn't need his fingers on her throat to feel her whimpering in pleasure...

At that moment, Bart came along and stopped dead in his tracks to see Jack and Gabrielle kissing in the hall. He'd already known that they were together but there was a difference between being told by Frank and actually seeing better. And even from here he could see the nasty bruise on her face – and was she leaning on her right foot just because it felt good or to favour a stronger side? "Uh, sorry," he stammered when the kissing couple broke apart at his entrance.

Jack kissed Gabrielle on the forehead. "It's OK, I was just saying goodbye," he said sheepishly, because it was obvious he was doing a little more than that. "I'll see you after I finish up, OK?" he said to her, and she nodded, momentarily lost in his eyes. He left her reluctantly, partly because he really didn't think she should be working and partly because he wanted to stay with her.

Gabrielle limped into the ED, wiping her mouth as she went, feeling very auspicious. She felt like all eyes were on her – which they probably were. Given what had happened in the last few days... "Hi, Frank," she said when she saw the ED's HoD.

Frank looked at her cautiously. He reached out to touch her cheek. "You really think you're up to this?" Frank asked. She still looked shaky.

"Frank, I've already had this from Jack – if I didn't listen to him, why am I going to listen to you?" she pointed out. "I'm fine, Frank, I really am. Just put me on light duties and I'll be fine."

He looked at her critically. Maybe she was right, but light duties would keep her mind of what had happened – and then there was always Jack. The younger doctor often frustrated Frank because of his knack of getting involved with the wrong women, but there was no denying he made every effort to do the right thing by the woman he was seeing. He'd never jeopardize Gabrielle's recovery – physical _or_ emotional. "OK," he said cautiously. "I'm putting you on paperwork only – and no trying to treat patients while my back is turned." It could only take one aggressive patient to set her off, and besides, a nurse with a badly bruised face and obvious limp was going to put patients off.

Gabrielle nodded and settled behind the staff base. She could have sworn Frank was taking advantage of the situation and piling her up with paperwork that he was too lazy to do himself. Grumbling to herself, she started at the top.

After half an hour of this, Zoe came across her. "You want my paperwork, too?" she asked with a smile.

Gabrielle poked her tongue out. "I thought I was meant to get sympathy, not loaded down with everyone's paperwork," she complained.

"It's not like you can do much else," Zoe pointed out. "Or are you deluded at to how nasty that bruise is? Or the fact I could see when you came in you can't stay on your feet for more then a few minutes. That ankle has to be killing you, you should be on bed rest."

"That's what Jack said. Not that he can talk, I seem to recall hearing about how he insisted on working after he barely escaped a house fire."

Zoe laughed. With two people as stubborn as Jack and Gabrielle could be, it would make for an interesting relationship. "I'm surprised you two haven't driven each other batty in the last month," she said wryly, then she stopped, thinking about what had happened that had conceived Jack and Gabrielle's relationship.

Sensitive to her colleague's grief, Gabrielle put her hand on Zoe's arm. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to throw it in your face."

"It's not your fault. I'm glad you got something out of it. Honestly, you shouldn't have kept it quiet if it was putting yourself at risk."

"Didn't want to alarm Jack – you know how he can get. And we didn't want to throw it in your face."

"Was that your idea or Jack's?"

"His." Well, it had been his idea that they used that as an excuse.

"That sounds like Jack," Zoe said dryly.

"How do you mean?"

"Oh, just very sensitive to how his actions affect other people... I got here after Charlotte fell pregnant so I didn't realise Jack didn't usually have periods of flatness, it was only until I asked Dan about it that Dan said he thought it had to do with Charlotte's pregnancy – but of course Jack wasn't about to admit to Charlotte that, he just sucked it up for the sake of her happiness. He never told you that?" Gabrielle shook her head. "That doesn't surprise me either. He's not really the type to go around saying when something's bothering him. "

It was a far cry from the Jack people gossiped about, the arrogant skirt-chaser who complained long and loud about everything... Gabrielle bit her lip. She'd never _heard_ him complain about anything, apart from when she'd refused to date him. And he'd offered his support when he'd found her crying... and was offering his support now, even after she'd turned him down again. That definitely wasn't in character of the Jack she had heard so much about... so maybe the Jack she had heard so much wasn't in character with the actual man. It was all so confusing.

Zoe left her to her mountain of paperwork, and Gabrielle zoned out. The paperwork became monotonous, and soon she found herself thinking about how good kissing Jack felt. He had said they could do something tonight, maybe go to Cougars where they would be seen – at first Gabrielle had just seen it as a practical thing, but now she started to think about the fringe benefits of such an outing. Holding hands, kissing... there was a lot to be said about their kind of relationship. She could enjoy the intimacy of having Jack as a boyfriend without actually having to trust him... She found herself sucking on her bottom lip again, unconsciously searching for the taste of him...

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realise Bart was trying to get her attention, calling her name several times to be met with complete nonresponse. He resorted to grabbing her arm, and the result was far more then he had bargained for. Jack knew how to handle her fragile nerves, but Bart didn't, and when he entered her personal space, let alone with enough force to grab her arm, she tensed up and it was like she was back in the carpark two days earlier and Brad Parker was pushing her against the car...

She bolted up and struck Bart with all the force she could manage before she'd even thought about it. "Don't touch me!" she screamed in a tone that echoed through the ED and sent a shiver down everyone's spine. She wasn't just scared, she was as terrified as she had been when Parker had first accosted her.

She bolted into her office and locked the door behind her. Zoe came racing up. "What the hell happened?" she demanded to know.

Bart looked defensive. "I was trying to get her attention and she wasn't responding so I grabbed her arm and – "

Zoe stared at him. Bart had often demonstrated a complete lack of common sense when it came to how his actions affected others. It wasn't that he was malicious, just that he had a self-absorption that was fairly typical of people who were both young and had led sheltered lives. Of course it wouldn't occour to Bart that maybe grabbing someone who just two nights before had been sexually assaulted wasn't a great idea. "Are you serious?" Zoe asked him. Even allowing for Bart's complete ignorance when it came to these sorts of things, Zoe struggled to believe that someone could study medicine for six years and still have such a limited grasp on bedside manner. "She was sexually assaulted two nights ago. You didn't think that maybe she wouldn't respond well to someone grabbing her?"

"It was far less then how Jack was... er... touching her this morning when I arrived," Bart said, the only thing he could think of in his defence.

"Jack's her boyfriend, I'm sure he knows how to make her feel comfortable." Zoe raised her hand to her temple. She'd known it was a bad idea to have Gabrielle back on the ward so early. But Gabrielle was stubborn, and Jack was more likely than not to back her up, even if she thought she was in the wrong. Gabrielle's on-edge nerves were being held together by fragile binds and while Bart had been stupid, something was bound to come along and set her off eventually. She thought to try the door, but she knew if she were in Gabrielle's position, she would have locked the door and using her own keys on it right now probably wasn't a good idea. "OK," she said. "I'll page Jack." If she felt comfortable with him, then maybe he could calm her down. If he couldn't, then she'd have no choice than to insist that Frank force her onto trauma leave.

* * *

"What's the deal between you and a certain nurse?" Mike asked Jack with a knowing smile. The two of them were kicking back in the surgeon's lounge between surgeries.

"I would have thought it was obvious," Jack blustered, because ever since he had opened up to Mike about his abuse, it was like Mike was able to read him like a book – maybe it just made more sense about Jack to know what he had been through then before. And if Mike knew him at all –

"What _obvious_ is that you wouldn't tell me a word what was going on between you, and from what I've gathered, when you're in love, you're obvious about it. And all you've done since Sean died is mope."

"He was a colleague, I was sad," Jack defended himself.

"Bullshit. Jack, this is me. Something isn't adding up. If you'd been with her, you would have been happier then you have been – it's not just Sean. What happened, she knock you back?" Jack blushed, which was all the answer Mike needed. "Ah, so she knocked you back... and something happened that you're now together?"

"Not exactly," Jack admitted and, caught out, he told Mike everything that had happened – Gabrielle knocking him back, him walking in on Parker and his cronies about to gang-rape her, her knocking him back again, finally agreeing to go along with this fake-relationship plan of his... He shrugged at the end of it. "I really like her, Mike."

"So you'll fake a relationship to be close to her? No offence Jack, but I don't think I came up with something so screwy when I was addicted to morphine."

"It's not just that... I mean, if it was just that, then I would leave her be. But... Jesus, Mike, you didn't see her. They would have... I mean, what I went through, that was just one man, they would have taken turns on her until they'd gotten bored or put her in a coma. They did that because of something _I_ did, because _I_ wasn't thinking, because I wanted to be with someone at that very second and she was there and..."

Jack was babbling now, trying to justify his actions. Mike understood it, to a point. Jack had a deep sense of honour, especially when it came to women, that was true, and he would do something like this. But it was more then that – he had genuine feelings for her, and he pointed out as much. "She doesn't trust me," Jack admitted. "Maybe this way – maybe this way she can learn to like me... maybe she can learn to love me. She doesn't trust me. I can't blame her, there have been so many women – and the stuff that's been said about me... Mike, I want to be with her. I can't explain it, but when we were together, it was the most amazing experience... and the time we've been together in the last two days... oh, I'm making a complete hash of things. I want her to trust me," he said simply. "And if this is the way to go..."

"And if you can't?"

Jack shrugged. "Then I don't know. I just... need to try."

Mike wasn't sure if he should feel pity, scorn or sympathy for Jack. This was a pretty desperate, outrageous idea, conceived by a desperate man in highly unusual circumstances. Did he really think being in such close proximity to her would make her fall for him? And what would he do when his plan fell to pieces?

Jack's pager went off at that moment, and he fished it out of his pocket. He frowned. It was from Zoe. He couldn't remember the last time he had been paged personally by an ED doctor; they always paged the surgical team in general and one of the surgeons was delegated from there. The most obvious thing was that it was about Gabrielle. "I've got to get down to the ED," he murmured, getting up before Mike had the chance to tell him to stay. They were in between surgeries and anyway, Mike could page him back if need be. And Zoe wouldn't have called him away if it wasn't important.

He quickly made his way down to the ED, and was immediately struck by how quiet it was. Gabrielle was nowhere to be seen. "What happened?" he asked with a growing feeling of dread mounting in his stomach.

Zoe explained as simply and blame-free as she could that Bart had grabbed her when he hadn't been able to catch her attention. "He wasn't being malicious, Jack... just a little insensitive," Zoe defended her subordinate. She might have thought Bart's actions were highly insensitive and thoughtless, but she wasn't about to admit that to a surgeon – even a surgeon she liked as much as Jack. "If you can't calm her down, I'm going to have no choice but to recommend her on forced trauma leave. We can't have any member of staff, lead alone a head of department, falling apart like that."

It was exactly what Jack had been afraid of. But then, he had known better than Gabrielle how long it could take to become comfortable having people in your personal space after such a violation. He nodded slightly, and Zoe handed him the keys to the office. He opened the door slowly and poked his head around. "It's just me," he said softly, soothingly. "Can I come in?."

"If you want."

He let himself in. She was sitting on the floor against the wall, her legs folded against her chest and her arms wrapped protectively around them. From across the office Jack could see that she'd been crying heavily. "You want to tell me what happened?" he asked in that same soothing voice that made her feel a little less alone in the world.

"I bet Zoe already told you what an ass I made of myself," she sniffled scathingly, angry at herself for letting such a little thing upset her so much.

Jack sat down beside her, careful not to take her in his arms although it was what he desperately wanted to do. "I'd like to hear your side," he said, completely without judgement.

"You'll just say you told me so."

"Gabs, I am hardly going to gloat about the fact that someone I care about is holed up in her office, terrified because she went against my advice," he told her gently. Tentatively, he reached for her hand, and was relieved when she didn't pull away from him – and then curled her fingers around his, first apprehensively, then tightly, as if suddenly reminded of the strength that lay in his body – and the protective nature that lay in his heart.

"I was doing paperwork and tuned out from everything, I didn't hear Bart calling me, wasn't even aware he was there until he grabbed my arm. It wasn't – I mean, I know he wasn't being aggressive or anything but as soon as he touched me, it was like I was back in the carpark and Parker was grabbing me and – " she broke off into a fresh round of tears.

"Oh, baby." Sensing that she wouldn't push him away, Jack drew her into his arms held her against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. "It's OK, I'm here and no-one's going to hurt you." He let her cry for a few minutes until her tears subsided and her body began to relax and he knew he could talk to her rationally. "Sweetheart, you have to pull it together, or Frank will make you take leave. I have a short surgery after this so I should only finish an hour or so after you. If you can hold it together and you don't mind waiting for me we can head to Cougars or something... whatever you want."

Gabrielle nodded. She was reluctant to leave the security of Jack's arms but she knew he had a point. She couldn't stay holed up in her office all day. "OK," she agreed in a small voice.

He cupped her chin and tilted her head so she was looking up at him. She had never looked more beautiful, the way she looked to him for support and security... Goddamnit, he shouldn't be feeling _good_ that she felt she had no-one otherwise, but she had this way of looking at him...

He had only intended to kiss her quickly on the lips but there was something so intoxicating about the way she tasted, her mouth tinged with the salt of her tears, the way she trembled – with desire, he was sure, not fear – when their mouths met, the way the hands around his neck found their way into his hair. She met his kisses eagerly, partly out of genuine desire and partly because Jack made her feel warm and special and safe in a way she couldn't remember ever feeling, even before everything had happened...

It was Jack, not Gabrielle who reluctantly pulled away when he heard Zoe open the door. "Is everything alright?" she asked, a smirk playing on her face because everything looked more then fine. Trust Jack to take full opportunity of a situation like this to kiss his girlfriend in the office she shared with Zoe and Frank.

"I'm fine," Gabrielle said, her voice surprisingly steady. "Just give me a few minutes to wash my face and I'll get back to it."

Zoe nodded slightly and let Gabrielle pass by her. She faced Jack. "Do you really think she's alright?" she asked him dubiously.

"No," Jack said honestly. "But she wants to be, and she's stubborn, stubborn enough to keep it together. Just... I can't believe Bart was so bloody stupid. If he's intelligent to grasp he's not allowed to be alone with sexual assault victims, surely he's intelligent enough to get that grabbing one isn't a clever idea?"

"Go easy on him, Jack, he wasn't being malicious."

"Just stupid," he said venomously. Intellectually he got that Bart hadn't been acting out of malice, but he had frightened Gabrielle, and that was all that was important to him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the offending doctor and before Zoe could think to try and stop him in any way – not that she was any match for him – he was racing after him. Bart stepped backwards, frightened by the look in Jack's eyes. He had heard the stories of Jack's temper, of course, that Jack was known to get into punch-ups with men over them, but he'd never seen that side of him and he never wanted to see it again – at least, not directed at him. "I'm sorry," he mumbled weakly.

Jack clenched his fists at his sides. He wanted to frighten Bart the way he'd frightened Gabrielle, and it was all he could do to restrain himself. "You scare her like that again and I swear to God _I_ will hit you, and I promise I hit much harder then a sixty-kilo woman," he growled. Bart would have stepped back if he wasn't already backed against the staffbase.

"Jack, that's not really fair –" Zoe began, but Jack swung around to train those angry, green-grey eyes that were normally so passive on her and she immediately understood what had frightened Bart. Jack was _pissed_ and ready to turn on anyone he thought was a threat to his precious Gabrielle.

"I don't really care what's _fair_," he said, stressing the last word sarcastically, well aware of just how fair it was Gabrielle was in the situation she was. "I care that my girlfriend doesn't feel frightened." But he unclenched his fists and that cold, angry look dissipated when he saw Gabrielle coming up behind Zoe. He smiled at her and walked up to her.

"You'll be OK?" he asked. She nodded, and he kissed her gently, with as much affection and about as little passion as he would have Rebecca. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he left the ED.

"Sorry about that," Gabrielle said sheepishly. "He's a bit protective."

"Hope he runs into Bianca on his way back," Zoe muttered. Preferably on a lonely corridor where there were no security cameras. Maybe if he took his anger out of someone who actually deserved it, he might stop taking it out on her doctors.

By the time the hour was out, it was already circulating the hospital that Jack Quade had gotten into yet another fight over a girl and Gabrielle Jaeger was not someone you cared to upset.


	4. Chapter 4

"You know what your problem is, Bart?" Erica asked playfully. It was her and Dan's first public outing together as well as Jack and Gabrielle's and she was in high spirits. "I bet you've never dated a girl who had a big brother. AJ used to treat making potential boyfriends cry as a sport." She laughed at the memories, the first time she had been able to laugh about her brother since his death.

"Try having a sister more than ten years younger than you," Charlotte put in. "I bet AJ would have had nothing on Sophia. She was very young when Vincent and I first got together, so she couldn't remember anyone else – anyone I dated was always compared and inevitably failed to measure up. I resented her so much for it and it wasn't until very recently that we were able to have anything close to an adult relationship."

"Jack, what's Rebecca think of Gabrielle?" Vincent asked with a smile, because he remembered all-too-well Sophia's devotion to him both as a brother-in-law and later, when Charlotte had long since come out of the closest, as some kind of romantic hero. Siblings could be a pain when it came to romantic entanglements, and Rebecca Rowe's devotion to her older brother was well-known, especially when it came to anyone she saw as a threat to their closeness. "Jack?" Vincent pressed. "What does Rebecca think of Gabrielle?"

But Jack was too busy running his mouth over the bare skin of Gabrielle's neck and shoulders that her strappy top didn't cover to have listened to a word of the last five minutes of conversation. She still smelled nice, although maybe that was because she had spent the day doing paperwork rather then taking part in procedures, so the smell of soap and shampoo still lingered. "Jack!" Vincent yelled, and his former protégé looked up, startled. If he hadn't had a sixty-kilo weight on his lap, he would have jumped out of his chair.

"Sorry, what?" he asked sheepishly, to the amusement of everyone at the table. Jack had been too preoccupied with Gabrielle to notice Vincent had addressed him not once, but twice. Not even Charlotte and Dan, who had witnessed his behaviour with Deanna, had seem him like this.

"We were just talking about how annoying siblings can be when it comes to our relationships and I wanted to know what Rebecca thought of Gabrielle."

For a second Jack went pale and he realised one detail he hadn't factored into this hastily-concealed plan. Thankfully, Vincent mistook his paleness for being caught out at deceiving his sister, as opposed to his colleagues. But then, it was far more plausible that Jack would keep a burgeoning relationship from a sister as possessive as Rebecca then fake the whole thing. "Dear God, don't tell me you didn't tell her?" Charlotte chimed in.

Jack thought quickly and settled on something plausible. "What, you've forgotten the way she treated Deanna?"

"Course I haven't forgotten. I tell that story to everyone who worked with her."

"What story?" Bart asked.

Charlotte opened her mouth to relay it – she never got tired of telling people how a slip of a teenager got the better of the woman she had affectionately dubbed as the wicked witch of the ED – then decided not to. "Sorry, another time maybe," she said.

"If you're trying to spare me, Char, don't worry. I'm a big girl and I don't get jealous easily,"

Gabrielle said.

Charlotte beamed. "Rebecca managed to get Jack's girlfriend at the time completely plastered – in all fairness, the girl knows how to make a killer cocktail that goes down like silk – then started needling her about everything – her career, her age, and finally contrived to have his ex-girlfriend call just to really stick the boot in. She was in tears by the time Jack got off the phone. This was a woman who wreaked havoc in our ward and had our admin running to cater to her every whim, made a complete ass out of by a _teenager_."

"It's a lot funnier if you ever had to work with her," Erica offered when Bart looked completely blank, like getting someone plastered and stepping on their every nerve until they were in tears was something amusing.

"She did not contrive to have Terri call," Jack protested. "Terri just called."

"And Rebecca took full use of the opportunity," Charlotte. "Anyway, to get back to the original point – this girl really doesn't take to what she sees as a threat to their closeness. I mean, she _really_ didn't like Deanna, no-one did, well, no-one but Jack did – " Jack poked his tongue out at Charlotte at this point "but she can be pretty scary and I can't really blame Jack for trying to keep you a secret. I'd take Sophia any day."

"She's not that bad," Jack protested.

"She is too!" Cate countered. "We get along alright now that she got it into that possessive little skull of hers that there isn't and never was anything between us other then friendship, but she was really rude for a while. I totally second Charlotte's opinion."

"Looks like you don't have an option anymore," Vincent said knowingly, and Jack twisted around as best in his chair as he could with Gabrielle in his lap and cringed when he saw Rebecca coming in the door and heading towards them, all energetic bounding and smug smile, like she'd thwarted a plan.

"Dan..." Jack said, because he knew exactly how she had found out.

"Hey, if you'd just told me, I wouldn't have had to have called her," Dan said indignantly, as if it was entirely Jack's fault for keeping his private life private and forcing Dan to find gossip from other means.

Gabrielle felt Jack's arm tighten around her waist, and she gritted her teeth to stop from crying out. No sense in drawing attention to the fact that Jack was hurting her. She breathed in relief when Jack loosened his grip. "Just follow my lead," he said. He hadn't planned for Rebecca knowing, least of all fronting up to Cougars to confront him – or her – under the guise of getting to know her brother's new girlfriend.

"Hi," she said pleasantly, but with an edge to her voice. She smiled sweetly at Zoe, who was sitting opposite Jack, and Zoe immediately knew what Charlotte and Cate were talking about that Rebecca was possessive.

"I think I'll go get a drink," she said, knowing that the second she headed towards the bar, Rebecca was going to steal her seat so she was in an excellent position to take stock of Gabrielle.

Which was precisely what Rebecca did. Zoe returned from the bar to catch Rebecca saying, "So you're the NUM, huh? I guess that makes you Deanna's replacement."

Zoe nearly spat out her drink at the thinly-veiled bitchiness that accompanies Rebecca's sweetly-coated question. "Is Jack going to let her get away with that?" she asked Charlotte, who she was now sitting next to.

"He's let her get away with more," Charlotte said solemnly. Which was a shame, because she liked Gabrielle and thought she was far better for Jack then Deanna had been. But then, anyone would have been better for Jack.

Gabrielle gritted her teeth. _Possessive little witch_, were her first thoughts. She didn't want to undermine Jack and Rebecca's closeness over a fraudulent relationship, but she was even less willing to be treated like that. She matched Rebecca's sweet smile. "I believe I'm actually Dan's replacement," she replied with feigned country ignorance at Rebecca's innuendo that bordered on brilliant.

It was obvious her upbeat reply had knocked some of Rebecca's arrogance out of her. Charlotte smiled. She had underestimated Gabrielle.

Gabrielle felt Jack's chest heave and contract in attempt to stifle laughter, and she smiled herself. Maybe even Jack knew he'd given his sister too free a reign in his life – even Zoe would vacate her chair at so much as a look – and it was about time someone stood up to her.

Rebecca reached over for Jack's drink. "You always did have excellent taste in spirits, George," she said appreciatively.

"You're just on a student budget," he returned.

"OK, seriously, when are the two of you going to tell us where the 'George' thing comes from?" Vincent asked.

"It's a literary allusion," Rebecca replied, a little smug in the vast intelligence she and Jack shared – although from who they'd both gotten it, they didn't know, because neither their mother nor their respective fathers was exactly Einstein material.

"I studied literature," Vincent returned. He had a vague memory that Jack had once been as smug and arrogant as Rebecca was capable of being. "If it's a character, it's lost of me."

Gabrielle smiled. "It's not a character, it's an author. George Orwell wrote _1984_, or, for those of you who didn't have to sit through history taught by a Cold War survivor, Orwell is the guy who invented the term _big brother_, not, according to popular belief, channel ten. Heh, that's cute."

Rebecca frowned. "I don't get it, what's history got to do with it?"

_Not as smart as you think you are, are you?_ Gabrielle thought smugly. "It's based on the tyranny of the Community government in Russia," she said. That she knew this because she had incurred her history professor's wrath by taking _Animal Farm_ at its face value as opposed to being an intellectual who read political novels for kicks wasn't something Rebecca needed to know. And the way Rebecca's frown deepened when she told her this was worth whatever peevishness she might incur from Jack.

"Learn that in – where's that accent from? Eden Bridge?" she asked snidely. Jack tightened his grip around her waist. Rebecca had definitely gone too far this time, and he was inwardly rooting for Gabrielle to hold her own, even if it pissed Rebecca off.

"Widgee, actually, although that's quite impressive," Gabrielle conceded. She bit back the urge to slap the girl. She didn't even have that strong an accent, she was hardly Steve Irwin, but Rebecca had still managed to pick up on it. She wondered if it was because she sounded like she was from southern Queensland or because she sounded like a country hick. "It's about a hundred k's south of Eden Bridge, right on the border. And no, I learnt that at the University of Brisbane." _Take that, I'm not some stupid uneducated hick_. She didn't know why Rebecca's snideness grated on her so much, except that she had run into her type so many times before; sophisticated, stuck-up people who thought the fact she came from a farm in southern Queensland made her a bumbling idiot completely beyond learning. "Where did you get your degree?" she asked sweetly, because she knew Rebecca was too young to have a degree.

""I'm at uni, studying law, she said.

"Ah. Isn't there something like one articles position for every four graduates?" Gabrielle asked. "I was friends with a girl at uni who was studying law who used to complain about that. I got the impression you had to be super-intelligent to achieve anything, even with a degree."

"I'd rather take my chances then being stuck in a low-paying job which gets me no respect... mind you, I guess that's not an issue for you."

"What does that mean?"

"Absolutely nothing," Rebecca said with venomous sweetness that meant exactly the opposite, and Gabrielle had a sinking feeling that she and Jack were the kind of siblings who told each other everything. Well, not everything, because she hadn't known that she and Jack _weren't_ together, but still – how much had he said? "I realise everyone has their own tastes, but personally, I've never been a fan of hospital beds If you have such little respect for yourself, how are you ever going to get anyone else to respect you?"

The table went dead silent. Jack growled. Rebecca had really gone too far this time, and he regretted ever saying anything – but then, he hadn't exactly expected all this to happen when he'd confided the consult room incident in his sister. And now he was going to have to explain why he hadn't told her they'd gotten together. But that didn't give her any excuse to be rude and nasty to the woman she thought to be his girlfriend. He went to say something, but Gabrielle got in first. Suddenly hit by a flash of inspiration as to what would strike back just as hard and determined not to let Rebecca know how dirty her snide little comment made her feel, she said breezily, "That's true enough, I guess, but I do have my own standards, lines that I never cross."

"Like what?"

"Like married men," she said with poisoned sweetness that matched Rebecca's. It had come to her instantly, a comment Jack had made when they'd been talking.

It was a treat to watch the younger woman go pale. Gabrielle knew she'd crossed a line and she wouldn't blame Jack for wanting to call an end to this subterfuge after all he'd done for her, but God, it would have been worth it. Rebecca was struck completely speechless. She gripped the table and looked like she was going to scream, or pass out, or lunge across the table and strangle the life out of Gabrielle. Finally she said, "I have to get going, I have an early start – you know, law degree and all." She looked straight through Gabrielle and smiled at Jack. "I'll see you later," she said, inwardly thinking that Gabrielle was going to pay for that comment – and she'd extract some grovelling out of Jack, too, for telling her such an intimate detail of their lives.

"We'll have drinks, just the two of us," Jack managed to choke out. He couldn't believe Gabrielle had managed such a zinger. He would pay for that later, but Rebecca had had it coming. He couldn't remember her being so bitchy with Deanna, or maybe he'd just been too infatuated with the idea of having such a likeable family member that he'd overlooked her possessiveness. Well, he couldn't keep letting her get away with it, and he was proud of Gabrielle for holding her own.

Rebecca left stiffly, inwardly fuming. Charlotte, who had been about to burst for holding in her laughter, gave up her efforts. "I can't believe you took a swipe at a dead woman," she said, shocked and delighted that Gabrielle had that kind of bitchy streak. So long as she only used it for good, then the Biancas of the world were in for a headache.

Gabrielle looked surprised. "I'm sorry, she's dead?" she asked in horror. It was one thing to take a swipe at Carla in the abstract, but knowing she was dead... "Oh, god, Jack, I'm so sorry."

He kissed the back of her head. "It's OK." He had never known his mother to be close to her, and besides, Gabrielle hadn't known. And even if she had – he probably would have been able to overlook it, Rebecca had had it coming. He bent his head slightly so he could nip the top of her ear, marvelling at her ability to hold her own against Rebecca. He raised his head and looked at Charlotte. "Was she really that bad with Deanna?" he asked ruefully.

"Yeah, but she actually deserved it," Charlotte said. She was still giggling. "That was brilliant," she said to Gabrielle. "I couldn't even see her face but I knew she was pissed. Hold onto this one, Jack, she's got spirit." Anyone who could take on Rebecca Rowe and win had to have loads of it.

* * *

"Sorry I got you into trouble with your sister," Gabrielle said later as Jack helped her through the door. She'd had a bit too much to drink and welcomed his supporting arm around her waist. Besides, she felt secure in his arms. There was so much strength to him physically, but she never felt threatened with him.

"It's fine, she had it coming," Jack said easily.

"But she's your sister, Jack, and I'm just – you've done this huge thing for me and I repaid you by being a cow to your sister."

"Gabs, I said it's fine. Honestly, you kind of did me a favour – she's my sister and I love her and it's easy for me to let her get away with being rude to people rather than hurt her feelings. She had no right to say what she did to you." He spun her around so he could hug her and kissed the top of her head. God, but he wanted to kiss her properly. Having her in such close proximity to him all night made it increasingly difficult not to overstep the boundaries they'd agreed on.

Gabrielle let Jack's assurance seep in then she asked, "Did she really make Deanna cry?"

"Yup."

"How?"

"Oh, she didn't actually plan it – it was my birthday so I had a few people over for lunch and drinks and my ex Terri called. Rebecca didn't plan it, but she took full advantage of it and needled Deanna about how in love I'd been with her and how much I adored her little girl Lucy and that it was hard for other women to compete with that, even with her in Scotland. I don't know how much of it was just that Deanna was drunk at the time or that she had some genuine feelings for me – " Jack's tone suggested he didn't think so "and Rebecca's words got to her. Either way, I came back to find her in tears. Charlotte thought it was hilarious."

"Was she really as bad as people say she was?" Gabrielle asked.

"She wreaked a lot of havoc but I'm not sure if she did it out of malice or things just got out of hand."

"A heart attack is more then a bit out of hand," Gabrielle pointed out.

"I know. But the way she was with me... maybe I tell myself this rather then admit that she played me completely, but I have to believe there was something there, that she actually felt bad for the way things turned out."

"You were really in love with her," she mused, surprised. With all the talk there was about him, the women he went through, she'd never seen him as the in-love type.

"You say that like you're surprised," he remarked.

"You don't exactly have a reputation for love and commitment," she pointed out.

She had thought he would be insulted, but instead he laughed. "That's going to change," he said. "I'm going to make you the envy of every woman in this hospital."

She was surprised to realise she looked forward to it. "Do you want to come over tomorrow night?" she asked, surprisingly shy. "We could watch a DVD or something."

Damn, she was really letting him in and he had a commitment. Travis had a knack of claiming his time at the most inconvenient moments. "I'm sorry, I have something I can't get out of," he said. "Maybe the next night?"

"Maybe," she agreed half-heartedly. The moment was gone. They hugged goodbye and he was gone, thinking about how badly he had wanted to kiss her.

* * *

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"No-one," Jack replied distractedly.

Travis Knight smirked. Jack had said 'no-one', not 'nothing', which meant he was thinking about a person. And the only two possibilities for him not to want to talk about it were either Patrick Wesley or a girl. And he was the only person Jack could talk to about Patrick and the horrible things he had done, so Jack wouldn't keep that from him. Which meant it had to be a girl. "What's her name?" he asked.

"What's who's name?"

"The girl you're thinking about. The no-one."

Jack looked sheepish. Every so often Travis surprised him with his insight. "Gabrielle," he said.

"Is she as pretty as her name?"

"Mate, it's not like that."

"Oh, come on, Jack, don't be mean. You know my love-life consists of whatever you tell me about yours. Indulge a dying man."

Jack winced. He hated it when Travis joked about his chronic illness. For all that he found Travis's existence in his life maddening at times, there was a kind of comfort to be had in having someone who knew what you had been through. Mike and Dan might be empathetic, but they just didn't understand what it was like to live with the memories Jack and Travis did, the nightmares that were so vivid you woke up shaking with pain, the feeling that you would never be clean or whole. He would miss Travis more then he could comprehend.

He found himself telling the younger man what had transpired in the last month. "When I saw them with her... I wanted to kill them. I think I would have if I hadn't had to make sure she was alright. I saw the look in his eyes... he didn't care if they ripped her to shreds, it was this sense of entitlement... Patrick in his own warped way cared if it hurt or not, but it was like they no more cared about hurting a bug they stepped on. I can't let her keep being exposed to that, not when I was just as responsible, not when I can do something about it."

"I think it's sweet," Travis said wistfully. Of course he would, Jack thought. He was the only person who truly knew what it was to need someone to protect you from the sexual predators of the world.

"I didn't think it would be as hard as it is," Jack admitted. "I want to touch her all the time and I have to be content with a few public kisses and hugging her in private. Yesterday when she went toe-to-toe with my sister, it was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen and I could barely keep my hands off her. And then I keep picturing her face, it'll take weeks for that bruise to fade, and how she got it and I feel awful for wanting her that badly after what she's been through."

"You can't blame yourself for being attracted to her, Jack. And from what you've said, she's not exactly pushing you away." He smiled. "That kissing thing is brilliant. She can't turn you down."

Jack grinned. "I know. And it's not just that – she feels _so right_ to be with, when she's sitting in my lap or leaning into me it's like she's the perfect fit and it's _not fair_ that I can't take things any further."

There were a lot of things that hadn't been fair in their lives. Travis felt the out-of-character urge to hug him, except he couldn't stand being touched, or touching people. "If you guys have that kind of chemistry, then it won't be too long before she sees it."

"I hope so," Jack said.

"Does she know about Patrick?"

Jack made a face. What was with people telling him she ought to know about Patrick? He shook his head, and when Travis wanted to know why, he explained that it had no relevance to their relationship – maybe if they were together, it might make a difference, but they weren't and too many people knew already for Jack's liking.

"But you said she doesn't want to be with you 'cos she doesn't trust you," Travis reminded him. "Maybe if she knows why you play around, she'll see things differently."

"Mate, I am not telling her about this horrible thing in the hope she'll look at me differently." In fact, that was precisely the problem, that she _would_ look at him differently – and not in a good way, in a lesser way, like he was the used little boy he always in some way thought himself as. "Can we just drop it?"

"Fine, " Travis agreed, recognising that tone in Jack's voice and secretly wondering how he might do something to change the situation.

* * *

Gabrielle was walking through the corridor that led to the ED, too engrossed in paperwork to see Bianca coming the other way until it was almost too late. Instinctively, she braced herself on her good foot and backed against the wall.

Bianca, who had been in a foul mood ever since finding out about Parker's firing, was none to pleased to see the woman she considered to be responsible for it, and she brushed against her as if she were something toxic. "What do you think you're doing?" she growled.

"Uh... that would be going to my ward," Gabrielle said. She'd been thinking about Jack and how much she'd enjoyed herself at Cougars, and that made Bianca a whole lot easier to deal with. She kind of felt sorry for the woman, that the best she could come up with as an ally was a man like Brad Parker. How did a woman's priorities get so screwed up that she'd back a man like Parker yet gun for someone like Jack?

"You sure you're up for it?" Bianca asked snidely. She wondered if she could get Gabrielle off-balance enough to make her fall on her ass. It's not like there were any witnesses around –

"Yeah, despite what Jack and Frank have to say about it," Gabrielle said, unable to resist having a go at Bianca's complete lack of allies in this hospital. Jack, normally so placid when it came to a slight against himself, had gone after Bianca and her already-shaky reputation with a vengeance, being as ruthless and vengeful as she had been with both of them. And with Charlotte telling anyone who would listen that Jack had finally met someone he cared enough about to stand up to his sister over her, well, his stock as a loving boyfriend was looking pretty good right now – and hers as a human being with any personal integrity was plummeting. "I have to admit," she said with the same venomous sweetness she had used on Rebecca, "as much as the pair of them drive me batty sometimes, it's nice to have a boyfriend and department head so absolutely on your side."

_Gotcha_, she thought gleefully, watching Bianca's face go a fascinating shade of green in resentment. Mike had never been enamored with her, and rumour had it that this open-marriage she had with her husband had been as his instigation, not hers. The support she had counted on only a week ago was based on cronydom and intimidation... and now she was increasingly being seen as a joke."I don't see why you're putting so much stock in Jack," she said coolly. "Everyone knows you're just his latest... _conquest_." She spoke that word as if she might have said _whore_.

Gabrielle shrugged and smiled indifferently. She had Bianca on the defence. She didn't know why, but she did, and she was enjoying it. "Maybe," she agreed, as if they were agreeing on something more contentious then the weather. "But find someone other than Charlotte and I in this hospital who he's slept with. Dan was just saying to me before that he's never seen Jack look this happy." Which she had made up on the spot, but she was sure she could get her subordinate to back her up.

For a second, Bianca's mask dropped and there was utter hatred in her face. "Men like Jack Quade never make anyone happy," she hissed. "He'll just use you and you'll learn the hard way that you don't spread your legs for someone like him and expect to get anything out of it."

There was something in her voice that sent a shiver down Gabrielle's voice – a hatred there. This wasn't just the words of a professional rival or a woman who had a hearty dislike of the boys club that made up the surgical community – this was deeply personal.

She started to say something, but was interrupted by Bart. "Need some help?" he asked.

"I'm fine, thanks," she said. "I had that covered," she said, trying not to be irritated with him. He was only trying to be nice, probably still feeling guilty that he'd upset her a few days ago.

"Sorry," he said in a small voice, and she felt bad. Bart couldn't help doing the wrong thing for the right reason.

"It's fine. That woman... she just puts me on edge," Gabrielle vented.

"I don't blame you."

"And I don't even know why she does it," Gabrielle continued.

"She's just a rotten human being," Bart said. "She hates everyone."

"That's just it, she has it in for Jack in particular... and me, by extension." The fact she'd had Bianca banned from the ward had only made things worse, but things would have been OK if it wasn't for her connection to Jack. "It's personal with him... irrational, but personal."

"You can't be for real. He's never done anything to her... has he?" Gabrielle shook her head. "Face it, she just doesn't like him and you got caught up in it."

Gabrielle started to shake her head, then decided not to. Bart wasn't someone she wanted to confide it, anyway. He was sweet enough but too sheltered to realise people like Bianca operated on their own selfish and perverted logic. And besides, she couldn't trust him to keep his mouth shut – he was far too close to Erica and Dan, who were some of the hospitals worst gossips (albeit in a mainly benign way) and this was something she wanted to work out for herself.

* * *

Jack was so deeply engrossed in a book that he jumped when his phone went off, vibrating against his thigh. "Jesus, babe, warn a guy," he complained when he answered it.

"Bet you were reading and were lost to the world," Gabrielle teased. He laughed guiltily. "Are you free for lunch?"

"I can be," he said, thinking that even if Bianca tried to pull her seniority bullshit on him, Vincent could do the same to her. Vincent was one hundred percent on his side now, and he and Mike did everything they could to cramp Bianca's vindictive style without looking like they were playing favourites. Taking on the boy's club hadn't been a smart move on her part.

He looked up at Bianca, who was pretending to be engrossed in a fashion magazine when Jack was sure her ears were pricked to his conversation.

"You ever dated a country girl before?" she asked.

"Nope."

"So you've never experienced country cooking before?"

"Nope."

She laughed. "You're in for a treat then. I'll meet you by that tree of yours, down by the lake?"

"Give me five minutes." He clicked off his phone and got up. "I'm going to lunch," he said to no-one in particular, although Vincent and Bianca were both in the room.

Bianca immediately flared. She was still smarting from her run-in with Gabrielle two days before and wanted to exert her authority in whatever she could gain – and she _was_ still Jack's superior, for all he crapped on about how he didn't have to answer to her anymore. "I'm your boss and I say you stay," she said coolly.

"And I'm your boss, and for heaven's sake, Bianca, if we get any more dead here we may as well move this little party to the morgue," Vincent interrupted. "Go on your break, Jack, just keep your phone and pager on." Jack flashed Vincent a grateful grin and left for lunch.

"...What's up?" Mike asked ten minutes later when he entered the surgeon's lounge. It was quiet, far quieter then usual. It didn't help that they were three staff down but it was more then that – Bianca was being sullen, and Vincent was doing nothing to cheer her up. In fact, he looked almost _pleased_ to be complicit in her sullenness.

"Jack took off," Bianca said haughtily.

"Gabrielle called asking him to lunch and I let him go," Vincent corrected. He and Mike exchanged a rare look of understanding. So Bianca was pissed because Vincent had the authority to put a stop to the mind games she liked to play with Jack.

"Bet she makes great home-cooked meals," Mike said wistfully. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a home-cooked meals.

"She's good for him," Vincent agreed. "He seems even happier with her then he was with Deanna."

"But you didn't like Deanna," Mike said, part question, part statement.

"No-one did. She rubbed me the wrong way from day one. I think if Jack wasn't so stubborn about not admitting he made yet another bad decision about a woman, he'd admit there was something off about her too. But I like Gabrielle. I would never have seen the two of them together but maybe tragedy brings out the best in people."

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Bianca look even more engrossed in her fashion magazine. But there was something about her demeanour – he wondered if there was anything to Charlotte's opinion that there was something personal between Jack and Bianca, and that women had an instinct about these things that men didn't. He'd personally thought it was laughable, if Jack had done anything to piss of Bianca this royally, surely he would have remembered it – the boy wasn't _that_ obtuse.

"Wow, what did I do to deserve this?" Jack asked when he saw the picnic basket Gabrielle had hauled with her.

"I was bored and when I'm bored, I cook," she said. "Actually, most of it's from last night but the potato salad and bread I made today." She handed him a thermos full of soup. "It's pea and ham, I hope you like it," she said, feeling shy all of a sudden. It had been ages since she'd cooked for anyone.

"Gabs, no-one's taken the trouble to make me anything since I moved out of Mary's duplex," Jack said. "I'd be pleased with a tossed salad." He unscrewed the thermos and inhaled the soup, suddenly feeling very hungry. "Smells great," he said. He took a tentative sip, more for fear of burning his mouth then having it filled with some foul-tasting concoction, and found himself gulping it down. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "It's just really good."

"No-one's been around to appreciate my cooking since I left home," she replied. She started pulling out things from the basket – roast chicken, potato salad, still-warm bread, fruit juice.

"You're going to make me fat," he complained, picking up a leg anyway and chewing on it. Gabrielle was a good cook – she hadn't been lying about country cooking – and he felt like he couldn't cram food into his mouth fast enough. He was acting like a pig and he only hoped she took it as a compliment.

Boldly, she stroked her hand down his back, feeling the muscles under his shirt. "You could probably do with it, you must have a ridiculously low fat percentage."

"Just like being fit, that's all," he said, a tough too defensively.

"For what, the Olympics?" she teased. But she didn't drop her arm from around his back. There was something so sexy about the great shape he was in, hidden by his slender frame and the full-sleeved shirts he liked to wear. She wondered what it would be like to make out with him, to spend hours against that body. Their initial tryst had been so brief, and the night she'd spent in his arms, she'd been so terrified that she'd barely registered his presence.

She rested her head on his shoulder then realised, with some reluctance, that she had to move away from him so she could eat. But she didn't move away from him when he contrived to move against her so their legs were touching.

For the next half hour they ate and exchanged small talk. It was so _relaxing_ being with him, she thought After he was too full to manage more then half a slice of her mother's recipe chocolate cake and Mike still hadn't paged him, they lay on the grass, her lying on her back, him on his side, looking down at her. He loved the way she smiled at him, when she was looking him in the eyes and her smile was meant just for him. He stroked her face. She radiated a strength and vulnerability that made her beautiful despite the fact she wasn't the most glamorous woman in the world. "Are you going to be a baby about it again if I try to kiss you?" he teased, a smirk playing on his face to hide the fact he didn't want her to pull away like she had last time – even if she _had_ accepted his kiss just a few seconds later.

Gabrielle poked her tongue out. It was the perfect opportunity to indulge in a public display of affection, people swarming the hospital at lunchtime. "I was not a baby, you just surprised me," she retorted. But she raised her hand to rest on the side of his face in a motion of permission. The hand slide around to the back of his neck when he lowered his head to kiss her, twisting his hair through her fingers, idly thinking that it had grown in the last month. She scraped her nails against the back of his neck, and he murmured at the touch. Well, there was nothing wrong with making the most of a situation that couldn't be avoided, was there?

He placed his hand on her side, between her ribcage and hip, then across her stomach. He longed to move his hand under her top but doubted he could convinced her that it was all for show – it wasn't like anyone could see him moving his hand up her shirt…

… She felt oddly disappointed that he didn't try to put his hand inside her shirt. She remembered how good his hands had felt on the bare skin of her stomach… her thighs… her breasts… _stop it_, she ordered herself, although it was hard when Jack's body weight was pushing against hers, his weight perfectly balanced on his knees so he could apply just the right pressure without crushing her, their legs entangled, his mouth running across her face and neck… "Jack," she whispered, entirely sincere. This wasn't acting anymore…

…Jack knew he was going to have to stop in a few seconds or embarrass them both with his obvious desire, but he was reluctant to pull away. He couldn't remember making out with someone feeling this good – well, maybe it had with Deanna, but that had been so long again, and besides, the memory of time spent with her had long since been tainted by the knowledge she may have faked every response to his touch to get him hooked. But Gabrielle was too honest, too open to fake a response, even when they were meant to be faking affection, and he found himself hooked on the sensation…

…She ran her hands down his back, pulling his shirt out of his pants as she did, kind of disappointed to find out that he actually wore something under his scrubs. She ran her hands up his bare back, feeling again the scars that she had picked up on that first time they were together. "You said you'd tell me about these," she said.

"I believe that was contingent on us dating," he replied.

"What do you call this?"

"I call this pretending to date." He was reluctant to draw attention to the fact that what they were doing wasn't real, but better than then have to open up about his abusive childhood.

"Jack…" She said so many things in the way she said his name – sympathy for having endured that kind of treatment, anger at whoever thought it was OK to do something like that to someone, frustration that Jack was trying to hold her at arm's length while she was trying to understand what made him tick.

Well, at least the spell was broken, he thought as he stopped what he was doing and got off her. "Don't _Jack_ me," he said irritably. "It's none of your goddamn business."

"No need to be a jerk about it, Jack," she said. OK, so she'd hit on a nerve, he didn't like to snap at her.

"I'm sorry," he said contritely. "My childhood wasn't very happy and I don't like talking about it. My step-mother – she didn't like me much."

"Jack, I don't like one of my temps very much. I'm not about to hit her over it."

Jack grinned wryly. "Well, you're not a bitter hag who'd rather take the frustration of her husband's infidelities out on his son rather than just, oh, I dunno, _leave_. And I don't think it helped that I was way smarter than her sons, both of whom were older then me… and I took every opportunity to remind her of that."

Gabrielle stifled the urge to laugh. Tragic as it was, it didn't surprise her that Jack would be stubbornly defiant in flaunting his intelligence to such a 'bitter old hag', no matter what the consequences. She reached out and cupped the side of his face, sliding her fingers down slowly, intimately. He closed his eyes, savouring the touch, and she wondered briefly how hard it had been to overcome to hardwiring that touch was associated with pain. Maybe that was way he slept around the way he did.

He squawked when his pager went on, and got pulled away from her pulling the piece of technology out of his pocket. He frowned when he saw the message. "I'm sorry, it's Mike, he needs me. It's just an appendectomy, it won't take long. If you stay, we can go straight to Cougars afterwards, if you'd like?"

She nodded, hating Mike for a second for interrupting such an intimate moment. "Sounds good," she said. He kissed her on the cheek and she watched him go, thinking about what a good body he had.

Shortly after, her phone went off and she got a text message from him saying the surgery was done and he'd be ready as soon as he'd showered and changed. She had a random thought that he had that sexy-surgeon thing going in his scrubs, then pretended she'd never thought it.

Picking up her basket – damn, but she was getting so used to having Jack help her get from place to place – she lugged it up to the surgeon's lounge, then frowned when she got there, because Bianca was there. _Damn, I should have waited for him in my office… or stayed where I was_, she thought. Well, she wasn't turning tail now. No way would she give Bianca that kind of satisfaction. Besides, how long could Jack take? He was a guy, and guys prided themselves on not needing long showers.

Bianca smiled with poisoned sweetness when she saw Gabrielle, taking in every inch of her appearance. Her clothing was crumpled, and ten bucks said there were twigs and leaves in her hair.. The stupid country hick had been letting Jack have her in the gardens. You'd think she would have learned by now. "Slaving away at the kitchen to bring your man lunch," she said in a politely sneering way that was her trademark. "And I thought you believed in equality."

Gabrielle refused to take the bait. "I am," she said. "Jack's done it for me before, so I'm just returning the favour. I know how hard he words, and it's so much more personal then just going out to dinner, don't you think?" _Take that, you spiteful cow, _she thought. She doubted Peter Frost had ever done something so personal for Bianca.

Bianca blanched underneath her immaculate makeup. "It won't last," she said loftily. "It never does. Men like Jack are so easily distracted."

Gabrielle made a show of pondering the statement as if it was a sincere philosophical one and not an exercise in bitchiness. "Not Jack, I don't think. I mean, forget all the stuff you hear about him – no-one who really knows him has a negative thing to say about him. I know he did a lot of playing around in uni but he has this honour code – if he takes the trouble to commit himself to something, he's committed. I think that's actually a weakness of his, when he takes it to the extreme, he's had his heart broken so many times."

"Oh, come on, you don't seriously believe that?" Bianca asked. "I thought even you had a bit more common sense." She had met naive country girls before, but Gabrielle really took the cake.

"Is there something you're trying to tell me, Bianca?" Gabrielle asked. She had the surgeon on the defensive. Bianca was determined to undermine Jack to his girlfriend, and it was infuriating her that it wasn't working. "Something you know and I don't?"

"Why would I trouble myself to learn anything about either of you?" she asked loftily, a sentiment lurking somewhere underneath that belied her loftiness. Gabrielle just smiled sweetly.

At that point, Jack came in. "Hey, babe," he greeted Gabrielle. He noticed Bianca, and ignored her. He'd already heard about how Gabrielle had more then held her own the last time she'd run into the hateful woman, so he wasn't going to bring give Bianca the satisfaction of acknowledging her existence if she wasn't bothering Gabrielle.

Gabrielle tilted her head so she was looking up at Jack, and he bent slightly so he could kiss her. He'd only intended it as a brush on the lips, the kind of quick, easy display of affection that no-one ever saw between Bianca and Peter, but without warning, Gabrielle's hands were at the back of his head, pulling him down, pushing her tongue into his mouth, kissing him hard.

It was a surprise, but a pleasant one, and he kissed her back. He figured it had something to do with Bianca, but if it meant he got a passionate kiss of her instigation, well, he wouldn't care if she was doing it to piss an ex-boyfriend off. "That was nice," he said breathlessly when it was over. "What prompted it?"

"Just reminded of how sweet you are," she whispered, shooting a lot out of the corner of her eye at Bianca. The kiss had actually _gotten_ to her, Gabrielle realised, pleased. The only question was, _why_?

... "I was thinking I might stay the night," Jack suggested as they walked arm-in-arm towards the carpark. "Might take you up on the DVD offer if it's still good, and anyway, Dan is curious as to how come we never spend the night together. I think it was just a hint to get me out of the house so he can have it to himself and Ricki, but if I crash at yours we don't need to explain why we're in separate rooms."

"Sounds good," she agreed. "What kind of stuff are you interested in?" So strange that they had slept together, had shared passionate kisses and a make-out session, had the world believing they were together, but didn't know simple things like each other's DVD tastes.

Jack laughed ruefully. "Uh, you choose," he said. "I have somewhat eclectic tastes."

She laughed herself. "My ex-boyfriend believed the only movies worth watching were action and porn. Eclectic sounds interesting."

Strange how the thought of her having an ex-boyfriend made him jealous. After all, he'd known she hadn't been a virgin and it would have been unusual for an attractive woman in her mid-twenties to _not_ have some kind of romantic history, but still... "OK, there's this series called _Carnivale_. Have you heard of David Lynch?" She shook her head. "OK, David Lynch directs these trippy horror-fantasy movies, mostly set in Hollywood – imagine watching _Dallas_ on acid. Anyway, that's not really relevant, I'm just showing off my movie knowledge. Carnivale is a little like something Lynch would have directed, all these trippy characters and weird abilities and circumstances – it's totally insane and totally addictive if you can get into it. I've watched it twice already."

"Sounds more interesting then watching Bruce Willis again," she said.

"Alright then. I'll come over around eight."

"Jack, you totally need to go to bed. You've had far too much to drink."

Jack giggled. "You've had just as much," he pointed out. Gabrielle had excellent taste in wine, and besides, he was used to beer and dark spirits, not wine. It had gone down so easily when he'd been having a great time with Gabrielle, routinely hitting the pause button when one of them said something that led to a conversation, and it had definitely gone to his head – both the alcohol and the closeness.

"Yeah, but my ex was a borderline alcoholic. I soon learned to keep up and keep my faculties together or we'd end up in a ditch somewhere."

Jack made a face. "This ex of yours sounds like a jerk."

Gabrielle chose to ignore that. "Do you need help getting into bed?" she asked.

Jack poked his tongue out, then had a flash of inspiration. "I'm not so drunk that I need the help of someone with a bum ankle," he said. He made it to the spare room with a fair bit of concentration but little stumbling. He reached for his overnight bag and got out his pyjamas.

"You right with that?" she asked with a smirk when she saw him struggle with the top button of his shirt.

"Fine," he grunted, looking suitably embarrassed that a little plastic button should cause him so much trouble.

"Jack, let me." He certainly wouldn't be the first man she'd put to bed drunk... although he was definitely one of the best-looking. And he looked adorable, the way he was embarrassed about needing help getting out of his shirt. If she'd known he was putting the whole thing on to get her to undress him, she would have been furious.

Jack dropped his head to look like he couldn't hold it up, but it gave him an excuse to close his eyes and hide the smile of enjoyment on his face as her fingers worked down his chest, unbuttoning his shirt with ease that belied the fact she'd had as much to drink as he had – and that she was working backwards.

He looked like he could barely hold his head up, let alone his body, so she kept going and slipped his pyjama top over his badly-co-ordinated body. "What is this, silk?" she asked, feeling the luxurious material.

Jack shrugged. "We never had much at home," he said defensively. Which she interpreted as never enough for _him_, since Stella controlled the purse strings. For the second time that day, she wondered what kind of miserable childhood he'd had.

"Do you need help with your pants?" she asked teasingly when she'd finished 'helping' him with his shirt. Jack looked into her smiling eyes and decided not to push his luck. "I can manage," he mumbled.

"Then I'll say goodnight," she said. She let herself out, smiling as she went. She bet Jack would be feeling very embarrassed tomorrow, and that was kind of endearing. She had met too many men in her life who thought it was their right to get fall-down drunk and have a woman – daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife – put them to bed with no complaints.

She waited half an hour then checked on Jack. He was sound asleep. She smiled to herself. So far, so good. She hadn't drunk as much as he had – the idea was to get him drunk enough that once in bed, he'd be dead to the world.

His laptop was by the couch they'd been sitting on. She got it out, switched it on ,and guessed at the password. She grinned when she got it first time. Jack was a very smart man, but even the smartest of men could be dumb when it came to sentimentality – she bet even Albert Einstein would have used his sister's name, had they had laptops in his day.

She found what she was looking for with surprising ease, it was a simple hidden file, attached to his contact list. But then, his laptop was usually on him, in his locker or at home, and not even Dan, gossip as he was, would dare incur Jack's wrath by snooping through his laptop. This made Gabrielle feel a little guilty. If Jack knew what she was doing – but then, if she found the information she was looking for, Jack would be too grateful to care, and if she didn't, he need never know.

There was a second password, and she knew this one wouldn't be _Rebecca_ – there was something vaguely incestuous about using it, given what she suspected the content was – and she thought for a second about what Jack's greatest tangible achieve so far was, and typed in _surgeon_. _You're so predictable_, she thought with a grin.

Like many surgeons, Jack was as highly meticulous in recording his personal life as he was recording his surgeries. And not terribly inventive in his recording, either. _Really, Jack, if this fell into the wrong hands it would just be a case of print and photocopy_, she thought. _Good thing it felt into the right hands_. She scrolled through the second contact list, some names surprising her, some not – some omissions surprising her.

She had to go a fair way back to find what she was looking for, but she'd expected that. And she smiled when she found it, It was far better then she had expected, far better than she had hoped for. _Payback's a bitch_, she thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay - the family computer crashed, taking the ball scene with it, and I had to rewrite it on my dad's computer. Couldn't get it beta'd, so I apologise for any typos and I hope you enjoy.**

"This is so boring," Jack grumbled. He hated these formal surgical things and didn't know why he had let Gabrielle and Mike between them to get him to come to the annual New South Wales Surgeons ball.

"You should be schmoozing," Gabrielle pointed out.

"In case you hadn't noticed, we're not exactly the most popular people within the surgical community," Jack pointed out. Being such a boy's club, people said on the one hand what an asshole Parker had been and on the other that it was such a shame that a nurse who probably had just changed her mind should bring him down, and that said nurse must have Jack Quade's balls in a fist to have him backing her like this.

Gabrielle tilted her head so she could smile at him. "Le's just say I'm enjoying being the surgeon's girlfriend," she said. And she did look like she was having fun. That, or she just looked plain gorgeous. She was wearing an emerald green taffeta dress that clinched at the waist and flared out with thick straps that dipped to reveal just enough cleavage to be sexy without being slutty. With his arm draped casually around her shoulder, he couldn't stop thinking about how sexy she was.

And Gabrielle knew it. She had been keeping an eye on Bianca all night and she knew the older surgeon was paying particular attention to her. The woman was completely out of her comfort zone, and both of them knew it. Apart from her husband, Peter, and Jarred Perkins, and intern who had the hots for her, Bianca had no allies at the table. There was Vincent, who had brought Charlotte, and Mike, who had brought Cate, who'd had her own experiences with Bianca. And neither Peter nor Jarred could help her here. Bianca was on her own. Gabrielle just needed an opening.

It came eventually. Bianca being Bianca, she couldn't help brag about her various accomplishments, including studying medicine at the Australian University of Medicine, Engineering and Law. "You went to AUMEL," Gabrielle said in sincere-sounding faked delight. "I thought I saw you name in Jack's contact book."

"Huh?" Bianca asked.

" I was going through Jack's contact book, looking for his sister's number, and I came across you. You're maiden name's Miller, isn't it?" Bianca nodded curtly. "You and your brother. I figured you met each other through him."

Bianca frowned. "I don't have a brother, I'm an only child," she said.

Figures, she thought. Bianca was certainly entitled enough to be an only child. "Oh, sorry. Must have been another Bianca and Cameron Miller." She spoke this with such sincere ignorance that no-one thought for a second that she knew exactly what she was doing.

Jack tensed up. He had never given Gabrielle permission to go through his contact list; he'd never given her permission to touch his laptop. And his laptop was the only place he had Cameron's details on. On a hidden file, too,

There was silence at the table. Only Gabrielle could have gotten away with that kind of ignorance about the Australian medical community. Finally, Mike said, "Gabrielle, Cameron Miller is one of the greatest surgeons this country has ever seen. And he is a she."

Vincent grinned, tweaking a few seconds behind Mike. "Jack, how do you know Cameron Miller?"

"Went to uni with her," Jack said vaguely.

Vincent's grin widened. He had Jack on the spot and enjoyed making him squirm. "You did not, she has a good ten years on you."

"Eight!" Jack said indignantly. "And I guess... she was more of a mentor."

He had hoped this would satisfy Vincent, but it made him more intrigued. His mind started ticking over, remembering something deliciously scandalous."That was you," he said "Jesus, Jack, how did you keep your name out of the papers?"

"I was only seventeen, and Cam made a big deal about exploiting a minor," Jack admitted.

"I believe that you were a minor was part of the problem," Vincent said.

Jack scowled. "Last I checked, seventeen was perfectly legal."

"OK, I'm really not following," Charlotte said.

"Char, don't you remember that big sandal with Cameron Miller? She got busted sleeping with her under-eighteen protégé. Wow, Jack, no wonder you didn't take to me. If my first mentor had been a gorgeous older women, I wouldn't like men much, either. But how did the papers find out?"

Jack scowled. "Her bitch cousin ratted."

"And what did you do to her?" Vincent asked.

"She used to brag about how she was as intelligent and sexy as Cam, I mean, everyone in her year was pissed off about it so they wanted to get someone to prove that she was full of shit... and that someone was me." He looked at Bianca. "Look, I'm sorry, you have the same name as her and Gabrielle's gone through my contact list and jumped to conclusions." He punched her gently on the arm. Exchanging insults with his sister was one thing; going through his computer and jumping o conclusions was entirely another.

"How do you know?" Cate asked, because she had been on the receiving end of Bianca's ego and temper too many times that she wanted to see the woman get her comeuppance.

"Because I've been escorting Cam to Miller family events for the last ten years and I've never seen Bianca at them," Jack explained, He saw the way Bianca blanched and his brain started ticking over. "Unless... Cam was so pissed off that you ratted on her that she made the family choose between her and you... and they chose her." He broke into a grin when he realised he had hit a nerve. This was the same Bianca Miller who had ratted on him and Cameron because she couldn't stand the fact that Jack found Cameron more scintillating. "Wow, how does it feel that I'm welcome at your family birthdays and you're not?"

Bianca laughed hollowly. "You're full of shit, Jack. You always were. Whoever this other Bianca Miler is, it's not me."

Without saying a word, Jack got his phone out of his pocket and speed-dialled a number. "Hey, Cam," he said in a casual way that was common of old friends. "I don't suppose you know the name of the man that cousin of yours married... yeah, don't ask me how I found out, just tell me the name... yeah... uh-huh... yeah, that makes a whole heap of sense, thanks. Yeah, drinks sounds great, I haven't seen you in what, a month? OK, bye." He hung up and stared Bianca straight in the eye. "Cam says her cousin Bianca married a man named Peter Frost," he said. "Co-incidence, anyone?"

Bianca's expression completely changed. "You always were a jerk," she hissed.

"And you could have wrecked Cam's career because you couldn't appreciate that that she was far more fascinating and sexy then you will ever be."

"She slept with someone underage," Bianca said childishly.

"Because you were, what, twenty-five?" Jack asked. He knew she was more like thirty-two – twenty-two at the time – but after all the aggro she had put him and Gabrielle through, he had earned the right to have a dig at her. He heard Cate cough in an attempt not to laugh.

While Bianca smouldered, Gabrielle added, "What's the matter, Bianca? You spread your legs for someone and got nothing out of it?"

A this, Cate gave up all efforts to stop laughing and broke into a laughing fit she tried to fake as a coughing fit. "I'm sorry, I need to - " she said, struggling for words.

"Call Dan?" She offered. Cate nodded, choking back laughter. Gabrielle's reputation for being a mama-bear bitch when it came to the people she cared about had turned out to be true. Cate walked off, nearly doubled over with laughter.

"I think you've had too much to drink," Jack said, knowing that if he stayed for much longer, he was going to start laughing too. He should have known that Gabrielle, with her deceptively bright mind, would come up with and execute something like this. "I'll take you home."

"My God, that was so sexy," Charlotte remarked after Bianca and Peter had left.

"What, that mama-bear bitch thing she did?" Mike asked. Cate was still calling everyone in her phone book to tell what had happened. Bianca Frost's real reason for hating Jack was that he had slept with her once and found her completely unfavourable to her smarter, sexier cousin.

"I would give anything to be in their shoes right now," Charlotte said, a little bit wistfully.

"Huh? They just pissed of Jack's boss," Mike pointed out. "How is that sexy?" Although he had to admit, he'd found mousy little country girl Gabrielle humiliating Bianca thoroughly amusing.

"They have each other's backs. They gun for people who hurt the other. Look at the way Jack was with Parker, look at the way Gabs was with Bianca. They get each other and they will go after someone who threatens who they love. That's totally sexy to me," Charlotte said. Then she added, "Bet they're having the best sex."

* * *

"I swear if you let anyone know I found such bitchniness sexy... " Jack warned. He and Gabrielle had exchanged heated kisses on the car home and they were now in her house and he was kissing her frantically, running his hands boldly over her body – and she wasn't exactly discouraging him, the way she was pushing her body against his, her breasts crushed against his chest...

"She had it coming," Gabrielle whispered breathlessly, caught up in Jack's kisses. She didn't know why she was letting Jack do this, but it felt so right, the way he had kissed her against his car, the way his hands had run down the stiff material of her dress, the way he had kept his hand on her thigh the drive home, kissing her at traffic light stops. The buzz of humiliating Bianca had gone to her head even more than the champagne she'd drunk. She knew that right now Cate was calling everyone she could think of to tell them that Bianca's vendetta against Jack as because he'd slept with her once ten years ago and found her so talentless, both sexually and intellectually, that he'd never gone back. Well, wasn't that the pot calling the kettle black! Bianca Frost, who lorded over everyone her right to sleep with whoever she chose without consequence and her vastly superior intellect, gunning for someone for ten years over a one-night stand! Spewing because said one-nighter was far more interested in dating a decent human being then her... including said decent human being in hr vendetta, blinded with petty jealousy!

Well, no-one would take her seriously now. Bianca had been right about one thing; it was a boy's club, and the boy's club was currently rife with laughter that Miss Stuck-Up-Holier-Then-Though was nothing more than a petty, self-entitled teenager who couldn't take rejection. No amount of skill with a scalpel was going to change that.

Yes, it felt good to have brought her down. For a second Gabrielle almost felt sorry for her... then she remembered all the whispers, all the rumours, of Brad Parker and his cronies trying to rape her because Bianca had told the world that sleeping with Jack Quade made you nothing better then a slut who deserved whatever men choose to do with her... and she knew the surgeon deserved everything she got.

Besides, she had better things to do right now then think about Bianca Frost.

"... She may have deserved it, but it was still bitchy," Jack said, but he didn't sound the least bit put out. He knew he should be annoyed that she had gone through his computer without his permission, knew he should be annoyed that she had humiliated a colleague and superior... but all he felt was pleased that she had gone after someone who had gunned for him the way Bianca had. She had his back, and he liked that. He remembered how she had stood up to his sister. Gabrielle was not someone who took things lying down, and he found that trait insanely sexy. So sexy that he hadn't been able to help himself, kissing her hungrily before they'd even gotten into the car, unable to keep his hands off her. He wanted her badly. He couldn't get close enough to her, couldn't kiss her had or deep enough, felt like the only sustenance he'd ever need was the feel of her tongue in his mouth, her body pressed tightly against his – and she wasn't exactly pushing him away. It was like she had finally realised they were made for each other.

"I'll never do it again," Gabrielle murmured gleefully. She didn't protest when Jack grabbed her hips and hoisted her onto the table without breaking the trail of kisses he was running down her neck. This was way beyond the boundaries they had set – that she had set and insisted upon. But she couldn't say no to him, not when she was on such a high, not when she was feeling so sexy... She arched her neck and groaned in appreciation when he started kissing her there, not caring that he was going to leave marks. "Jack..." There had been other kisses, of course, and other men before Jack – although it was hard to cal them men when they were hardly in Jack's league, either in intellect or experience – but nothing that compared to this, this heat, this longing. Not even their first frantic tryst compared.

This is it, he thought. He'd finally broken down her barriers and gotten her to trust him. About bloody time. Although it hadn't been al that long – only a few weeks. But a few weeks felt so much longer when you spent so much time in close proximity to someone without being able to cross that line. He placed his hands just above her knees and pushed up the material of her dress so the hemline came to above her knees. She was only too happy to wrap her legs around his waist and let him pull down the zip on the back of the dress, letting it fall slightly, enough to reveal even more cleavage, which he thought was wasted hidden in a bra. But there would be plenty of time for that. He kissed what expanse of swelling breast he could access emerging from the confining garment, and she responded by running her fingers through his hair, pushing herself against him, moaning when he cupped one breast with his hand, feeling it through the material when e ran his fingers over her nipple. "Jack," she cried his name again. God, he loved the sound of his name on her lips.

He loved the way she ran her hands down his back, under his shirt, her hands against his bare skin, up and down it a way that felt like the most erotic thing ever. He thrust his crotch against her thigh so she knew exactly the state he was in, and she didn't stop with the stroking – in fact, she gyrated against him. He couldn't remember wanting anyone so badly – not Cameron, not Terri, certainly not some nothing like Bianca. It had been too long a period of restraint, and now he could no more switch off his wants any more than he could have damned a flood. And that's what he was feeling like, a dam that had burst and a flood that now needed to run its course. He reached behind him and grabbed one of her hands, bringing it around between their entwined bodies – quite an impressive thing to do, given neither of them wanted to be separated from the other – and down to his crotch where his erection was pressing against his pants so badly that it hurt. "I want to fucking devour you," he grunted, because stringing together a polite sentence in a normal tone was way beyond his mental capacity right now; it wasn't like there was a whole heap of blood circulating his brain.

I want to fucking devour you. In that instant, Gabrielle was reminded that although Jack had been nothing but gentlemanly these last few weeks, he was still a man, with a man's desires. That list, that detailed list of his conquests – names, dates, even ratings – was so long, with so few women lasting longer then a fling... and the only two that had last more then two month being a legend within her own ward and a legend within the medical community. Even she had hard of Cameron Miller, despite her feigned ignorance, and people still talked about Terri Sullivan. What did she have that stood her out from all those other women who Jack had grown bored of quickly enough, what did she have that made her think he cared about her the way he did them?

He had fucked Bianca Frost for an evening's amusement then forgotten about her the next day, not even remembering her as the woman who had wreaked havoc on someone he cared about. He had bedded her and discarded her after he was done. Gabrielle knew Bianca's hatred of him was all out of proportion with events, but she could actually empathise with someone being humped and dumped. And she bet Bianca wasn't even the only woman Jack had done it to.

He wanted her now, Gabrielle didn't doubt that. And he'd want her tomorrow, and maybe for a little while longer. But what happened when he tired of her? What happened when she had committed her body and heart to him and he grew bored of her? He didn't have a great track record for commitment – in fact, the only women he'd bedded that he still kept in touch with were one of the most scintillating women in the industry and an honest-to-goodness nun. Who was she that she thought she could hold a candle to that? Who was she that she could keep Jack interested for more than a few weeks, more than the time it took for him to decide he had done his duty as her protector? Who was she that she could stop herself from being used, discarded and broken-hearted, like Bianca and God knew how many other women?

"Jack, stop," Gabrielle ordered weakly, because that thing Jack was doing with his hands on her breasts was difficult to refuse. Jack didn't stop, either because he didn't hear her or he didn't take her seriously. Because what woman seriously wanted Jack to stop in the middle of what had to be a much-practiced seduction? The man certainly couldn't be faulted on his bedroom skills. "Jack, stop," she repeated, more forcefully. She wedged her hands between their bodied and pushed him away.

Jack took a step back, breathing heavily. He'd never been so horny in his life, and she was having second thoughts, why couldn't she have voiced them a minute ago? "OK," he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand because if he kept tasting her on his mouth, he wouldn't be able to stop from kissing her again – and groping her – and finishing what he'd started with her dress... "We can take things slow if that's what you need."If one thing had made him love Cameron above all else, it was that she'd seen that, despite his willingness to learn, he was skittish about intimacy. For a twenty-five-year-old woman of considerable experience, that must have been frustrating, and he vowed he was going to give Gabrielle that same space and time, if she needed it.

"No, Jack. I mean... I don't want to do this."

Jack frowned, not knowing what Gabrielle was getting it. Less then a minute ago, they had been making out, and she'd been quite happy to have her dress practically around her waist and his erection against her thigh, and now she didn't want to do it? "I don't get it," he blurted out, with all the savvy of a horny sixteen-year-old being old no.

"What's not to get, Jack? I don't want to do this," Gabrielle said.

He was the horniest he'd ever been for years, and she suddenly didn't want it? What kind of screwy logic was that? "A minute ago you were crying my name and letting me fondle you. What changed?" It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if she was suffering from a case of buyer's remorse. It was part of the reason he'd drifted into dating older women – well, that and the fact he'd skipped several grades and had always been younger than most of the people he hung out with – because at least if older women wanted to get laid, they didn't change their minds at the most inopportune of moments.

Gabrielle looked away, but not soon enough for Jack to catch the guilty look on her face. So she knew she had let him get worked up – and she stopped it anyway. She'd stopped it despite clearly wanting it too. "What is it?" he asked, trying to be patient.

After a long pause she blurted out, "Jack, do you even remember the night you spent with Bianca?"

"Of course I do. How could I forget someone that caused me and Cam so much aggro?"

Cam and I, Gabrielle corrected in her head. She'd noticed Jack reverted more to the working-class grammar he'd grown up with when he was agitated. "Well, would you have remembered if she hadn't caused you al that aggro? Do you remember all those women on that list?"

Jack scowled. He wished he'd never written that list. It had been some dumb thing he'd started when he'd gotten to uni and fallen n with men several years older than him who liked to brag about their conquests. "That's not fair, you shouldn't have been poking around my private business anyway," he said, knowing he was partly in the right, and that she was also partly in the right.

"You're right, Jack, I shouldn't have been, but since I did... how the hell am I supposed to feel that there've been so many women and, what, two that you were seeing for more than two months? Those same two being the only ones you still have any contact with? Jack, you didn't recognise Bianca, that's how little she meant to you. I don't blame you for what a cow she's been over it, that's just her being a bitch, but Jesus... would you recognise someone you slept with a year ago? Would you care? Would you care about me a year from now?"

"Of course I would!"

"And how am I supposed to believe that, Jack? How do I know you don't just care because you don't want to e responsible for whatever might happen to me. You have to admit, you don't have a very good track record."

He couldn't deny the truth of that. But godamnit, he'd had a reason. How long had it taken him to accept that he wasn't gay, no matter what Patrick had said? How many women had he needed before he felt like he was one-hundred percent straight? He could remember every woman he'd slept with since starting at All Saints – and it was far fewer than people thought, something Gabrielle must have known, since she'd accessed his list of conquests. He had changed, he had. "I know I don't have a very good track record, Gabs," he admitted. "But I was just a kid. I was sixteen when I started uni, and free from dad and Stella's influence – I did a lot of running amok, I'll admit that. But I've changed."

"What's changed, Jack?" Gabrielle pressed. "Sleeping with someone to prove a point, that's low. It's gotta be something pretty impressive for me to believe there's not some part of you who still thinks that's OK."

What's changed is that I've long since realised that using women sexually puts me in the same category as men like Patrick Wesley, just not quite as heinous, he wanted to say. What's changed is that it took me long enough to learn who I am and what I want out of life that I'm not about to jeopardise that for a conquest, not when I can have someone I really care about. What's changed is that I've met someone who went through the same sexual abuse that I did except he can't stand to be touched and it made me realise how lucky I am that I can have that intimacy with someone and damned if I'm going to risk that for someone I don't care about. But he couldn't make himself say the words. He couldn't admit to Gabrielle what he had gone through, what Patrick had one to him, how he had doubted himself, how he had used all those women to prove o himself that he wasn't gay, that he had never encouraged Patrick's attention, the way Patrick had said he was while he was raping him or coercing him into a blowjob – Jack shut his eyes, remembering, always remembering. "I've changed," he said stubbornly.

"Not good enough," she said, just as stubbornly.

He sapped, more under the memories of what Patrick had done to him then his frustration with Gabrielle's refusal to give into what was obvious red-hot chemistry. "You know what's not good enough?" he spat. "That you're a pricktease."

She went white. She had been called that before, she had plenty of experience with country boys who always wanted more, but coming from Jack it seemed so... vulgar. She went to say something, but he cut her off. "You didn't want to sleep with me, that's fine. But only a pricktease rubs herself against my crotch before telling me no."

"Jack, I – "

He raised his hand tiredly in a stop motion. "I really don't care," he said. He'd thought everything was going so well, he had this spirited young woman who went into bat with him and then they'd been making out like nobody's business and then she just pulled way and said no. "I need to get out of here," he said, digging in his pocket for his keys.

She didn't want him to go like this. It was on the tip of her tongue to take it all back, to kiss him and let their chemistry go its natural course... But instead she asked "Where are you going?"

"Kings Cross," he said crassly as he walked away. Gabrielle blanched. Even she had hear of the notorious suburb.

"Jack, I don't – " she called after him, but he was already gone. The sound of the door slamming behind him echoed in her heart and she was suddenly very regretful of how things had worked out. Jack didn't owe her anything, she knew. If he wanted to get laid, he was entitled to. But still, the thought made her sick with jealousy. She didn't want him to be with anyone else, she realised. It wasn't fair of her to expect him to be faithful to her while he wasn't really with her, but at the same time, the thought of him being with anyone else – fumbling with her dress, she slid off the table and collapsed onto the couch, feeling very alone in the world.

* * *

Jack had lied about going to Kings Cross to get a rise out of Gabrielle; he hadn't meant it, but had been disappointed that she hadn't reacted to it Didn't she care if he as with someone else, let alone that he cared so little about who he slept with that he'd go to a prostitute? The idea made him shudder with revulsion, but it still hurt that she hadn't cared.

He got into his car and had to stop after turning the corner so he could get a hold of his emotions before he ran his car into a tree from sheer anger and distraction. It hurt more than he could comprehend that she didn't want him... no, not that she didn't want him, that she didn't trust him. He had gone out of his way to do the right thing by her, and she didn't trust him.

"Fuck," he said through clenched teeth, and forming a fist with his right hand, hit it against the steering wheel. OK, deep breaths, he said to himself. He forced himself to breathe deeply until his emotions were something resembling calm. Then he started to think. He couldn't go home yet. He needed to go somewhere and calm down and concoct a reason for him being home so early. Dan was sure to expect him to spend the night with Gabrielle – in fact, he was probably still on the phone with Cate right now. No, he needed to go somewhere and calm down and think.

Rather than go home, he detoured to the pub close to the house he shared with Dan – they had often gone there to wind down in the days before his Hep C when neither felt like the social event that was always drinks with the crew at Cougars. It was cosy and within walking distance when they were too dunk to drive home. Smiling, he killed the engine and walked into the pub...

... He frowned when he spotted her. Of all the pubs in all the world... he paraphrased the famous like from Casablanca. He decided it wasn't worth the hassle, and turned to leave...

... Too late. Bianca had already spotted him. Although what she was doing in this part of town, he didn't know. He'd gleaned from Dan that Bianca and Peter lived in a posh place right on the river, which was miles from where he and Dan lived. It crossed Jack's mind that she had come here because it had been somewhere she and Dan had gone – part of him was a little sore that Dan had shared a place that the two of them had killed so many nights mucking around as mates, and part of him felt sorry for Bianca. Ten bucks said Peter had wanted nothing to do with her after Gabrielle – well, OK, he admitted to himself, he and Gabrielle both – had humiliated her, and she had no-one to turn to so the place she had shared with someone who had once been infatuated with her seemed like a good idea...

"You!" Bianca spat, jumping to her feet and lurching towards him unsteadily. "You ruined my fucking life!"

"A bit of hyperbole, isn't it, Bianca?" he asked coolly. He might feel pity with her, but damned if he was putting up with her drunken antics. Screw this. He was going home and Dan could whistle for an explanation.

Her dark eyes glittered with fury – and rejection. "Your bitch of a girlfriend humiliated me," she hissed.

"You've got to be kidding me," he said. Bianca had always had a knack of twisting a situation around so she was the victim, not the villain in the story – like the time she had made herself out to be the one taken advantage of in their one-night stand, despite him being a minor and her several years older than him, and her gloating about how experienced she was, or the time he had walked in on her wearing next to nothing doing yoga in the common room and had accused him of having a perve – but this was beyond the pale. "Excuse me? What, you've forgotten how you gossiped abut her to a point your lapdog felt he was entitled to rape her?" He knew he shouldn't be wasting his breath, but seriously, Bianca was beyond delusional. He wondered if bitterness had eaten into the part of the brain that spoke common sense.

"No-one ever needed to take the trouble to rape that slut," she said loftily, and it was obvious it was a sentiment she had repeated several times, because she said it without slurring her words, like she had them memorised.

"Sounds like someone I know," Jack couldn't resist saying.

Bianca's eyes glittered even more darkly, and she threw her drink in his face. Great, he thought. Now he reeked of vodka. He hoped he wouldn't pass a booze bus on his way home; even stone-cold sober, he would be put through the ringer. "You bastard," she screamed, and went to hit him, except she was far too unsteady on her feet and she stumbled badly. She would have fallen on her face if Jack hadn't caught her.

For a few seconds, he was in two minds. Bianca had done nothing to deserve his help – she had done exactly the opposite. She had carried a grudge against a stupid one-night stand for ten years, blocking him from whatever surgeries she could, then going after the woman she thought was his girlfriend because she was so bitter about being passed over. She shared the blame in Parker's attempted rape of Gabrielle. No, Jack owed her nothing, and he would quite happily leave her to rot in her bad karma. But he knew what it was like to deal with unwanted sexual advances, knew that if he left a very drunk Bianca here then someone less noble then him would take advantage of the situation, knew that wasn't the kind of karma he could leave someone to, even if she did deserve it "I'm taking you home," he said resignedly.

"Fuck you," she screamed loud enough to bring the head barman over. While he had initially been struck by Bianca's beauty, it hadn't taken him long to get sick of the woman's rude, condescending behaviours, and he had been reluctant to get involved when she had gotten into a slanging match with a man she obviously disliked. But unlike Jack, he actually had a duty of care towards his customers and he had to make sure things were on the level.

Jack grabbed her bag off her; Bianca was far too uncoordinated to stop him. "I'll take you home, or I'll call Peter and stay with you until he picks you up," he sad. The look on Bianca's face said it all. Peter was off somewhere, probably taking out the vicarious humiliation of Gabrielle's planning on one of the various women he saw. "And if I can't get hold of Peter, I'll call Mike," he added. That wiped whatever smugness was still on her face. It was bad enough that her husband pick her up in this state; worse that her boss did.

"Is there a problem?" the barman asked Jack, because Bianca was far too drunk to be worth addressing, and besides, she was a rude bitch and he would much rather deal with Jack, who he knew by sight, although he and his friend hadn't been in here with several weeks.

Jack fished Bianca's hospital pass out of her handbag. "I work with her," he explained. "I'll take her home. Here, you can call our boss if you want."He fished his own hospital pass out of his pocket as well as Mike's card out of his wallet.

The barman looked over the two hospital passes and card, gleefully noting that this cow was older then she said she was. It was a no-brainer, really. He could be stuck with this rude woman until it was time to call the police, or he could palm her off onto someone who looked willing, if not exactly happy about it, take her home. And he could even salve his conscience by phoning this Vlasek man to make sure Bianca had actually gotten home safely. "She's all yours," the barman said, and Jack detected a note of relief in his voice.

"... Get your hands off me" Bianca snapped at him when he held her arm to keep her steady.

"Walk two meters without falling on your face," Jack suggested. Bianca attempted it, and stumbled after four meters. Jack raced to catch her. He cringed to feel he weight in his arms. She felt totally different to Gabrielle, different weight, different smell, different angles...

He got Bianca into his car and strapped her in. He only vaguely remembered their night together – she had been selfish, or maybe just inexperienced, expecting him to do all the work, which he'd resented at the time because she was older than him and he'd pursued older women for their experience but now... he shrugged off the thought. It really didn't matter anymore... at least not to him. But it mattered to Bianca. He wondered what it was like to be bitter about something so petty. But then, he'd had much worse things to worry about as far as sexual users went.

They drove in silence; Jack couldn't be bothered putting the stereo on. Besides, he was too busy thinking about Gabrielle too really tink about Bianca. Finally, Bianca said, "What was it about her?"

"Huh?" Jack asked.

"What was about her... that you didn't just fuck and run?"

He didn't like where she was leading this conversation, but he took the bait. "Do you mean Cam or Gabby?"

"Both."

"How is the answer going to make you any happier?" Jack asked. He suddenly realised that in her asking the question, just how unhappy she was. All she had was a husband that cheated on her and, talented surgeon that she was, no colleague that liked her as a person.

"Just tell me," she spat.

"OK, you want to know? Cam is the most fascinating person I've ever met – smart, insightful, sexy. And Gabby has this thing – compassion and human decency, I guess. She understands her staff... I've dated two of her predecessors and none of them knew how to handle the staff or Frank the way she was."

"You love her," Bianca said flatly.

"Yeah," he admitted, entirely truthful.

Bianca started to cry and Jack felt the urge to pat her on the shoulder. She really was a pitiful sight. She had never really gotten past the petty vengeances of high school. He suddenly realised how much stronger he was then her... and rather than hating her, he was proud of himself.

"Peter's off with one of his whores," she spat. She started babbling about how Peter had insisted that he would never be happy in a monogamous relationship – she had gone along with it because she had thought he was a catch, being a high-priced lawyer and all that... and Jack felt even sorrier for her. She was so bitter...

He parked in front of her driveway. "You alright to get in the front door?" he asked, partly sarcastic, partly actually genuinely concerned that she might fall and break her neck while getting to the front door.

He was totally shocked when she leaned over and kissed him, expertly manoeuvring her hand so it was on his crotch. "Jack," she whispered, trying to sound like a twenty-two-year-old temptress when she actually sounded like a thirty-two-year-old try-hard.

He knew exactly what she wanted – or, rather, what she wanted to prove. She wanted to know that she could lure him away from Gabrielle, so she could prove to herself that he could be lured away from a dumpy country mouse in the same way she'd wanted to lure him from her smarter, sexier cousin. And maybe it was just that he was still horny from Gabrielle's touch, maybe Bianca had actually learned something in the last ten years, but he felt his dick springing to life again. What was that saying, a stiff prick has no conscience? For a few seconds, he thought about how a revenge fuck would feel – revenge against Gabrielle for leading him on, revenge against Bianca for all the trouble she had caused him. It wasn't like he was really with Gabrielle, he thought, and it wasn't like Bianca would tell anyone – her reputation was in shreds, it wouldn't look good for her to go around bragging that she'd had sex with him. No-one would ever know...

... Common decency kicked in. It had been one thing to go to bed with her when he'd been seventeen and full of himself but with no real malice towards her; it as entirely another to coldly screw her for the satisfaction of messing with her head; that would really give her reason to hate hi. He pushed her hand away. "I quite like not having syphilis, thanks," he said. "Plus, I won't do that to Gabrielle. Go home, Bianca, to whatever home you have. I'm sorry for what I did to you, but it was ten years ago and if you can hold a grudge for that long – I love Gabrielle and if you don't cut us some slack, I'll file a complaint that you came onto a subordinate."

"You shit," she hissed.

"Don't push me, Bianca," he replied. "I suggest you find anther hospital to work at – somewhere you're reputation isn't shreds."

"Go to hell, Jack," she spat, but Jack got the idea she was taking his ideas on board. As she walked towards her front door, he realised how little she had meant to him, how little so many of the women he'd bedded had meant to him. It only made him all the more aware of how strong his feelings for Gabrielle were, and how lonely he felt not being able to truly be with her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and sorry for any typos, I don't have my beta with me for the time being :(**

"Hey, I'm sorry about Saturday. I let things get out of hand," Jack said to Gabrielle when he next saw her Monday morning.

"It was my fault," she admitted. "You've made it clear what you want from me and I got carried away – too much champagne and getting the better of Bianca."

Now that his desire was long passed, Jack saw clearer – and felt awful for the things he had said. That Gabrielle was OK with it only made him feel worse. Better that she should rage at him then be all understanding. "I wasn't fair to call you – "

"Yeah, it was, Jack," she interrupted him. "I let you think something was going to happen when..." she trailed off, not knowing how best to put it. When I didn't want it was an outright lie. She could still feel the pressure of his hands and mouth on her body, the electrical thrill that had sent her into a tailspin – and let things get out of hand. And no intention of following through wasn't exactly right either, because she knew there had been a long moment when it had been all she could think about. She shrugged helplessly, at a loss for words. "I let you think something would happen," she repeated.

"Still friends?" he asked.

"Yep," she said, and he rewarded her with a relieved smile. "And, uh, since we're mates... d'you mind clarifying something a little birdie told me?" Jack cocked his head, wondering what gossip had been making the rounds. Naturally, the story of his one-nighter with Bianca, who had held a grudge for ten years and sought to undermine him and Gabrielle at every opportunity was the best piece of gossip since at least as far back as Jack's one-nighter with Charlotte resulting in her pregnancy. Bianca had made plenty of enemies in her rise to the top, people who we ready to believe anything that discredited her. "I heard you gave a very drunk Bianca a lift home on Saturday."

Jack's brow furrowed. "How'd you hear that?" he asked. He hadn't even told Dan, in fact, Dan hadn't even mentioned it, although he had spent most of the weekend with Erica – he hadn't even been home when Jack had gotten home – fortunately not getting stopped by a booze bus – on Saturday.

"I heard it from Ricki. I think Mike got a call from some barman and the story started from there. Oh, for the record, people keep expecting me to know, so I said you didn't send the night because I had a big day on Sunday, you ran into her and being as honourable as you are, you couldn't let even Bianca stew in her drunkenness."

"That's about the truth of it," Jack said, and hen Gabrielle looked at her quizzically, he explained what had happened.

"You're serious, she came onto you?" Gabrielle asked, before dissolving into laughter. Too good to be true! Coming onto someone else's boyfriend (that Jack wasn't her boyfriend was irrelevant; Bianca thought he was) – and not just any man, but a man she professed to hate when she'd been carrying a grudge for ten years over being a discarded conquest. Imagine her humiliation at being turned down flat – again. And, as far as Bianca knew, in favour someone she considered to be a mousy country girl. "She had it coming," Gabrielle said vehemently, thinking about Parker's vicious attack and the malicious slander campaign of Bianca's that had let to it.

Jack shrugged. "She did," he admitted. "But I still feel kind of sorry for her. The whole Miller family are these super-intelligent intellectuals – Bianca's not nearly as smart as most of them, and no matter how talented she is, she's not an intellectual. Imagine growing up with someone like Cam, no matter what you achieved, she did it several years before with much more flair. I don't think she was ever interested in me as a person then as something of Cam's that she wanted for herself, and she hated me for not being interested. She's bitter and lonely, I think – I see the way she and Peter are together, it's not a happy marriage – and I can't help but feel a little sorry for her because it must suck to be that lonely and bitter."

Gabrielle was stunned by Jack's capacity for empathy – so deep that she could actually understand what Jack was saying, and felt a spark of pity for the woman herself. Then she shrugged it off. "You didn't exactly have the greatest time growing up yourself, and I don't see you making life miserable for everyone you think slighted you." She laughed suddenly, thinking about the malicious delight Erica had taken in repeating the story of Jack and Bianca's one-nighter and her getting so drunk she had to be taken home by someone she purported to hate – while really suffering from a case of unrequited feelings and petty vindictiveness. Erica herself had often been on the receiving end of Bianca's vicious tongue, because Bianca thought the younger woman a poor replacement for her in Dan's bed – echoes of her feelings towards Gabrielle – and was giving it all back and then some. Her reputation was unsalvageable. "I don't think we'll be bothered by her again," she said gaily. "Ten bucks says she decides All Saints doesn't stimulate her enough anymore and finds a job at another hospital... maybe even another state. Let her wreak havoc in, say, Perth."

He threaded his fingers through hers and started walking her towards the ED. They were going to be the subject of gossip and questions for weeks to come, they may as well get to it. He did his best to focus on the fact that Bianca Frost was gone from his life and not think about how much more he wanted out of his relationship with Gabrielle.

* * *

"Caucasian male, mid-to-late forties, several deep stab wounds to the stomach and groin area," Bree recited as Patrick Wesley as brought into the ED in a bad state. Jack took one look at him and his heart sank. He knew exactly who was behind this; Travis. The younger man was dying, and Patrick's managing to get his trial date postponed again had infuriated him, who wanted to see Patrick in jail before he died. He was desperate enough to take matters into his own hands.

I have to do something, Jack thought. If Patrick died, Travis was up for murder, or at least manslaughter. He would die in prison. In warped logic, Jack decided that he had the greatest reason to see Patrick alive, and hustled Vincent off the case.

Dan was the only person, apart from Mike and Travis himself, who knew about Jack's connection to Patrick, and he raised his objections vehemently. "If he dies –"

"He's not going to die," Jack said stubbornly.

"If he dies and they find out about you and him, how do you think that's going to look? You could be struck of, you could go to jail."

"Well, nobody's going to find out, are they?" Jack asked, a malevolent undercurrent to his pleasant tone.

"Is something wrong here?"Zoe asked, overhearing the two men arguing over the patient's treatment. "Is there something I should know?" she looked directly at Jack. The man was hiding something and this was her ED, she wanted to get to the bottom of it.

Jack looked pointedly at Dan, the message in his eyes clear; don't say a word. "Nothing's wrong," Dan said, wishing he had the guts to call her friend on the immortality of what he was doing, even if it meant exposing Jack's dark history with Patrick to Zoe. But cowardice or not, he couldn't betray a mate's confidence like that – not when Jack had been through so much, betrayed by so many people, already. Instead, he scurried away to find Mike, not knowing the older surgeon already knew about Jack and Patrick but hoping he could do or say something that would make Mike take charge of the situation.

It didn't take long for Travis to show his face. Desperate man that he was, he either didn't realise or didn't care that the ED would be swarming with cops in case Travis decided to finish what he had started. Which wasn't his intention – he just needed to see Jack, the only person he felt truly comfortable around. In his agitated state, he didn't listen when the cop told him to calm down and put his hands up, and the cop had no choice but to shoot him.

Jack screamed when he saw Travis go down. The man was like a brother to him, the only person who understood was it was like to have grown up with Patrick's sick interest. He knew Travis was dying but it wasn't right that he should be deprived of whatever time he had left. Jack snarled at the cop and hoped he had nightmares for weeks to come. He knew he was being unreasonable, but who cared about reason when the only person who understood you was bleeding out on the floor? And Travis hadn't even been trying to finish the job he'd started, he'd just wanted to see Jack.

And to make matters worse, Dan had dobbed him into Mike. Well, not dobbed him in exactly, because he hadn't told Mike about Jack's connection to Patrick, but since Mike had already known, he had yanked Jack off the case without trying to ascertain what the problem was. "You're a bloody idiot, you know," Mike had told him. "You know if he died, I'd have a legal responsibility to tell the coroner what he did to you? Sounds like motive to me."

Jack had been sullen and unrepentant. "If he dies, then Travis goes to jail. I have to keep him alive. That's plenty motive."

There were times when Jack could be infuriating with his sense of loyalty, but Mike had to credit his motives. It was exactly something Jack would do – try to save the life of man who had ruined his childhood to save what was left of the life of a friend. But the coroner or medical wouldn't see it that way, so Mike had no choice to pull Jack off the case and assign Vincent in his place. And of course, Vincent was none too happy about whatever secrets about the patient he and Jack were keeping from him. "If it's something I need to know..." Vincent pushed, partly put out because he felt Mike was shutting him out professionally, and partly put out because ever since Vlasek had come back from wherever he'd been hiding, he and Jack had been super-pally, and Vincent found he actually missed being the younger surgeon's mentor, for all that he had a massive homophobic streak in him. In fact, he'd been feeling left out of a lot of the relationships that had once characterised his life- Charlotte's in particular. Maybe it was time to move on...

... Mike's pulling him of the case at least meant that Jack could spent time with Travis, pleading with the younger man to take the treatment he needed, both for the gunshot wound and his Wilsons. "No," Travis said stubbornly. "I won't let you do anything to me until I know that bastard is dead." Jack met Travis's eyes and saw a man who didn't care if he lived or died – so long as the man who had ruined his life died.

"Please," Jack begged. "For me."

"I asked you to come clean with Gabrielle for me," Travis reported. He had spotted the woman earlier; her uniform was different to the other nurses, and besides, she had an air of authority about her. So that was Gabrielle. Not as pretty as he'd thought she would be – Travis associated the name with something French and sexy – but she seemed to command the respect of her staff and have a good bedside manner – warm, compassionate. He was sure she would extend that compassion to Jack if she knew... an idea started forming in his head. "Go find out about him," Travis ordered. "The sooner I know he's dead, the sooner I'll let them touch me."

The sooner I get Frank have you committed against your will, Jack thought. But for that he'd have to admit to why Travis was being so stubborn, why Patrick's own condition was so clouding his judgement. Which meant admitting to how Jack came to know someone who was clearly completely out of his league professionally and intellectually, and several years younger to boot. And even if it meant forcing Travis into the treatment he needed, Jack couldn't expose himself like that.

"Fine," he agreed reluctantly, and went off to the surgical ward, where Mike as doing his best to save Patrick's life. But despite the impressive effort Jack had put in, Travis had really gone to town with a hunting knife. Despite the viciousness of the attack, Mike felt no sympathy for the man. He wondered what kind of person so thoughtlessly ruined lives like that – at least he'd had the excuse of being a morphine addict. "You don't get out of this so easily, you bastard," Mike swore, frightening Vincent with his vehemence – and hatred of a man who, far as Vincent knew, he had only met a few months ago after Patrick had been brought in following a boating accident. And Jack had been present at that surgery, too. Vincent wondered if the two were connected.

Jack watched Patrick's life slip away with mixed feeling. He was glad the man was dead, glad he had died in pain, although nowhere near the kind of pain he had inflicted on him, Travis and God knew who else. But now Patrick was dead, Travis would be up for manslaughter... or murder. Jack wondered how much time they could buy with Travis's deteriorating condition; if Patrick had been able to stall on the grounds tat having Jack operate on him –which he hadn't, he'd frozen in surgery and been thrown out of the OR, Mike had been willing to testify to that – then surely they'd cut Travis some slack because he was dying...

"I've lived with him in my head for fifteen years," Jack said when Mike joined him in the section that overlooked the now-finished surgery. "I don't know how to live without him."

"Make today the day you move on with your life," he said wisely. When he squeezed Jack's hand sympathetically, Jack didn't react, he was so lost in the memories and a future knowing Patrick Wesley could no longer hurt him or anyone else. But it was cold comfort with all the damage that had already been done, all the lives already ruined – and it wasn't over yet. Jack had no idea how many boys Patrick had forced himself onto over the years, but he knew the legacy of his attention would haunt them all forever.

"I have to go see how Travis is doing," Jack said tiredly. "Maybe knowing Patrick is dead will make him let us treat him."

* * *

"You know, I don't know what you're playing at, but the longer you leave this, the harder it will be for us to treat you," Zoe said irritably when Travis refused treatment yet again. She was tempted to get Frank to commit him, but knew stubbornness didn't count as limited capacity. "And I don't know what kind of hold you have on Jack –" at several years younger and nowhere close to Jack in intelligence or ambition, Zoe was completely at a loss as to why Jack would waste his time on this man – "but he'd going out of his way for you and you're spitting in his face.

"Jack knows what I want," Travis said stubbornly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gabrielle laughing with an ambo. Pretty blond – he'd seen her photo before, Travis had had few greater joys in his life then pouring through Jack's photo album and knowing at least one of Patrick's victims had gone on to have friends and be capable of intimacy and affection, both giving and receiving, and there was a photo of him and that ambo from what Jack said had been his twenty-sixth birthday. They had seemed close, affectionate. Travis would have given anything to have a mate like that. Or a girlfriend like Gabrielle. And Jack was being stubborn and refusing to do anything about it. "I want to speak to Gabrielle," he said."Then I'll let you treat me."

Zoe was immediately wary. Instinct told her Jack wouldn't approve of it, and the only reason Travis would want to speak to Gabrielle meant he was up to something with Jack. But if it meant Travis accepting treatment – Zoe decided that between pissing off a junior surgical registrar and a patient badly in need of treatment not getting it, she'd rather piss of Jack. She went to get Gabrielle. "Do you think we could trade patients?" she asked. "That guy seems to be a friend of Jack's and he wants to speak to you."

Gabrielle looked over to him. He looked like he was in his earlier twenties, a few years younger that Jack at least. She frowned, thinking. "What would Jack have to do with him?" she asked. "I don't mean to sound judgemental, but..."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. But Jack isn't here and the only way he'll accept treatment is to speak to you. So please..." Gabrielle nodded, and went over to Travis.

She flicked trough his chart, and was surprised to learn he was only twenty. Twenty! He certainly didn't look like the super-educated types Jack liked to be with, more the working class boy that Jack had once been... but Jack was seven years older. Travis had been nine when Jack had gone to uni., he certainly wouldn't have been someone he had grown up with. "I'm Gabrielle Jaeger," she said cautiously. "I hear you wanted to speak to me."

"Jack talks about you all the time," Travis said. "Including how he feels about you... even though you won't let him take things further."

Gabrielle eyed Travis suspiciously. She considered her and Jack to be close, he told her about his family, his childhood, his interests... but he had never mentioned this sickly-looking man who he had confided the truth of their bogus relationship in. They were that close, but he had never mentioned him – it didn't make sense. "If Jack's told you that, then you should respect the fact not to mention it here," she said shortly.

"You don't think much of me, do you?" Travis challenged. "You don't understand why Jack would spend time with someone like me." Gabrielle knew the look on her ace betrayed her thoughts, but what else was she supposed to think? Travis was way out of Jack's league in every sense of the word. "Did he ever tell you about Patrick Wesley?"

"The man you stabbed, you mean?" Gabrielle asked, and was shocked when she saw the look of satisfaction on Travis's face. Who was this man that he took satisfaction out of stabbing a man to death – and who was he to Jack that Jack condoned, if not outright supported, such actions? "No, he didn't."

"He's a paedophile," Travis proclaimed flatly. "Was a paedophile," he corrected with that same satisfied expression. "He targets – targeted – young boys and –"

"Yeah, I know what a paedophile is," Gabrielle cut him off. The guy was really creeping her out. Get to the point and stop wasting my time." But the truth was starting to dawn on her – and she felt sick to her stomach. No wonder Jack was so keen to prove his heterosexuality by flaunting it with every woman who caught is eye...

"He abused us," Travis declared. He felt a little bad for betraying Jack like this, especially when Gabrielle's eyes widened with horror and disgust. It was exactly what Jack had been afraid of, although not for the same reasons – he had been worried she would see him as less then something, when what she was actually disgusted with was that anyone could do that to a kid. And she didn't even know the details. "He used to talk to me about Jack, you know, like he was his favourite or something... before he got too old. Patrick liked them about thirteen... and liked them neglected by their family. My dad was never around, you know, my mum was always drunk, when she wasn't stoned... does Jack ever talk about his family?"

"Yes," Gabrielle said tightly, thinking about those ugly scars along his back. The result of a one-night stand between a married man and a barmaid, neglected by his father, resented by his stepmother... a child as unloved as Jack would have been the ideal prey for a charming paedophile who knew how to emotionally seduce a child who craved love and approval... Oh, God, poor Jack, she thought, numb with shock and horror that something so vicious had been done to him. "What happened?" she asked, not wanting to hear, but wanting to understand what Jack had been through...

"You're a nurse, imagine some of your worst cases," Travis spat, and Gabrielle flinched, because she had seen some pretty nasty cases, especially with young children who's bodies weren't made to be penetrated like that. And to have that happen to Jack – how many times? she wondered. Had it just been the one time, or had it been several? Over how long a period of time? Had he tried to tell his dad? Had he been met with disbelief, hit for making stuff up about a respectable member of the community, made to feel like he had no-one to turn to? Oh, baby, she thought, her heart going out to him.

"Zoe, why is Gabrielle with Travis?" Dan asked, spotting his boss talking to Jack's friend/fellow victim. He knew Jack wouldn't like it.

"He wouldn't accept treatment until he spoke to her," Zoe said. "Don't look at me like that. Jack might blow up at me over it, but he doesn't get a say in what happens in this ward, and I'd rather piss him off then lose a patient."

"What's this about me?" Jack asked. He'd come down to the ED as soon as he'd composed himself after witnessing the death of man who had caused him so much trauma in his life. He scanned the ward the way he always did, automatically processing what was going on and who in most urgently in need of a surgical consult – now that he could bring Travis news of Patrick's death and make him accept treatment, he was determined to get back to work.

Until his eyes rested on Travis talking to Gabrielle. He back was to him, but he could tell by her body language that she was tense. His mouth turned into a furious scowl. The little shit was telling her about Patrick and what he had done to them. And in the hospital, too, where so many of his colleagues were within earshot. Furious, Jack bounded over to the cubicle. "You asshole," he spat.

Gabrielle tried to pt a restraining arm on him. In his present state, he looked ready to strangle Travis and save the police the effort of arresting him – and of his Wilson's getting the last laugh. "Jack, please," she pleaded with him, tears in her eyes.

Jack threw off her arm. "Don't," he said when he saw the pity and horror in her eyes. "Just leave me the hell alone. And you," he said, focusing his anger on Travis, "this is how you repay me, after all I've gone through for you? I agree to testify for you, and you turn around and – go to hell. Don't ever talk to me again. Enjoy the rest of your life in jail because like hell am I helping you out again."

Jack stormed out, and Gabrielle went to go after him. "Don't," Dan said quietly. "Just... leave him be. He was skittish around me for weeks after I found out."

"You knew?" Gabrielle asked dumbly.

Dan shrugged sadly. "You can't really live with someone and not know something's up – even someone as secretive as Jack. Just let him calm down, OK? I'm sure he'll want to see you in a little while but right now I think he needs to be alone. Why don't you get back to work and go find him in an hour or so?" Gabrielle nodded, grateful to have someone who knew how to deal with such a horrible situation, and went back to the patient she'd been treating before Zoe had requested she deal with Travis.

Dan turned to Travis. "That was a lousy thing to do," he said.

"She deserved to know."

"No, he deserved to tell her, if he wanted to," Dan corrected. "Jack's absolutely right, after all he's done for you – he agreed to testify for you even though he didn't want to relive that, just so you could see him in jail before you died – what kind of friend repays a favour like that by blabbing secret like that?"

It was on the tip of Travis's tongue to tell Dan that Jack and Gabriele weren't really together, and that maybe they would get together f she understood what made him the man he was. But he clamped down on it. One betrayed confidence was enough for the day. "You wouldn't understand," he said sullenly, turning away from Dan, signalling that the conversation was over.

An hour later, Gabrielle found Jack, predictably, by the lake, sitting with his knees tucked up against his chest, arms wrapped around them, staring out at the water. "Please, leave me alone," he whispered hoarsely.

She sat down next to him and placed a hand on his arm. Thankfully, he didn't throw he off again. "I'm trying to understand, Jack," she said.

"He had no right to tell you."

"Maybe not." She moved closer to him so their sides were touching. He didn't try to move away, create space between him. Another good thing. "But he told me and I want to understand... I want to be there for you, if you'll let me."

"Don't be so fucking naive, Gabrielle," he spat. "No-one's ever been there for me."

She cuddled up against him. For someone who didn't want her, he wasn't doing much to push her away. "Well, now I'm here for you," she declared. "C'mon, Jack, this is me. I'm not judging you – I just want to be your friend." She ventured to put her hand on the side of his head opposite the side she was sitting on and gently brought it against her shoulder. It was all she needed to break through to him. It was like all the stubborn, proud energy that had been holding him together all these months drained from his body and he desperately needed someone else to be strong for him. "You can talk about it if you want," she said soothingly. "Or you can not talk. We can just... be."

Over the next hour, she sat with him and he talked disjointedly about what had happened to him; how Patrick had initially lured him into his trap with attention, admiring his scholastic abilities, sympathising over his neglectful father and abusive stepmother, finding him odd jobs to do, making him adore Patrick like the father he desperately wanted... until the day that 'father figure' raped him ad told his step-mother he'd stolen from him, giving Patrick the perfect opportunity to have Jack keep coming back – to work off his debt, Stella had said. "I certainly worked it off," Jack said bitterly. It was one of Patrick's games to coerce his victims into blow jobs as an 'alternative' toe being raped – some alternative. You want it, you did it of your own free will, didn't you, faggot...

He was crying in her arms now, crying for so much that had been lost, crying for the closure he'd thought he'd find on Patrick's death but didn't. She held him tightly because that was all she could do.

Finally, his tears subsided and he raised his head, meeting his tear-stained eyes with hers for a second before he kissed her. It was a needy, passionate kiss and she found herself lost in it. It wasn't just the force of Jack's need – it was the final – and tragic – understanding of what made Jack who he was. She couldn't fathom what it must be like to question your sexuality he way Jack did, to wonder if 'voluntarily' giving a blow job or being accused of flaunting your thirteen-year-old body in swimmers made you gay. No wonder he'd taken to proving himself with as many women as he could. She remembered how her ex Steve had cheated on her, made her wonder if she had been woman enough, sexy enough, god enough in bed to please him – that had screwed with her own sexual confidence enough, but she had never doubted that she was straight. Whereas Jack. My poor baby, my poor Jack, she said.

He broke away from the kiss and said shakily, "I swear to you there's been no-one since you – since ages before you. That crack about Kings Cross, I just said it to get a rise out of you. I need to be with you tonight. I won't ask anything of you in the morning... just give me tonight. Please," he begged.

How could she have said no to him, even if she'd wanted to? Now that she understood what made him tick – and she believed him, that there hadn't been anyone else in months, that he'd had no intention of substituting a prostitute for her – she wanted to be with him. She finally understood how much he had changed, the effort it had taken, how strong he was – and how much he cared about her, cared enough that here hadn't been anyone else... she would have given him anything he'd asked for there and then. She would have married him if he'd asked. It was enough to know he wanted her and only her.

"Of course," she said.

* * *

She was hardly a waif, she had always been slightly envious of women like Erica with their tall, statuesque figures, but Jack tossed her onto the bed with as much ease as if she were a ragdoll. A second later, he was on top of her, knees balanced on either side of her body, kissing her hungrily. She responded just as hungrily. He was pushing her into the mattress, pushing her head into the pillow, arching her neck at what would have been awkward angle, had she been in any state of mind to feel the discomfort. She ran her hands down his back, pulling frantically at his shirt, trying to get her hands between their bodies so she could undo the buttons... she tore at the top one in frustration. "Easy, tiger," he said. "I want to take my time with you. You've made me wait long enough," he reminded her gently. Obligingly, she stopped he efforts to get his shirt off and let him set the pace.

She was hungry for it. Now that she had decided to take things further with Jack, that dam that had been holding back her desire was broken and she was hungry for his touch, his kisses, to feel him against her, inside her... She shuddered when Jack pulled at the tie of her satin robe and brushed his fingers against her bare arms. "Beautiful," he murmured. She was wearing a dark-blue satin nightie underneath with black lace trim – she hadn't needed to go to such effort, but the luxurious material against her skin made her look that much more sensual.

He started trailing kisses along her face, down her neck, running his fingers along her arms, getting high on the feel of her, getting off on the way she was squirming and whimpering underneath him. "Jack," she moaned. "Kiss me," she commanded.

Jack raised his head to kiss her, mashing his mouth against hers, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, seeking out hers, pushing against hers, trying to get further inside her then was humanly possible. His body was tightly pressed against hers, his hands wandering her body with abandon, but it wasn't enough – he felt like he couldn't get enough of her. He yanked the silky material up around her waist and wedged his knee between her legs, an unspoken command to spread them. She wrapped her legs around him tight enough that if he'd been in the frame of mind to think about it, he would have worried around circulation. Not that the lower half of his body was lacking for blood.

Bucking up against him involuntarily, Gabrielle wedged her hand between their bodied and dragged it down to his crotch, conforming the erection she'd already felt against her thigh. She certainly wasn't going to tell him to stop tonight. She rubbed her hand against him provocatively, and was rewarded when it swelled even more and Jack groaned. "Sweetheart, slow down," he ordered her. "Or I'm going to make an ass of myself." He wasn't sure he would make it until he so much got his pants off, he was that tightly wound.

Gabrielle grinned. Having someone like Jack, who must have slept with so many more experienced women then her, was a trip. "What's your recovery time like?" she asked. She didn't take her hand off his crotch.

"An hour... less, maybe," he said with pride. He'd always been pleased with how quickly he could be ready to go again, although it could be frustrating when very few women could keep up with him. He wondered how much stamina Gabrielle had.

"Good." With surprising deftness, she wriggled so she was on top of him, unzipping his pants and pulling them down with his boxers in one swift movement. Jack started to say something, but Gabrielle cut him off. "You just lie back and enjoy yourself," she said in what se hoped was a seductive voice. She didn't pull it off too well, but Jack only found it all the more charming. "I can't have you falling short on me, can I?"

"No," he said with a grin. Christ, but she was something. He whimpered with pleasure when Gabrielle started kissing his erection, running her fingers gently down the inside of his thighs, cupping his balls, massaging them gently.. he released a drawn-out groan when, after what felt like forever, she took him in her mouth, slowly swallowing until she had him all the way in. Ohgodohgodohgod, he thought. He bucked against the mattress, gripping the headboard and then moving his hands to her shoulders, digging his nails into her exposed skin. She didn't make a sound in complaint – although her mouth was too full to do much. "Gab-eeee," he cried out as she started working him in earnest. "Oh, God." Some dim part of h brain was grateful she was doing this, because no way was he going to last more than a few minutes.

He lasted three, and climaxed with a scream as he came in her mouth. And she didn't pull away, either. He could never make someone swallow – he would never forget how disgusting it had been, at least for him – but that didn't mean he didn't love it when they did. And he didn't know if she just had a talent for giving blow-jobs or he was so strung-out that jerking off would have produced the same effect, but when it was over, he felt shaky all over. "I'm glad I'm already in bed," he said. His legs felt like rubber.

Gabriele scooted up to the top of the bed and gave Jack a chaste kiss on the cheek before going off to the bedroom, coming back after a few minutes smelling like Listerine. "I figured you didn't like the taste," she said shyly when he questioned her on it.

He kissed her deeply. "You're the best, you know that?" he told her. She squirmed under the obvious sincerity of his words. He continued to kiss her, and ran his hands up and down her body, pushing the straps down over her shoulders, kissing her bare shoulders, moving the material down to expose her breasts, kissing the flesh, stroking and licking her nipples, tracing random patterns with his fingers. He reached up to release her hair from its clip and it tumbled down. With her nightie pooled around her waist and her hair falling down her back, she looked and was shamelessly wanton. She ran her nails down his back and help him tightly, wanting him close to her, wanting his hands and lips everywhere.

Finally, he began working his way further downwards, discarding the satin material altogether, tossing it onto the floor. She now wore only a skimpy g-string. He grinned. He'd never be able to look at her the same way. He kissed and stroked her thighs until she was writhing under his touch. He could feel her moisten under the material. And he'd barely gotten started. "Jack," she whispered gutterly. "Jack, please."

"Please, what?" he asked, a teasing note to his voice.

"Please, stop teasing." She felt like she was on fire and she wasn't even sure that she wanted to cool things down. "Please," she said again.

Jack hooked his thumbs under the sides of the g-string and pulled it down in one swift motion. She was completely naked in front o him, her body trembling in anticipation, a wild, wanton look in her eyes. Her legs were spread, paradise on display. He bent his head to kiss her. She tasted as sweet as he'd anticipated and he quickly got to work – not that he considered it work – using his fingers and tongue on her. The taste of her was intoxicating.

He built her up until she was begging for a release then brought her to an explosive orgasm, and kept right on eating he out rather than give her a few minutes to recover, until she came again shortly after. "You like that?" he asked with a grin when he crawled up onto the bed. It hadn't been difficult to tell, the way she'd been screaming and writhing, the way he'd felt her spasm as she came... He took her hand and placed it lightly on his rock-hard penis. "This is what you do to me," he said, and he could tell by the look on her face that she was please. He positioned himself between her legs and slowly penetrated her, inch by inch, until he was entirely inside her. "Beautiful," he whispered, and started thrusting in and out of her, going faster and faster with each thrust until he was pounding her frantically. It didn't help that Gabrielle's nails were firmly dug into his back, legs around his waist... he brought his fingers down between her legs and started caressing her until she was as worked up as he was, screaming in unreserved lust as he pounded her hard.

"Jack!" screamed as she climaxed again. He sucked on her breasts and neck, kissed her hard and finally, as sweat poured off him, slammed into her hard and remained inside her as he poured into her. He couldn't remember ever coming so hard or long.

He stayed in her a full minute after he was finished, enjoying the feeling of being inside her. Finally, he pulled out and rolled onto his back, pulling her into his arms. "That was amazing," he whispered. "Thankyou."

She tilted her head so they could kiss. "You're welcome," she said. She couldn't think of anything to say that expressed how she felt. She was falling for him, she realised. She'd been falling for him for some time – she'd just needed to know why he played the field the way he did and a reassurance that she wouldn't be just another conquest. She knew that now, and she wanted to tell him he could have what he wanted – a real relationship. She thought about what it would be like to date Jack, to hold hands at the movies and go grocery shopping together and... but the words didn't come to her. How exactly did you broach the subject in a situation like his? He was so gun-shy after she had rejected him after the ball that all he had asked of he was tonight. She knew, instinctively knew that he still wanted to be with her... but he was too fragile to risk rejection again. And she had no idea how to broach the subject herself.

She began to drift off at the motion of Jack's gentle stroking along her back, and jolted awake when he shifted slightly. She glanced at the clock on her dresser. Shit, she thought. She got up and reached for her robe – a thin, ultra-feminine thing she'd dug up for his benefit – and wrapped it around herself. "What are you doing?" Jack asked, propping himself up on one elbow to watch her, although her robe-clad back wasn't nearly as interesting as her bare back. He'd been in the middle of exploring every inch of it, ever curve, every freckle, when she'd gotten up.

"I've got to have a shower before I go to bed," she said. "I have work tomorrow, and you certainly know how to get a girl dirty," she added teasingly.

Jack rose from bed and hugged her from behind. He pulled at he tie to her robe, pulling it apart as he had done before. "All in sick." Despite the gentle tone of his voice, it was a command, not a request. "You promise me the night and I'm not finished yet." He pulled the robe down to bare her back and started kissing her shoulders, pressing his chest against her back. He looped his arms under hers and started at her shoulders, moving down with deliberate slowness, leaving a trail of desire building up inside her as he went until his fingers grazed her most sensitive of paces. She shuddered as his fingers penetrated her, promising more of what had already happened, and as she arched her neck back, she knew she would do whatever he wanted for as long as he wanted...

She woke late the next morning, every muscle in her body aching. She'd grown up on a farm, she'd thought she was adept to hard work, but Jack pushed her body in ways she didn't think were possible. But then, he hadn't seemed to disappointed in her newfound flexibility – or her relative lack of experience when it came to sex. He'd enjoyed teaching her... she felt herself blush when she thought about just how much he had taught her. Even after just one night, she knew he was far from the once-a-week missionary type. About the only regard in which he was traditional was how strongly he believed in fidelity.

And there had been hints of doing it again – nothing definite, but she knew he had made him feel special, needed, safe. Why would he not want to do it again? She jus wished there had been something more substantial said then a vague suggestion to do it again. Now that she was confident that his feelings were genuine and that she wasn't just another conquest to him, she had waited for the opening... an opening that would never come. It had to come. It wasn't fair that she should finally understand him and be derived of an opening to make their relationship real.

She turned onto her side, and noticed a piece of paper on the dresser on the side of the bed Jack had slept. She smiled and reached for it. So sweet of him to leave a note.

_Gabby,_

_Thankyou for last night. I Haven't felt so comfortable and needed in so long – I can't remember._

Gabrielle flushed with delight that she had made him feel like that. How could he not do anything now?

_I meant what I said – I won't ask anything more of you in the morning. I'll keep my promise to protect you but I won't keep pestering you for more._

_Love, Jack._

She frowned. _No, no, no_. This wasn't right, it wasn't right at all. He was pulling away because he thought she didn't care – or didn't trust him – what did it matter, the result was still the same. He was terrified of being rejected again, and given his fragile state, she couldn't blame him.

She reread the note again. I'll keep my promise to protect you. Suddenly, she thought of all the times Jack had taken advantage of the situation to kiss her, to hold her – he had done it to be close to her, she realised, using their need to pretend as a smokescreen. She smile to herself. Well, she could do the same thing. If Jack wanted to protect her, he'd have to keep up this facade of affection – and she could take advantage of it just as shamelessly as he had.

* * *

"You look awful."

"You don't look so great yourself."

"Yeah, but I spent the night in prison," Travis returned. "What's your excuse?" Jack looked like he'd barely slept between storming off in the hospital yesterday afternoon and bailing Travis out first thing this morning. In fact... grinning knowingly, Travis reached over and pulled on Jack's collar, yanking it one side to fully reveal a nasty-looking hickey. "Wow, did she think she was trying out for an Anne Rice movie?" he asked.

"Who's Anne Rice?"

Travis frowned. Sometimes he didn't know if Jack's complete lack of knowledge of pop culture was real or a put-on. Well, it was immaterial. "You had a good night, I take it?"

"None of your business," Jack said. He was tired and in no mood to deal with Travis's suggestiveness. Conscience dictated that he bail Travis out, despite her traitorous little stunt, and he'd gotten all of about a hour's sleep before having to get up.

"I think it kind of is my business, given she never would have – you know – if I hadn't told her about what happened to us."

Jack glared at him. Just because Gabrielle had relented and let him spend the night before didn't make it any less of a rotten thing to do. "That was rotten," he said.

Travis shrugged. It had worked, so it didn't weigh on his conscience. Besides, he was dying, he got to bend the rules. "Tell me the details," Travis demanded.

"It was nice."

Travis snorted. He knew nothing about women, but he did know that you didn't get to sleep over what was just a 'nice' night, and he told Jack so. "It's not what you think, OK. It was just a pity fuck. I knew it at the time and I promised I wouldn't ask more of her in the morning – and I intend to keep that promised."

"Oh, Jack, are you serious?" he asked incredulously. "You don't think her knowing changes things?"

"No, I don't. It hasn't changed the fact that I've slept with more women even than most surgeons." And it didn't change the fact that he had screwed his on-and-off girlfriend's cousin and discarded her with abut as much thought for her feelings as he gave the cow who had become his dinner. No matter how hard he tried, his one-nighter with Bianca was only a vague memory, and it scared him that there were so many such vague memories. No wonder Gabrielle didn't want to date him. Who'd trust a guy like him?

"But surely now that she knows – "

"Drop it, Travis," Jack said. He didn't need to add or you can fund your own lawyer; his tone said it all. Travis dropped it, but didn't stop thinking about it, wondering if there was some other way he could meddle and get them together for real. Jack meant more to him then anyone ever had, and it did his heart good to think that maybe one of Patrick's victims might emerge from the tragedy a whole human being with a successful career and loving relationship.

* * *

"Holy shit, I am so reminding Spence of this the next time he reckons he does something romantic," Charlotte said, taking in the massive – ad gorgeous, and expensive – bouquet of flowers sitting on the staffbase bench, obscuring a good portion of the three-sixty view the base offered. "Are they from Dan or Jack?" she asked no-one in particular, a trifle jealous because the one and only time Spence had ever surprised her with such a showy gift was when she had told him of her pregnancy.

Erica laughed. "Are you kidding? Dan doesn't have that kind of taste. I found out the gorgeous pendant he got me for my birthday was chosen by Jack, paid for on Jack's credit card and reimbursed by Dan." She laughed as she said this, although she had been incredibly peeved at the time. She'd rather Dan's geeky attempts at buying presents then him sending out his best mate to do it.

Charlotte laughed. "You're right. I'm yet to meet anyone who had such exquisite taste when it came to women and children. Vincent once caught him pouring over eBay for the perfect thing to buy this little girl that he knows when he was meant to be doing paperwork." At least Zach would never be without a devoted father figure should Spence come through on his desire to go back to Somalia. "They really are so beautiful," she said wistfully.

"What are?" Gabrielle asked, entering the ED. She saw the massive bouquet and knew they were for her. Blushing, she grabbed the bouquet and took it into the office she shared wit Frank and Zoe. Alone, she pulled out the car. To the world's best girlfriend, it read. Thankyou. She pressed the card to her chest and inhaled the flowers. Such a romantic gesture. He couldn't have made such an effort just to keep up appearance – he just couldn't have.

She saw him later that day. He looked tired, and she commented on it. "Just worried about Travis," he admitted.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "Is the anything I can do?" There, the perfect opening.

"No, thanks, you've done plenty for me already." No matter how beautiful she looked, no matter how much he wanted to be in her arms and her bed, he would not pester her for anything more than her friendship. She had come through for him when he'd needed her, it was more than he deserved already.

She frowned. She had given him the perfect opportunity to suggest a date or night in, and he seemed to have completely overlooked it. "Thanks for the flowers," she said. "They're beautiful."

"You deserve them."

"Hey, do you want to come over tonight?" she asked, taking the plunge. Cuddled up over some wine and a few DVDs, who knew what could happen. "I thought maybe we could watch more of that series – Carnivale. "

Lord, what he would have given for that invitation just a few days ago. But things had changed. He would never have her the way he wanted her – she would never trust him the way he wanted her to. He owed her his protection but other than that, to hope for anything more was just foolishness that would get his heart broken again. "Thanks," he said. "But I really want to spend as much time with Travis as I can before... you know."

"Of course." She couldn't imagine what it must be like to be losing the only person who truly knew what horrible things you had endured."If you need anything Jack, anything at all – just ask."

"I will. Thankyou." But what he needed, she wasn't willing to give. He hugged her and kissed her chastely on the forehead that was a million miles from their frantic, lust-fuelled kisses only a few nights previously. "I have to get upstairs but I'll see you around, OK?" She nodded, and he walked off. She watched him go, and as she did, she couldn't ignore the knowing feeling that he had taken her rejection of him deeply, that he had committed himself to keeping his distance from her – well, as much as he could given the circumstances – and was now slipping away from her.


	7. Chapter 7

"Does he always take things that badly?" Rachel Simms asked sympathetically, intrigued by the good-looking young surgeon who was in such a foul mood over the loss of his patient. It had been a long, hard day. She had been offered the shift at All Saints via her agency, and showed up to find the ward inundated by a multi-vehicle collision.

"That's the second patient he's lost," Dan said."And he never takes it well." Or, rather, worse than most of them did. On top of that, Jack had been distant ever since Patrick's death, and he didn't seem to be spending as much time with Gabrielle or being as affectionate. Dan hoped he wasn't pulling away from her.

"Poor guy," Rachel said sympathetically. He seemed so sensitive for a surgeon – most of the ones she'd met saw their patients as inanimate objects to be dealt with, no suffering human beings. And it didn't hurt that he was seriously good looing. Maybe he would appreciate a sympathetic ear over a drink. "I don't suppose you know if he's seeing someone?" she asked hopefully, trying not to sound tacky in light of the fact he'd lost two patients that day.

Dan smirked. Women developing crushes on Jack was hardly a new thing – in fact, it seemed to be more common since he and Gabrielle had gotten together, as if proving himself to be a devoted boyfriend made him hot property as a boyfriend. He was vaguely concerned about that – surely these women understood that you didn't want a boyfriend who could be lured away from their girlfriend? – but it also amused him. He wondered what it was about Jack that made him so attractive to women. Maybe he just naturally gravitated towards them as a result of his abuse. In any case, it amused him to see the way they gravitated towards him, and he couldn't resist having a joke at Rachel's expense. "Not that I know of," he lied. She'd find out soon enough that he was actually seeing her temporary boss.

"Great," Rachel said, walking off, hoping she would find him so she could ask him for a drink.

"Dan, that was mean," Erica said disapprovingly. She was aware that Dan loved to push the buttons of the women he worked with – he had made a second career out of winding up his former housemate and the woman Erica had replaced, Jessica Singleton. But it didn't make it right. She certainly wouldn't like being told that the person she had a crush on was single, and then finding out he wasn't.

"Oh, it's just a bit of fun," Dan scoffed.

"Yeah... until she tries to come onto him and he tells her not only is he seeing someone, but he just came onto her boss's boyfriend."

"Didn't really think about it that way," Dan admitted. He hadn't liked finding out that Bianca, who he'd thought was single, was actually married. Not exactly the same thing, but not a pleasant situation to find yourself in. "I'll go set her straight."

Erica placed a restraining arm on him. "Let Jack do it, if anything comes of it," she told him. "He'll let her down far more gently than you would."

* * *

Gabrielle found him pacing restlessly through the surgeon's lounge. "You alright?" she asked, even though she knew he wasn't.

"I just lost two patients, one who could have been saved if Mike hadn't been so goddamn insistent that he got priority, but yeah, I'm fine," Jack snapped sarcastically. He saw the way Gabrielle flinched at his harsh tone and softened. "I'm sorry," he said. "It hasn't been a great day. Actually, it hasn't been a great couple of weeks," he admitted.

"I'm sorry," she said. She and Jack hadn't seen a lot of each other since Patrick had died, but that didn't lesson her sympathy for his situation. "How is he doing?" she asked. She didn't have to specify Travis.

"He's dying," Jack said bluntly. "And he won't fight. I know he's in a l of pain, but there are things we can do and he just... won't fight."

"Try seeing it from his perspective," she offered.

"What, that we can only prolong the inevitable, and for what, so he can spent whatever extra time we can eke out for him rotting in jail?" he asked wearily. "I get that, Gabs, it's just... so hard to let him go. It's like he doesn't even care now that he's got the only thing he wanted."

She sat down on the couch, and motioned for him to sit down next to her. Thankfully, he did. There wasn't much more of his restless pacing that she could take. "Have you ever thought of talking to someone about it?" she asked. "A counsellor, I mean."

"I'm not big on the talking," he said. But he allowed her to put her arm around his back. He missed her. So many times after a gruelling evening with Travis, watching him slowly let go of life, he had wanted to be with her, feel safe and loved in her arms... but she didn't want him, not the way he wanted her to.

"You don't have to do this alone, Jack," Gabrielle said.

He smiled at her sadly. "Because you know what it's like to beg someone not to rape you because it hurts so much from the last time," he said. "Travis is the only person in the world who knows what it's lie... and he's dying."

"Jack..." She had no idea how to get through to him. She could feel him withdrawing from her and she had no idea how to bring him back to her. She wished she had agreed to date him when he'd first wanted to, maybe now he wouldn't be holding himself aloof. She squeezed his arm and left him to his misery.

* * *

"Gabrielle, why don't you trade patients with Erica?" Zoe suggested. "You shouldn't have to deal with someone like that."

"You mean you don't think I can handle it?" Gabrielle asked irritably. She knew Zoe was well-meaning, but she was already sick of being treated like she lacked the emotional strength to nurse a man who had bee brutally bashed by the brothers of a girl he had raped years before. "I can't just dump an unwanted patient onto a subordinate."

"I think it's acceptable given the circumstances," Zoe said. The guy gave her the creeps, and she didn't even have Gabrielle's traumatic memories of being assaulted.

"Zoe, I'm fine," Gabrielle insisted. No way was she going to admit she found trying to be her usual, compassionate self around a man who had, by his own admission, gone to town on the poor girl. Every time she looked at him, heard him speak r heard his name, she remembered Parker holding her down, forcing his hand down her pants, enjoying his terror, and wondered if this man had enjoyed what he'd done as much as Parker would have. She restrained a shudder of revulsion, too proud o let Zoe know that she found the man troubling. Zoe meant well, but she didn't want to appear weak. She was grateful Jack was distracted wit a surgical patient, because if he knew she was treating a rapist, he would have insisted she swap with Erica.

"What was that about?" Rachel asked when Gabrielle returned to their patient. She was creeped out too, but she had a lot of respect for Gabrielle's professionalism, and didn't want to admit she'd rather change bedpans than spend more time with this man.

"Nothing," Gabrielle said. She didn't know if Rachel knew about her assault or not – probably not, if she hadn't realised what Zoe's concern was – and wasn't in the mood for sympathy.

They dealt with the patient, who became increasingly agitated over the lack of a male doctor to treat him – Frank and Bart were busy, and Mike and Jack were dealing with a surgical patient. Gabrielle's emotions were torn. What he had done disgusted her, but she felt a grudging bit of respect for him that he was trying so hard to avoid temptation. And the sooner they found another doctor, the better. Zoe was currently trying to get another surgeon in to swap with Jack, who was a registered physician. Of course, then she'd have to deal with Jack's annoyance when he found out she had agreed to treat a rapist.

The patient worked himself into such a state that he snapped when Rachel tried to touch him, screaming that they were all bitches and whores who were begging for it. Fran helped restrain and sedate him, and the three women made themself scarce.

"You alright?" Charlotte asked Gabrielle moments later. Gabrielle nodded, trying to swallow the terror that was threatening to engulf her. She wasn't alright, she was filled with memories of Parker ripping her shirt and putting is hand down her pants and – "Go find Jack, you need to feel safe right now," Charlotte directed Gabrielle in a sympathetic voice.

And have him go off at her for agreeing to treat a rape patient? And give him something else to worry about? "Charlotte, I'm alright and I don't want to concern Jack – you know how overprotective he is." Charlotte hadn't forgotten how he had looked ready to kill Bart for upsetting her when she'd first returned to work. "Why don't we grab a cuppa in the cafeteria, get out of here for a while?" she suggested.

"I'd love a cuppa," Charlotte said, who was almost as eager to get away from the scene as Gabrielle was. She let Zoe know where they were going. Zoe wasn't too happy about it, but she understood the two women need some down-time and let them go.

Meanwhile, Rachel had retreated to the tea-room and headed straight for the kettle. She was so traumatised she didn't notice Jack at the table. Trembling, the coffee cup rattled against the saucer in her hands and she nearly dropped both of them. "Here, let me get that," Jack said, coming up behind her and, reaching around her, taking the cup and saucer out of her hand. "You're likely to drop them and then Frank will be pissed. Just grab a seat and I'll make it for you. What do you have?" he asked.

Gratefully, Rachel scooted over to the table. "White coffee, two sugars," she said. She gripped the edge of the table, breathing deeply and trying to calm down from the trauma. She'd had patients lose it at her before, of course, but never self-confessed brutal rapists who called her a bitch and a whore and that she was begging for it. Begging for what? she wondered. The same treatment he'd meted out to that poor girl.? "Thanks," she said gratefully, holding the cup securely when Jack handed it to her. She couldn't believe her luck – alone with a very thoughtful Jack Quade. She only wished she wasn't so rattled and could enjoy it more.

"You're welcome. You want to talk about it?" he asked. She looked pretty rattled.

"Just a patient," she said, then, under the warmth of his thoughtful, aqua-grey eyes, she told him what had happened. "He just... it was so creepy, Jack. Like if I'd been alone with him –"

He reached over the squeeze her hand, and she accepted it gratefully. "I hate bastards like that," he said. "Sounds like typical stubborn Gabby, but Charlotte should have come and gotten me. I hope she's holding up alright, being around a rapist is about the last thing Gabby needs."

"How come?" Rachel asked. She'd noticed Zoe seemed reluctant to let he nurse treat the guy, but Gabrielle had made it clear she didn't want to talk about it and Rachel hadn't pushed it.

"About six weeks ago she was assaulted in the carpark. Asshole had the bad luck to bend her over the bonnet of my car just as I was heading home. She was pretty upset about it, she's still skittish with men sometimes. It still scares me what they would have done to her if I hadn't been there at the right time."

"Oh, my God, I had no idea," Rachel said. "She seems so... together."

"Usually she is, and when she isn't, she's too proud to admit that she needs to take time-out. She thinks it's a sign of weakness that she still gets tense if Frank or Bart or whoever comes up behind her too quickly. And she's been lucky that she had a team who mostly get that that she's a little skittish, I'd hate to think what would happen if she didn't."

"How d'you mean, a little skittish?"

"Oh, she sometimes gets freaked out over little things, like when she first came back to work and Bart grabbed her when he couldn't get her attention. She was really upset and to tell the truth, I wanted to deck the guy. I know he wasn't being a shit on purpose, but it was such a stupid thing to do – who the hell grabs someone you know was almost gang-raped just a few days before?"

"You sound very passionate about it," Rachel said, thinking it was a measure of his integrity that he was so concerned about a colleague. But from what she had picked up, that was the kind of man he was. The ambo, Cate McMasters, who Rachel had had a few dealings with, raved about how many times he had hauled her home when she was too drunk, stoned or high to take care of herself, and had never taken advantage of her, not even when she'd thrown herself at him. What a guy.

"Like I said, I hate bastards like that. Bring back capital punishment for anyone who thinks it's OK to hurt someone weaker than them." He studied her for a few seconds. She looked calmer, and he commented on it.

"You have an excellent bedside manner," she said. "Or tableside manner."

"Glad to help a damsel in distress," he said, smiling, his eyes sparkling. She really was a nice kid. A little too young and inexperienced for his taste, even if there wasn't Gabrielle – funny, but even though they were about the same age and Gabrielle didn't have a hell of a lot of sexual experience, he'd been able to tell that by her tentative she was in the bedroom, Gabrielle had an aura of strength and command about her that belied her age – but a nice kid.

Rachel's heart skipped a beat. Things couldn't be any better. She was alone with Jack, who was being sweet and kind and knew how to make her feel calm. "I don't suppose you want to get a drink after work?" she blurted out.

For a second, Jack felt like a deer caught in headlights. He'd had women make a pass at him before, of course, women who didn't care that he was supposedly in a committed relationship, but this was different. Rachel had to be under the impression he was single – she didn't seem like the type to go after other women's boyfriend, and she surely must have the good sense not to go after the boyfriend of the woman who could make her working life a misery. She had a crush on him and thought he was single, and the idea of letting her down didn't appeal to him. But it had to be done. "I'm sorry, I don't think Gabrielle would like that very much," he said in a tone that was both respectful and regretful.

For a second, Rachel looked confused. "I don't understand, what does Gabrielle have to do with it?" she asked. Then she understood, and she blushed a deep red. "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't worry about it, it's a compliment." Actually, if he wasn't keeping his emotional distance from Gabrielle, he knew she would find it amusing that Rachel had a crush on him. She liked that other women found him desirable, it gave her an ego boost to know that other women wanted her man.

"I can't believe – oh, my God, I can't believe made a pass at my boss's boyfriend." How stupid could you get? And after what he had been saying about protecting Gabrielle following her assault – she should have twigged, you didn't go to those measures to protect someone unless you were involved with them.

"Rachel, it's fine. She'll probably take it as a compliment."

She didn't stop blushing, which made Jack feel even worse, because clearly she wasn't some calculating man-eater, just a sweet kid with a crush on someone. "You won't tell her, will you?" she asked.

"Not if you don't want me to, although trust me, she won't mind in the least. Look, if it's worth anything, I would totally date you if you were single." And why not, she was sweet and attractive enough.

She blushed at the compliment. "How long have you guys been together?" she asked.

"About two months." Jack went on to talk about their relationship, from that first tryst in the consult room to their supposed hush-hush relationship out of consideration for Zoe to her assault and their being outed. He had Rachel laughing as he told her about how she'd taken on his sister and won.

"Why does that not surprise me, she seems like someone who can hold her own," she said.

"Are you kidding me? She then went after the bitch who was behind it all and destroyed her reputation. She quit soon after." Jack found himself suddenly stop laughing when he thought about Bianca. He had no sympathy for her, she had borne a grudge for ten years because he'd screwed her once as a cocky seventeen-year-old, but he still felt ashamed that he had used her and so many other women. "Sorry, thinking about some lousy things I did," and he found himself talking about Bianca. "She was a petty, vengeful cow who blew it all out of proportion but I can kind of understand why she was so angry, or at least where some of that anger came from... I guess it wasn't really until started dating Gabby that I got to thinking about how lousy my treatment has been in the past." Which was true enough; that Gabrielle insisted on holding him at arm's length despite their obvious chemistry and camaraderie had made him realised just whata foul reputation he had... and that like most reputations, some of it wasn't real but a good portion of it was.

"I'm sure you've made up for it and this Bianca sounds like a real bitch. Is she the one Ricki doesn't like?"

"Yeah, that's her. She basically couldn't stand the fact that Dan would rather have been with Ricki than her. Because, you know, I'd totally choose a married cow with no respect for fidelity over someone like Ricki."

"They're totally sweet together," Rachel said, and Jack agreed. He went to say how much he envied their connection and that he wished he had something like that for himself. He found Rachel easy to talk to and for a second forgot that he was meant to be maintaining this pretence of a relationship.

* * *

Gabrielle was shocked to see Steve Taylor at the staffbase, sniffing different chemicals as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It was like seeing a ghost, or having a nightmare suddenly come true. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked. In a moment, all the memories of being humiliated at his hands came back to her, the realisation that he had given her Chlamydia, the going over to her best friend's house to see if she knew anything, the seeing them together, going at it like they were making a porn. She grimaced. Steve certainly wasn't hung like a porn star.

"Gabby!" he said delightedly, as if their last interaction hadn't been an angry, tearful confrontation over his drunken promiscuity, as if they were old mates who hadn't seen each other in a while. "I haven't seen you in ages. I kept up with you for a while, then you just disappeared. Your dad wouldn't tell me where you got off to."

"Yeah, my dad tends not to give out information to drunken womanisers," she spat. She wanted to hit him, run her fingernails down that smug, handsome face of his until it bled. She thought about everything Jack had gone through and how hard he was trying to overcome all the shitty things he had done and had done to him, and here was Steve, completely unapologetic over all the ways he'd hurt her.

"Oh, come on, it was years ago," he said. "You look like you've done well for yourself, NUM of a major Sydney hospital at your age. Ashey hasn't done so well."

"You still see her?" she asked. Ashley Jones, her former best friend, last seen on her hands and knees taking it from behind like the tramp she was. OK, so it was only what she had let Jack do to her, but that was different. Jack respected her. Jack certainly wouldn't cheat on her – or knowingly be with someone who was cheating with him.

"I hear the town gossip," he said defensively, wondering how he had ever let Ashley lure him into her bed. Oh, sure, she was stunning, and willing to do the things that Gabrielle, who only liked the missionary position and detested giving blow-jobs, wasn't willing to do, but how big a fool was he to play around so close to home? Of course Gabrielle was bound to find out – Steve was surprised Ashley hadn't told him herself, she had never gotten over the fact that plain-and-mousy Gabrielle Jaeger, highly conservative in bed with nothing to recommend for her when it came to pleasing men, had nabbed Steve Taylor. "Look, it was the biggest mistake of my life and I'm still kicking myself that I screwed up with you."

"It doesn't matter, I have a new boyfriend," she said loftily. She got a kick out of seeing Steve's face drop. Well, what did he expect, that he could just waltz back into her life after all these years and after how badly he had treated her and expect her to still be waiting for him? Like hell. "And he's possessive, too. He's not going to take to well to your being here."

Steve just laughed at that, as if he saw through her attempts to get a rise out of him. "So he's a city boy huh?" he asked. "What does your dad think about that?"

Gabriele squirmed. Her dad was highly opinionated about the fact that city folk were useless, especially since her mother's death to cancer, when the best doctors in Sydney hadn't been able to do anything for her. Of course, she and Jack weren't actually together, but that wouldn't change he dad's opinion. But then, her dad had been ever less forgiving of Steve's infidelity than Gabrielle, so maybe he'd prefer a city boy who placed a lot of stock in fidelity dating his daughter than a country boy who thought nothing of screwing her best friend.

Gabrielle was incensed to find out that Steve was applying for the job vacated by Sean's death. He had had always been so opinionated about working in a city – said he was a farm boy, he was meant to work in small towns and remote regions. She wondered who he had pissed off that he was now applying for work in Sydney.

But despite herself, she found her guard being let down as Steve amused her with anecdotes about life back in the region they had grown up in, and wondering if he was sincere in his regret for cheating on her. He certainly seemed sober and industrious these days, especially when she caught sight of his resume – working for the Flying Doctors, on Aboriginal settlements – it was so impressive, Gabrielle didn't think to question why he moved on so quickly from each job.

"... So what's this Jack like?" Steve asked at the end of the day. He'd run into the younger doctor and had been unimpressed. His original opinion was confirmed, that Jack was an arrogant city boyo thought being from the country meant your understanding of medicine was based on foaling cows. Steve ad his own flaws, to be sure, but Jack was a Sydney boy born and bred, and the way he looked own on anyone who wasn't was hardly a credit to his personality.

Gabrielle was hesitant to talk about Jack; who knew what Steve might realise. "He's sweet," she said. "He likes taking care of me,"

"Heard he had you in a consult room," Steve said crassly.

"It was the day the guy you're replacing died, so it would be really tacky to go around asking about it."

Steve overlooked her outburst. He was trying to get back in her good books – he needed somewhere to crash, while he was used to roughing it in his ute, an actual bed would be a godsend – and he was smart enough to realise antagonising her wouldn't get him far. Instead, he steered the conversation towards newfound employment – thankfully, Gabrielle had eventually OK'd his working at All Saints, which was a good thing, because fewer and fewer places were willing to hire him, not when he had a track record of stuffing up every job he'd had by turning up drunk one too many times – and where he was going to stay. "The back of my ute has served me fine in the past," he said in a self-depreciating way.

"You're kidding me, that piece of junk is still in one piece?" she asked disbelievingly. Steve shrugged, and it occurred to Gabrielle that he couldn't bear to part with it. He'd had it from new from before he'd gotten his licence, and had a lot of memories – good and bad – associated with it. Bushing slightly, Gabrielle remembered how she'd lost her virginity in it. She wiped the whimsical smile off her face. It had been a lousy experience anyway. Steve didn't exactly know how to treat a woman in bed – or in the back of a ute. Whereas Jack...

She thought of something. "I'll talk to Jack, see if he's OK with you staying with me," she said, thinking that it would give Jack an opportunity to say something. After all, if Steve was living with her, he would soon enough cotton onto the fact they weren't really together, and she wanted desperately for Jack to care about a detail like that.

Steve glowered. Jack Bloody Quade again. Well, he supposed he couldn't complain that she wanted her new boyfriend's permission to move her old boyfriend in, he jus didn't like having such obvious competition around.

She caught up with Jack shortly after, and explained the situation to him. "If you want him to move in, that's your choice," he said noncommittally, his heart secretly breaking that she was so keen to have her ex move in. OK, he got that it was either that or tea ck of his , but still – didn't she get how it was going to look, with her ex living there when he didn't? The idea of her ex having o free access to he made him sick with jealousy. And he couldn't even ay anything, because they weren't really together and she had made it clear that wasn't going to change.

"I just thought – you know, if he's living with me then we're not going to be able to keep it from him that we're not together..." she offered weakly. She had expected Jack to tell her she was right, so she could go back to Steve and tell him Jack wasn't OK with it, then maybe she could have Jack over and they could watch DVDs and work their way through a carton of beer the way they used to...

_Did she trust him?_ To keep his trap shut, yes. To not break her heart... no. "Then I'll tell him he can move in," she said, feeling more disappointment than she let on to Jack. She pushed her body against him and tried to take pleasure out of his warmth, his smell. But here was something distant bout him, something that had been there since she had learnt about Patrick and Travis... she shivered in spite of herself. Things felt like they were spiralling out of control. She was losing Jack, he didn't seem to care anymore about her, and she had no idea what she could do about it.

Steve had been living with her for a week, and had little pleasant to say about Jack. He found the younger doctor arrogant and pompous – exactly the reason he'd been reluctant to move to Sydney. But he was lucky to find work, so he supposed he should be grateful... but still, Jack grated on him. He wanted to punch him in the face every time he touched Gabrielle, every time he called Steve on a mistake.

Steve had heard about him. Resident womaniser, had gotten his girlfriend's best friend pregnant – how come she could overlook that in Jack, but not in him? Although that was one thing he had respected about Ashley, she was paranoid about getting pregnant, she always took care of herself. Whenever Jack put his filthy womanising hands on her, he wanted to snatch her away. Gabrielle belonged with him, a country person like himself, not some arrogant city boy who looked his nose own on anyone who hadn't been born and raised in Sydney...

... Jack was in the tea room with Rachel. He found her to be pleasant company, refreshing in her complete lack of pretentions, he honesty – if he wasn't doing this thing with Gabrielle, he would definitely date her. He found himself looking forward to seeing he every time he went down to the ED, almost as much as he looked forward to seeing Gabrielle.

"How are you finding her living with Steve?" she asked. The whole ward, and much of the hospital, was dying of curiosity as to how Jack was finding his girlfriend having let her ex move in. She turned away and blushed when she realised how personal the question was. "Sorry, that was none of my business."

"It's fine. I realise it's not ideal, but what was I going to do, make her to toss the guy out on the streets?"

"That's very sweet of you, Jack." Once again, she found herself regretting that such an awesome man as Jack was taken. But then, men like Jack never remained on the market for long.

He smiled at her. "I knock off in fifteen minutes, and Gabby doesn't finish for ages. Why don't you get your stuff and we'll go have that drink?"

"I'd like that," she said. Jack's friendship was better than nothing...

... "I really don't see what you like about him," Steve complained. It was a surprisingly quiet day, and Gabrielle was leaving early. She and Steve were getting their things to head off for the day.

"He's sweet when you get to know him, you just don't see that side of him," Gabrielle said defensively. For some reason, Steve and Jack just hadn't hit it off, and things had gotten worse from there. "He's done a lot for me."

"Like what? Screw you in a consult room and ruin your reputation?" Steve challenged. He was getting bolder about criticising Jack.

"Steve, that wasn't his fault," she said. "We both wanted it - wasn't like he forced me to do anything. And you know what? We're not even together, that's why he hasn't been around. A group of guys tried to rape me three weeks after we first slept together, and he wanted to protect me, and the only thing he knew to do so people wouldn't think I was some slag who would do it with anyone was to pretend we were together. We've been doing it ever since."

Steve stared at Gabrielle. She wasn't really with Quade? That was the best thing he'd heard since showing up to his interview a week ago and finding out she worked there. So every time he put his filthy hands on her, it was just in pretend? He couldn't believe his luck. "So you and he – ?"

"Never happened," she admitted, deciding to omit the fact they had spent a passionate night together, and that ever since, he had been holding her at arm's length. He wasn't interested in her anymore, so what was the point in lying to Steve?

"Wow," he said. "You certainly did a convincing impression otherwise."

_That's because he used to take every opportunity to kiss me, but now he can't stay far enough away from me_, Gabrielle thought. Instead, she shrugged, an impish look on her face. She had to admit, it was a kick to see the look of surprise on his face. She and Jack had certainly done a convincing job.

Steve was delighted. He had been buttering up to Gabrielle all week, had thought he'd made some serious inroads with her forgiveness, and now he found out she wasn't encumbered with a jerk of a boyfriend. "In that case..." he said, and he leaned in to kiss her..

... The kiss was sweet, nostalgic. Gabrielle couldn't deny that there was some things that she and Steve shared that she and Jack never would – their love of the country, their growing up together... as she responded to Steve's kiss, she remembered all the things that had made growing up so pleasant. The smell of the grass after a spring rain. The thunderstorms that had been just a tiny bit scary but when Steve held her in is strong arms – the acres and acres of land that she remembered with a dull ache in her heart whenever her house seemed so tiny and Sydney so crowded... the memories flooded back and she felt like a little girl again, happy growing up on the family farm with her mother still alive and and a boyfriend who was devoted to her...

"So then I said... " Steve and Gabrielle's kiss was interrupted by Jack and Rachel entering the locker room to get Rachel's bag before heading out. The younger man stopped dead. For a second, he felt like he had to get out of there before the sight of them broke his heart in two. He had accepted that nothing was going to happen between him and Gabrielle, or at least, had thought he'd accepted it, but to actually see them together, his arms around her waist, their mouths fused – "I'm sorry," he said quietly, before rushing out, Rachel following closely on his heels.

"Jack, wait!"she called after him. "Jack, if you want to talk – "

She was surprised at how calm he was when he faced her. Of course, she didn't know that he and Gabrielle weren't really together, that he had secretly been dreading this moment when she decided she wanted to be with someone else... he turned to face her and smiled bravely. "Please, just leave it," he begged. "I'd like to be alone. Do you think – do you think you could not mention this to anyone? I need to think and I need to talk to her and it's best if gossip doesn't get around before that happened." His brain was ticking over. If word got out that Gabrielle was a two-timer, she'd be no better off than when she had been when she'd been thought of as Jack Quade's newest conquest. She'd been in an even worse situation, because now she'd be a two-timing slut who no longer had the protection of being Jack's girlfriend.

"Of course," Rachel said, thinking it was a measure of Jack's integrity that even after Gabrielle had cheated on him, he still wanted to protect her.

He caught up with her a few days later. She was full of apologies, but he cut her of. "It's OK," he said. He'd been doing a lot of thinking and knew if Steve could make her happy, he had no right to hold her to – what was it he could hold her to, anyway? It wasn't like she owed him anything. She had been there for him when he'd needed her, and if she had someone who could make her happy in a way he couldn't, well, what could he d and retain any integrity? She didn't want him, not the way she clearly wanted this Steve, and what kind of a jerk would he be to try and hold onto her? Even if the idea of her with anyone else did break his heart. "If you want to be with him, you don't owe me anything."

"I need to explain – " she started to say. She didn't understand why he was o indifferent, unless he truly didn't car. Standing here with him so calm, she was disappointed. Better that he scream at her, be angry with her – that would at least show that he cared. But this strangely calm Jack – he had caught her kissing another man, and he didn't care.

"I understand, Gabs, I really do. Believe me, I know what it's like to love someone and never really stop." Oh boy, did he know. First with Terri, now with Gabrielle, he knew all too well what it was like to not be able to stop loving someone. Was he ever going to find someone who returned his feelings? Well, if she wanted to be with Steve, then he had to respect that, and let her go without a fuss. What would screaming at her achieve anyway? Apart from prove that he was a sore loser who tried to make someone love him. No sense in making her feel bad that his heart was breaking when she didn't return his feelings – or worse, have her stay with him because she felt sorry for him. Better to leave with a little dignity. "We had fun, though, didn't we?" He didn't know why he was asking, except that he needed to know that it hadn't been an entirely unpleasant experience.

She smiled bravely. If Jack wanted to bow out gracefully, she wasn't going to cling. Steve had been pushing to get back together, and he seemed like a changed man. Besides, she told herself, things would never have worked out with Jack anyway. He was too polished, too jaded for a country girl like her. He'd be happier with someone who knew how to play chess and liked foreign movies and things like that. "You're the best fake boyfriend I ever had," she joked, willing herself not to cry, or worse, beg him to understand and forgive her indiscretion. What if he turned her down flat, or worse, continued to see her because he felt guilty. Better to leave with a little dignity in tact. "What you've done for me has been amazing."

Jack nodded, satisfied with that at least. "Just... make sure he does the right thing by you," he instructed her. "Be discreet and make sure he doesn't let anyone give you crap. The last thing you need is people calling you a slut and cheater... and him not willing to defend you."

He was so damn honourable that it broke her heart. She had caused him potential humiliation once it got out that she had defected to her ex-boyfriend, and he was still thinking about her welfare. Impulsively, she hugged him, even though being in his arms made her want to stay there. "You're an amazing man, Jack," she whispered, before reluctantly withdrawing from his arms. She watched him turn and walk away, thinking about how strong and handsome he looked, and about how she was never going to be in his arms again and even though it had been her who had kept him at arm's length, she was suddenly filled with a deep sense of loss.

It was all over. She had lost.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Again, thanks for reading. Sorry the update took so long - it's been a sluggish week, and no feedback makes Gabbie a slow writer :p**

**I realise I completely changed the Rachel bit and details of the Mercedes bit but basically I couldn't see Jack being jerk enough to sleep with her knowing how she felt about him, and her being Gabrielle's subordinate. **

**Hope you enjoy!  
**

"Everyone's saying how we'll your taking things," Rachel mentioned to Jack a few days later. She'd run into him at Cougars, where he was waiting for his sister. True to her word, she hadn't said anything about her ad Jack walking in on Gabriele and Steve kissing, but it hadn't taken long for the gossip mill to crank into overdrive. Jack hadn't made an appearance in the ED for days, when he usually couldn't stay away, and Steve was making no secret of the fact he and Gabrielle were back together.

Naturally, Gabriele got most of the blame. It was always that way with women, and it didn't help that she had been the cheating party. At least, people assumed she had cheated. It was really too good to assume otherwise. She and Jack had been such a golden couple, then her ex-boyfriend showed up and mere days later, Jack was out of the picture and Steve apparently in it.

Jack refused to say anything on the matter. Privately, he was peeved with Steve for flaunting his relationship with Gabrielle. Didn't he know how careful they had to be? It was so easy for a girl to get herself talking about in a situation like that, but Steve seemed to enjoy showing off his new girlfriend, as if it was a personal triumph against Jack, who he had clashed with on day one. It made Jack want to smack Steve. He didn't understand what Gabrielle saw in him. He seemed like a real jerk.

Everyone had been trying to get Jack to tell what had happened, Dan especially. Like hell Jack would trust Dan with information like that. Besides, it was quite obvious that Gabrielle was now seeing her ex, he didn't need to tell anyone that and he resented what he considered tacky curiosity into his private life.

"Sorry, didn't mean to pry," Rachel said, seeming to be reading his thoughts. The scowl on his face said plenty. Her heart went out to him. They had seemed like such a loving couple, and there was something about Steve which gave Rachel the creeps. Why someone would prefer him t Jack was beyond Rachel's comprehension.

"It's OK," Jack said. "I'm just sick of being asked about it by people who just want something to talk about. And as for me taking it well... decking him isn't going to achieve anything so why shouldn't I just ignore it?"

"That's very mature of you, but how can you stand to be around him?" Rachel asked. She knew she certainly wouldn't be able to watch her very recent ex with the girl he'd cheated on her with, let alone day in, day out the way Jack was doing with Steve. Sure, he didn't come to the ED anymore, but he couldn't avoid seeing them around the grounds.

"Look, can you keep a secret?" Jack asked. Rachel nodded. He felt bad lying to her about the state of their relationship. They had become quite pally since the misunderstanding over his single status and he figured now it didn't matter. "We were never really together," he admitted.

Predictably, Rachel looked confused. "I don't understand, of course you were together. You were one of the most affectionate couples I've ever seen."

"All an act," Jack admitted, and went on to explain the details of the subterfuge. "I couldn't just standby and let her be a target like that," he said. "Not when it was just as much my fault. People are so hypocritical, it's OK for me to sleep around, but she has one indiscretion and some assholes decide it's OK to rape her."

"Wow, that's quite a development," Rachel said. She wondered how Gabrielle could have been kissed by Jack, sat in his lap with his arms around her, and not feel anything. She felt a pleasant shiver run down her spine to think about kissing him. "And she never wanted to take things further?" she asked, thinking that Gabrielle was all the more an idiot if that was the case.

Jack shook his head. "Nope." No way was he sharing their steamy night together. He felt his face grow warm just at the memory. Christ, but his heart ached whenever he saw her, thought about her ,heard someone mention her name.

"Wow. I can't believe you guys pulled that off."

Jack shrugged. "Well, we did and that's why I'm taking it so well, so to speak. There was nothing there for me to get m heart broken over, and he knew we weren't together so it's not like they were cheating."

"But only we know that."

He shrugged again. He really didn't like talking about it, although it was good to have someone understand why h wasn't too upset – outwardly, at least. Inwardly, the fact they hadn't been together didn't change the fact he was in love with her. "I wish they would be more discreet. People are talking about them – talking about her – and I don't think Steve's trying to protect her the way I did."

Typical Jack, Rachel thought, she had been the indiscreet one and he was still worried about people talking about her. What she saw in Steve was unfathomable, and Rachel felt a touch of irritation that Gabrielle didn't know a good thing stared her in the face. If Jack demonstrated that kind of devotion to her –

"Hi, George. Who the hell are you" came an arrogant voice that belonged to a pretty blond. Rachel wondered if she was Jack's way of moving on – though why she was calling him George, Rachel didn't know.

Jack gritted his teeth. He had, of course, told Rebecca that he and Gabrielle had broken up. His sister had responded with a barely-concealed glee that Jack thought extremely tasteless. So she hadn't liked his girlfriend, she could demonstrate a little compassion. "Bec, this is someone I work with, Rachel," he said. "Rachel, this is my sister Rebecca."

Rachel felt Rebecca's eyes on her, surveying her intently."You're a nurse too, I take it?" she asked.

"Yeah," Rachel said shortly, feeling like she was being judged.

"Don't mind her, Rach," Jack said. She liked the way he called her Rach."If she sees me talking to any attractive female under forty, she thinks I'll no longer have any time for my little sister." Rebecca glowered at this description.

"I have to get going, anyway," Rachel said, getting up. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jack – and once again, I am sorry."

He grabbed her hand d squeezed it appreciatively, although part of it was to make a point to Rebecca. She didn't know that, and was thrilled by the touch.

"What was that about?" she heard Rebecca asked as she walked away.

"None of your business," Jack said, which made Rachel smile. For some reason, she liked the fact that Jack wanted to keep their conversation between them.

* * *

"Please, Travis... for me," Jack begged wearily. Travis was close to death and refusing treatment. He was in pain, and didn't care for extending his poor quality of life now that he had the only thing he had wanted since he was thirteen – to see Patrick Wesley dead or behind bars. Not even for Jack would he put himself through more treatment. He was only sorry that he wouldn't see Jack and Gabrielle properly together before he died.

"I want to see her," he said.

Jack knew exactly who he was talking about. "No. It won't make any difference. She made her choice."

"She made that choice not knowing how you feel about her," Travis argued with surprising insight. "I bet she's just with that other guy because she thinks nothing will happen between you two. God knows you keep her at arm's length."

"She was the one who didn't want to be with me" Jack reminded him. "You talking to her will only make her feel bad. If she wants to be with Steve, I'm not going to hold her to anything. I can't make her love me."

Travis let it drop. He closed his eyes. He was so tired, even through the pain. It was close, he knew, and though he knew Jack wanted him to hold on, not even for him could Travis do that. "You'll stay with me?" he asked. Jack nodded, too shocked up to talk. He had known Travis didn't have much more time, but he had kidded himself that there would always be another day. "Hey," Travis said, reaching out to touch Jack's face. Jack didn't even flinch. "I've never had anyone cry over me," he said, pulling his hand away to feel his tears, a little in awe over Jack's obvious distress at his impending death.

Jack sniffled and wiped his eyes hurriedly. "I've never had someone who understood what it was like."

It was agony, watching Travis slip away, but Jack knew he would never be able to forgive himself if he wasn't thereto ease Travis out of life. He was the only person who had ever truly cared about him, and he would not abandon the man when he needed him. "Promise me you'll be good to yourself," Travis whispered, and Jack promised immediately.

Gabrielle came to see him when news of Travis's passing reached her. "I'm so sorry," she said. "Is here anything I can do?"

For a second, Jack thought about following Travis's advice and telling her how he felt about her. Pride stopped him. What would it achieve? If she had wanted to be with him, she would have done something already. "Thanks," he said. "But I'd like to be alone."

Gabrielle left him to his misery, her art aching for him. She wanted to reach out to him, but he had made it clear he didn't want her. For the millionth time, she regretted holding him at arm's length for so long. If only she had known what she knew now when she and Jack had first slept together and she'd turned down a date. Now it was too late.

She expressed regret about not being able to be there for him to Steve. "Travis meant a lot to him, he isn't close to his family so he was like a brother to him. And he wants to be alone, which is the last thing he needs."

"Why don't I catch up with him, buy him a drink?"Steve suggested. He wanted to get into Gabrielle's good books. Maybe if he demonstrated some compassion towards the younger doctor, Gabrielle might be a bit sweeter when it came to her personal boundaries. So far, she hadn't allowed him more than kisses, not even his hand under her top. She said she was still a little uncomfortable about intimacy since the attack. He was frustrated by the lack of action he was getting. Gabrielle had always be a little dull in bed – highly conservative and not interested in Steve's more kinky tastes, but dull sex was better than no sex. It was times like this that he really missed Ashley, and there were nights when he seriously thought about going to a bar and picking someone up – but he had to be discreet. He knew that he couldn't afford another slip-up. He was lucky that she had finally forgiven him for Ashley – she would never forgive him someone else.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Gabrielle asked dubiously.

"Why not? Its not like I stole the bloke's girlfriend."

Gabrielle frowned. She thought the comment somewhat tasteless, but let it slide. "Yeah, but only five people know that, and one of them's dead." She didn't know Rachel knew, and would have felt disappointed if she had. It wasn't something she could explain, but seeing how pally Jack and Rachel were bothered her a little. She missed the same palliness that they had once shared. "Don't you think it will look a little odd, the guy who supposedly stole his girlfriend suddenly all buddy-buddy with him?"

Steve shrugged. "He can only tell me where to stick it," he said disarmingly, and Gabrielle let him go with some reservations. But who knew, maybe they would actually hit it off. Frank wasn't pleased with the fact the two doctors had taken an instant dislike to one another, although Jack was barely seen in the ED anymore so it wasn't that much of an issue.

Steve found Jack at Cougars, moodily sipping a beer. He was on his third but it had done nothing to ease the pain that ached in his whole body. Travis was dead, and with him the only compassion he had known when it came to his tragic childhood. "This seat taken?" he asked.

"It's a free country."

Steve sat down. "Look, I just wanted to see if things are cool between us," he said. "You know, the business with Gabby and all that."

Jack shrugged, trying to feign apathy. "It wasn't like we were together," he said. He wished the older doctor would go away. He had no issue with Steve, other than the fact he questioned Gabrielle's judgement in seeing him, but he had no desire to spend time with the guy.

"I know... but you have to look like you were. And hey, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate what you did for her – not many blokes ar stand-up like that. It was good of you to take responsibility for what happened."

What, like you did? Jack wanted to ask, but he bit his tongue. No point in antagonising the man."What's the deal with you and Rachel?" Steve asked. "You seem pretty cosy."

"We're just mates. She's a sweet kid." God, why wouldn't he go away?

Steve started babbling about his surgical skills, asking him if he'd ever practiced medicine outside of Sydney. "You know, there are some Aboriginal settlements in Queensland which are worse than third-world situations," he said. "Someone with your talent could do a lot of good."

"Oh, why don't you leave me alone?" Jack finally snapped. He raked his hand through his hair when Steve looked taken aback. "Look, I know you mean well, but I'm really not in the mood for company right now," he said.

"Suit yourself," Steve said, and sauntered off in the direction of an attractive woman who was sitting alone. He decided to take the risk. After all, what was a little flirtation, and who was going to tell Gabrielle? Not Jack, the two of them had barely spoken in the past week.

Jack watched in disgust as Steve flirted with the woman at the bar, buying her a drink, draping his arm across her back... this was the guy she would rather be with? He was suddenly filled with hatred, and thought about texting Gabrielle to get over here so she could see what her beloved Steve was up to when her back was turned...

"Oh, there you are," a friendly female voice said, and Jack looked up to see Rachel standing there. "I was looking for you, I thought maybe you'd like some company. Unless you were heading out?"

She sounded disappointed, and he was flattered. He eyed her critically. The jeans and floral top she was wearing far better suited her figure than her uniform. "Nah, I'm heading home," he said. He glance her over again. She was attractive enough, and he suddenly didn't feel like being alone, so why not? "You could come with me," he suggested. "Keep me company."

"OK," she agreed, her heart soaring. She'd been hoping Jack would notice her outside of a professional capacity, and knowing that he and Gabrielle had never been together...

Giving one last look at Steve, who now had his hand on the woman's knee, Jack downed the last of is drink and stood up. He reached for Rachel's hand and threaded his fingers through hers. "You smell nice," he whispered.

"Thanks," she said, thrilled at the attention Jack was paying her. She snuggled up to him when he pulled her to his side.

She was a little disappointed when he didn't kiss her when they got to his car. He started the engine and pulled out of the carpark, heading for the drive-thru bottle-o. He really felt like several stiff drinks. "Vodka OK?" he asked. She nodded. "I can't remember the last time I kicked back with a mate over drinks. We don't keep any alcohol in the house 'cos of Dan's hep c."

"Must be hard."

"Whenever I go to have a whinge about not having beer on hand, I remind myself that it's much harder for him. It's all relative."

"You guys get along really well, don't you?" she asked, eager to learn about him.

"I suppose so. I've never gotten along all that well with men – it was kind of funny, 'cos my mentor before Mike was the first male mentor I had, and I'd been personally involved with most of the women who mentored me before Vincent, and I had no idea how I was supposed to act around him." Then he smiled wryly. "Sorry, that's probably not something I should be telling a girl I brought home with me."

"Jack, I figured out some time ago that you're not exactly a shiny Catholic virgin," she cracked. She felt a forbidden thrill that he'd referred to her as a girl he'd brought home with him, making it clear that he wanted more from her than just platonic company. And it was nice that he was trying to avoid hurting her feelings

"I know it's hard to believe, but I was actually both once," he said.

"You don't strike me as the Catholic type," she mused.

"I'm not. My stepmother was one of those hypocritical types that you only seem to find in Catholic or Baptist churches. I never thought much of religion, but especially not Catholicism. Used to date a former nun, too, was always shooting my mouth off and pissing her off."

Rachel laughed. "You're making that up."

"I'm not. Her name was Terri. She was the ward's NUM actually." He pulled into the drive of the house he shared with Dan and killed the engine. He opened her door for her and clicked on the immobiliser. "Home, sweet home," he said. There was no sign of Dan; Jack hoped that meant he was out for the night. Jack didn't feel like explaining why he had brought Rachel home with you.

"Who's the gamer?" she asked.

"Dan, although I've been known to beat him. The boy just can't think strategically."

"And I thought you knew nothing about popular culture."

"I actually never got into playstation until I moved in here. But anyway – " abruptly, he pulled her in for a kiss, so abruptly that for a few seconds she didn't realise what he was doing. He tasted like beer, which had an oddly masculine appeal. She melted against his body and was grateful to have his arms around her waist. She parted her lips to let his tongue in and sighed with pleasure when it met her own...

"No more talk about Dan or other women, OK?" he said when he pulled away after a minute of exploring the inside of her mouth. She nodded. He picked up the bottle of vodka and, taking her hand with his free one, led her to the kitchen. He pulled lemonade – something Dan and Erica had taken to drinking as if it were water – and two glasses out of the cupboard. "We'll go to my room," he said. "I don't think Dan will be back tonight but I don't care to be interrupted. Is that OK with you?"

"It's fine," she said, thinking it was sweet that he was concerned about moving too fast. She had the urge to tell him she'd never done something like this before, but didn't want to appear unsophisticated. "Whoa, do you have enough books?" she asked when she saw his collection. And not all of them medical books and journals, either. This was a well-read man. The thought impressed her and worried her that maybe she wasn't as well-read and sophisticated as her.

"That's actually what I've gotten around to collecting again since I moved here. Turns out paper's highly flammable."

"Huh?"

"Never mind." He sat on his bed and, with expert balance, poured two glasses of vodka ad lemonade, his quite hefty. Of course, Rachel wasn't to know that he had escaped from a house fire with almost nothing eighteen months ago, but it still made him feel suddenly lonely. She was a sweet kid, but she didn't know him at all. "Come sit down." He patted the bed next to him.

Rachel sat down next to Jack and accepted the glass. "You didn't strike me as a vodka drinker," she mused.

"I'm not usually. Vodka always gets me into trouble. But tonight I don't care." Recklessly, he down the glass and poured himself another. Rachel was a little alarmed but decided against saying anything. If he needed alcohol to numb his pain, fair enough.

He asked her about her life and she answered, not realising that he was mostly getting her to talk about herself and avoiding answering any questions about his own life. If she'd realised, she wouldn't have cared anyway, because she'd somehow ended up in his arms, sitting in front of him between his legs, her back against his chest. He was in exceptional shape, and she could feel the muscles in his chest against her back. She wished he would kiss her again and she wondered if she could be so bold as to kiss him, or if he would consider that too much.

She finished her drink, and he took the empty glass out of her hand, placing it on the dresser. "You're so pretty, you know that," he whispered huskily, planting little kisses along the back of her neck that made her shiver.

"I'm just average, Jack," she protested.

"Nuh-uh. You have this awesome aura that just shines." He nibbled on her ear and she bucked against him, restrained by his arms. "Tell me if I'm going too fast."

"It's perfect, Jack. Mmmm," she said when he moved to the side of her neck, sucking gently in a way that made her squirm. She blurted out, "Jack, I'm not too good at this. I don't have a lot of experience with men."

He chuckled softly. He found her lack of experience charming. She reminded him of Gabrielle. "I don't care," he said. He twisted around so he could push her down onto the bed so she was on her back and he was on his side next to her. "So pretty," he repeated, trailing his fingers down her arms. He raised his head to kiss her mouth, going back to what he'd started, exploring her mouth with his tongue. She threw her arms around his back and squirmed against him.

He moved again so he was properly on top of her. His hands roamed the upper half of her body, his body heat seeping through her shirt and she whimpered, craving the feel of bare skin against bare skin. "Jack," she cried out. He pushed his hands under her shirt, pushing it up to expose her skin, running his fingers along her torso, pushing the material up to just underneath her bra. He remembered how the last time he and Gabrielle had been together, she hadn't worn one. He reached behind her and fingered the clasp, gauging her reaction. She pressed her body against him, not protesting at what he obviously intended to do. He undid the clasp with practiced ease and ran his hands down her bare back for a few seconds before coming back around to push up the garment above her breasts, cupping them with one hand, pushing her shirt up with the other, kissing her everywhere he could manage...

... She was shorter than Gabrielle. Her body felt slightly out of sync with hers, there was a lack of familiarity that he missed. He kissed her even harder to make up for it, and she responded by bucking harder against him and running her hands through his hair...

... He let one hand wander down to her thigh and squeezed it. "Jack," she moaned. "Oh, God, I've wanted this from the first time we met..."

Jack raised his head. "What?" he asked quietly.

"I said I've wanted this from the first time we met," she repeated. She bit her lip when she saw concern in his eyes. "Did I say something wrong?"

He stared at her, thinking. He didn't want anything more from her than a mindless fuck, knew he didn't have the emotional strength to give her anything but hi friendship, and even that was an ask. And here she was, telling him she'd wanted him from day one. Which meant she had to have feelings for him – you didn't just lust after someone for weeks without developing feelings for them. He couldn't use her like that, not knowing how she felt about him.

He rolled onto his back. "I'm sorry, I can't do this," he said.

She felt incredibly self-conscious and blushing, she fumbled to get her bra clasped again. Jack could see in her body language that she was humiliated, and why wouldn't she be? He'd just put on the breaks after half-undressing her, losing interested after she had expressed hers in him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"You just lost interest in me after I told you I liked you, and you're sorry?" she asked bitterly. "Don't!" she said when he went to touch her. "What the hell is wrong with you? You only want to fuck someone who doesn't give a crap about you? Why didn't you just pick up some bimbo in a bar if that's all you wanted."

"That's exactly it," he admitted, feeling deeply ashamed of himself. Rachel was right, he should have just picked up someone in a bar. "I just wanted to feel good for a few hours. Believe me, I know what it's like to care about someone who's only interested in sex. I couldn't do that to you, it's humiliating the next day. If I'd known how you felt – I'm sorry, I'm a shit," he finished helplessly.

She could hear in his voice that he was about to start crying. He was drunk and grieving. He had humiliated her but whatever place he was coming from, it was a sad one. "No, you're not," she said. "I thought you knew."

"No."

"You still have feelings for her, don't you?" she asked, and he nodded. "Oh, Jack. Why don't you just tell her how you feel? You're worth ten of Steve."

"Try telling her that."

"Oh, come here." Her heart went out to him and she held out her arms to him, which he went into willingly. "I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't get the one I want and I can't be interested in this great kid in front of me."

"Enough with the kid, Jack," Rachel said ruefully. "I'm only a few years younger that you." But even as she said it, she knew there was a hardness to Jack that made him seem years older than he actually was.

"I keep screwing up," he said tearfully.

"I'm sure that's not true."

"It is," he insisted. "I've fucked up every relationship I've had." He thought about the way he'd treated Bianca, his relationship with Terri, Charlotte, Deanna and now Gabrielle.

She continued stroking his hair, aware that he was too lost in his grief-and-alcohol-induced haze to listen to any sense. She held him until he fell asleep then caught a taxi home. She had a feeling she didn't want to have to explain herself to Dan should she run into him in the morning. She showered thoroughly, convinced she reeked of vodka, and went to sleep thinking about how troubled he was and how it wasn't fair that he should have to deal with so much shit.

* * *

The next day, as luck would have it, the first person she saw was Steve. "Enjoy your night with Jack?" he asked crassly, inwardly thinking, the hypocrite. Making this big show of being upset about Gabrielle yet going of with someone who was only passably attractive at the first opportunity.

"We did, thanks," Rachel said through gritted teeth, wanting to call Steve on the fact that both she and Jack had seen him hitting on another woman. No way would he ever believe that she and Jack had just talked and that she had comforted him, and that he'd had too much honour to sleep with her when he'd realised it would mean more to her than just a one-nighter. No, men like Steve didn't understand things like that.

They got into the ED. When Jack arrived, he flashed her a small, grateful smile and she thought about how vulnerable he looked. It couldn't be easy for him to have to work with both Steve an Gabrielle, and she wondered what Mike was thinking sending him down here.

Steve was in a surly mood because he'd drunk too much, and his latest conquest had turned out to be as unenthusiastic in bed as Gabrielle as. After all, if he was jeopardising his relationship, at least he could be doing it with someone who actually knew what they were doing. And Jack was in a surly mood at Steve for the way he'd so shamelessly chased after that other woman. Well, if Gabrielle lacked the good sense that she would date such a jerk, then she got what she deserved. He frowned. He couldn't bring himself to wish that upon her. After last night's disaster could hardly deny that she he still had feelings for her.

Gabrielle watched the two men's tempers simmer away until she finally snapped, "I don't care what you two _boys_ got up to last night, but whatever it is, sort it out."

Jack looked at Gabrielle blankly. "What are you talking about?" he asked, wondering what rubbish Steve had told her.

"Well you _were_ out til all hours of the morning drinking and doing God knows what, weren't you?" she asked.

"No," Jack said indignantly. As if he'd spent a night boozing it up with Steve Taylor.

"Jack was with me," Rachel said before Jack could give her a warning look about keeping quiet about that little detail. Going around advertising the fact she'd spent the night with him wasn't a smart idea but she didn't care.

Gabrielle stared first at Rachel, then Jack, then Steve. She didn't doubt Rachel's story, and it was a knife in the heart to know it. Not that Jack owed her anything, and if Rachel could make him happy... she observed Steve coldly. He had _lied_ to her. Gabrielle had no doubt that Steve had spent the night boozing it up with _someone_... but he had lied to her about it, and when it came to Steve, alcohol and lying were never a good combination.

"Gabby, please, I can explain..." he started to say.

"What, had time to work on your story, have you?" she snapped. The double shock of discovering Jack had spent the night with Rachel and Steve had lied to her about hanging out with Jack all night. She felt doubly betrayed, even though Jack hadn't actually done anything to betray her.

"Please..." and then Steve blurted out his prepared story about how he'd gotten really drunk and hadn't been able to find a taxi and hadn't wanted to wake her up and call her and...

Gabrielle was deeply hurt by Steve's apparent disregard for her feelings... but she couldn't deny that she still loved him and the idea of breaking up with him so soon after they had gotten together, so soon after she had lost jack – pride kicked in. She couldn't bear the knowing looks from people who'd say they always knew she and Steve would never last... it was one little slip-up, the actions of a man who'd had a bad day. She couldn't hold that against him. Not the first time at least.

"If you ever do it again..." she said warningly.

"Of course. You know I'd rather die than lose you." He said, embracing her and vowing to never screw up like this again. Gabrielle could forgive him for getting drunk and not calling, but if she ever found out about the woman at the bar...

Gabrielle allowed herself to be embraced, willing to feel the dame warmth and safety she had once felt in his arms... that she had felt in Jack's mere weeks ago. It was just teething problems, she told herself. You couldn't expect for two people to be reunited after so many years and things to go straight back to how they used to be.

She decided to give it time.

* * *

"You shouldn't have told Gabrielle about us," Jack said later at Cougars, mulling over his beer. "You'll just get yourself talked about, and we didn't even do anything."

Rachel shrugged. "I don't care, I can handle myself. Besides... I'm sure you'll break a few noses if someone talks shit about me." Jack poked his tongue out at her. "How are you doing?"

"I've had better days. I just... I can't believe he's gone. I didn't even like him that much when we first met."

"I meant Gabrielle."

"I know. I was trying to avoid answering. I could have throttled him for the way he tried to use me to cover his ass. I _know_ he spent the night with that woman, I just know it."

"Why don't you tell her?"

"Is it any of my business?"

"Don't answer a question with a question. Jack."

He sighed. "I don't know," he admitted. "I'd want to know if I was her – but I didn't think _I'd_ believe her if the situation were reversed. I mean, an ex blabbing about the current guy?"

"You're not her ex, Jack. You're just a mate."

"She knows how I feel about her, Rach. It amounts to the same thing, I want to discredit Steve and she knows it. _I_ wouldn't listen to her if I was her."

She stroked his face gently, and he didn't pull away. "Take care of yourself, OK? Don't let this drag you down. I'm here if you want to talk. We're mates, yeah?"

"Yeah," he said. God, he wished he could care about her the way she wanted him to. It would make everything so much less complicated.

* * *

He'd been watching her for half an hour. She was dressed up and sitting alone, twirling her dark brown hair around in her fingers nervously. Either she was waiting for someone and had been stood up... or she had come by herself, hoping that maybe someone would pay her attention.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked her, coming up to her.

She looked at him. The first thing she noticed was that he had a nice smile. And he was nicely dressed – not too expensive or showy, but he was a man who knew how to dress that complimented his figure. He didn't seem like the type to prey on women. She decided to let him buy her a drink. "I'll just have a vodka and lemonade."

He gestured towards the barman, Paul, who he had once been on good terms with from all the times he and Dan used to kick back here after work. He missed hanging out with the nurse. "Two vodka and lemonades," he said. Screw it, he felt like a spirit hit tonight.

Impulsively, she grabbed his hand. "I don't meet many men who keep their hands in such good condition," she said.

Jack shrugged. "I'm a surgeon, it doesn't inspire a huge amount of trust in my patients if I have calluses and split nails... even though that doesn't actually affect my ability to hold a scalpel," he added ruefully. There was that smile again. He was definitely attractive, she thought, far more so than her husband... and had nicer manners. She couldn't remember the last time Trevor had been sweet towards her. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt Trevor still found her attractive.

"Surgeon, huh?" she asked. "That must have taken you years to achieve."

"I enjoy it. I'm a trauma surgeon, put people back together after car accidents and stuff, and when you beat the odds like that – it's incredible to think that you were part of bringing someone back from the edge." Of course, it wasn't nearly as rewarding when you didn't beat the odds, like that multiple MVA they'd had a few weeks ago... What do you do?"

She explained that she was a social worker, mostly liaising with battered women and their children. "God, you wouldn't believe some of the people we get in," Jack said. "I always thought it must suck to be on your end of things – all we have to do is patch them up and send them on their way, you actually have to follow up on them, see it through to the end."

She smiled. It was good to talk to someone who appreciated what she did – these days, Trevor barely had a kind word to say about the job that took up so much of her time. They ended up talking for a while, and she found herself enjoying his company. She loved the way he smiled at her, loved the way he seemed so interested in her...

"You just moved here?" Jack asked after a while.

"No, why?" Mercedes asked.

"'Cos this is my stomping ground and I've never seen you before – not here or anywhere around here."

"That's very astute of you."

"I'm good at remembering people."

She wondered if Trevor would have been so astute, and decided no. He was always too busy with his own work. "I just felt like a change," she said. "Everything at home is so much the same that it's... _stifling_. I just wanted to try something different."

Jack nodded understandingly. He knew all about wanting to get away from it all, even if it _was_ just to a p8ub a few suburbs away rather than your local haunt. He liked her, he decided. "What's this?" he asked, grabbing her hand when he noticed the tan line on her ring finger.

She pulled her hand away from him. _Damn_. But of course, he was so astute that he _would_ notice something like that. "Separated," she lied, looking away from him.

He felt awful for making her feel bad. It couldn't have been easy to end a marriage, and he had gone and put his foot in it by reminding her of that. It made him feel even more solicitous towards her. He cupped her face gently. "I didn't mean to pry," he said.

She laughed hollowly. If only he knew! But then, he was just a guy, and she had known what he was after when he'd first approached her. It wasn't like he _wanted_ anything more from her, and what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him... besides, she was having fun, more than she'd had in as long as she could remember... she decided to throw caution to the wind. "It's OK," she said. "Look. Why don't we get out of here?" she suggested shyly. She wasn't exactly an expert at this stuff. "Say... back to your place?"

He put his drink down. He had known this was coming, but she was bolder than he had expected about it. Still, who cared? It was clear she wanted no strings from him, just an anonymous hook-up. She'd probably be gone before he woke up, which made him feel a little disappointed. Not that he wanted anything more from her, but he missed waking up next to someone and indulging in morning cuddles.

"Sure," he said. He stood up and fished his keys out of his pocket. He grabbed her hand. "Let's go."

* * *

"Uh, Jack, that girl you brought home last night. She's in the ED."

Jack groaned. He couldn't remember telling Mercedes where he worked, although it could have come up in conversation. Either way, he didn't feel like seeing her. Last night hadn't given him the release he'd wanted, the satisfaction of a purely physical encounter. He just felt empty now... and surprisingly used, even though_ he_ had been the one to initiate contact. And the way Dan was looking at him didn't help, either. He knew exactly what his housemate was thinking; only a few weeks after Gabrielle and first Rachel, now a stranger. And he hadn't even had the taste to choose someone who wouldn't show up to the hospital the next morning. Well, it was none of his goodamn business. "Tell her... tell her I'm in surgery," he said, returning to his moody staring at the wall.

Dan cringed. "I don't think she's in the mood for talking," he said. Jack looked at him blankly. The way Jack had completely lost interest in life since Gabrielle had defected to Steve frightened Dan almost as much as the extent of Mercedes's injuries. He was trying to bottle up his feelings and use sex as a substitute... and it clearly wasn't working. "It looks like she's been bashed," Dan explained.

Jack sat up. "What?" he asked. She'd only left his bed a few hours ago; he'd slept really badly and had registered when she'd gotten up and left. How did she managed to get bashed up in such a short period of time.

"Yeah... it looks like someone's taken to her with a cricket bat or something. She seemed to recognise me, but played dumb."

Jack couldn't stand any kind of violence, but to have it done to someone as petite as Mercedes... there was something sickening about someone hurting someone smaller then they were, and to use a weapon on top of that... "Should I go down there?" he asked feeling helpless, wondering if their night together had anything to do with it. Maybe her estranged husband had found out about it.

"I don't think you should do anything right now," Dan said.

Jack glared at him. "Then you shouldn't have bloody said anything," he snapped, and went back to his position staring blankly at the wall. Dan left quietly, his heart aching for his friend, and Jack's thoughts ran a mile a minute. He couldn't believe the woman who had left his bed mere hours before was in such a state, and in _his_ hospital. No matter what Dan had said, he had to see her.

In the ED, Rachel, Gabrielle and Von had been assigned to Mercedes, who kept insisting that it had been her infidelity that had enraged her husband to bash her up. Listening to her, Rachel was appalled. Bad enough that her husband felt entitled to do something like this – worse that Mercedes actually felt like she was too blame. "I don't know what came over me," she cried. "I've just been so lonely so I decided to go to a bar... and he had the nicest smile..." What had seemed perfectly right in the bar, in Jack's bed now felt dirty and wrong.

"You were vulnerable, some guys can sense that," Rachel said. Mercedes stared out blankly to nowhere in particular. She remembered lying to Jack about her single status. She wondered if she'd just admitted she was married, maybe that would have put him off, maybe that would have been enough to bring her to her senses... Rachel picked up a bruised wrist. "Did he do this?" she asked, for some reason she couldn't explain thinking of someone else who she knew could be very aggressive...

... Jack appeared at the edge of the curtain. "Can I, uh, speak to the patient?" he asked awkwardly.

"You!" she said, completely shocked that it was Jack, of all people, standing at her bed. The memories of their night together flooded back. Their night together – Trevor's fury when she'd come home in the morning, dishevelled and obviously having been with someone else... she shivered. "I didn't realise you worked here."

"I told you I was a surgeon," he said helplessly. He knew Rachel was staring at him. "Can we have a moment?" he asked quietly. He knew she was looking at him with contempt. Rachel left and he pulled up the chair next to her bed. "You told me you were separated," he said quietly, accusingly.

"I didn't expect it to turn out like this," she said. "Besides, what does it matter? It's not your fault."

She didn't see his fists, clenched in his lap. "My dad screwed around something chronic," he told her. "You know those scars on my back?" she nodded. "My step-mother hated me because I represented my dad's infidelity – I'm the result of him and a one-nighter with a barmaid. I saw the way his screwing around affected everyone in my family. My step-mother is a lush, my dad still screws around and my brothers cheat on their wives. I promised myself that was a line I would never cross – not with my own spouse, not with anyone else's."

She remembered feeling the scars on Jack's back, and wondering who had done that to him. She felt guilty, even guiltier than she had for cheating on Trevor. Trevor was at least a jerk, but Jack seemed like a decent guy with principles. "I'm sorry," she said.

He looked at her and realised her lie meant little in the fact of what she had actually suffered. "I'll get over it," he said. "How are you?"

"Dumb question."

He thought about stroking her cheek, but given the condition both were in, he reached for her fingers again. He saw the bruises he had left on her wrists... he hadn't held her _that_ tightly, had he? "I'm sorry," he said. "I wish things could have been better."

"Me too," she said.

He left Mercedes's cubicle to face Rachel, questioning, judging. "I don't want to talk," he snapped. He walked out, not realising she had heard what he had said about his family and his scars. So much more about him made sense. He had been deprived of love all his life and then he'd started falling for Gabrielle, only to have that turn to dust...

She gave him time, then found him in his usual brooding place by the lake. "I told you I didn't want to talk about it."

"We don't have to talk. I just figured you could do with the company."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before he said ruefully, "You did tell me I'd be better off picking up someone in a bar."

She had to laugh at the retrospective stupidity of the suggestion. "Sorry," she said.

"I _asked_ her about the tan line on her finger," he said, circling his ring finger to demonstrate his meaning. "God, why couldn't she just have told me the truth? I wouldn't have touched her if I'd known she was married."

She touched his arm tentatively. He didn't throw her off, so she curled her fingers around it. "I know. Jack, you can't blame yourself."

"I try telling myself that... but I keep seeing her lying on that bed and thinking I'm to blame for it... maybe if I'd just taken her home her husband would have been none the wiser."

"And maybe she would have just moved onto someone else and he still would have found out and beat the crap out of her," she countered. "Jack, I like to think I know you better than most and I know you're a decent person. Not many men would have stopped like you did when they found out how I felt about them. Not many men would feel awful over the consequences of someone else's lies." She was silent for a few seconds. "Did your dad really screw around like you said?" she asked. Jack nodded slightly. She wanted to hug him but knew he would throw her off then. "You're not responsible for other people's actions, Jack," she told him. "Not your dad or step-mum's, not Mercedes's or her husband."

He shoved his fisted hands into his pockets. "I feel like I just keep screwing things up," he said. "I can't even get laid without something horrible happening."

"Then stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. What is it you want out of life?"

"To be happy, I guess. To not feel so awful and upset about everything."

"Then work out how to achieve that. Focus on making your life better and not feeling so awful and upset all the time. You're a good person, Jack, and you deserve better than to be feeling like crap." She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. He accepted it passively, which she hoped meant he was taking on board what she said.

She wondered later if he had heard any of it, or if he was actually doing the right thing, when she heard from Frank that he had quit.


	9. Chapter 9

"Get those motherfucking snakes of my motherfucking plane!"

Gabrielle cringed. She had forgotten just how lowbrow Steve's taste in movies was. Well, at least it wasn't porn, she supposed.

She was bored and restless. She was surprised at just how much she missed Jack. He had made her laugh, made her feel safe, opened her mind in the same way he had opened her heart and made her feel safe... and sexy.

Steve made her feel neither, she had to admit. She constantly felt jittery around him, always wondering what he was really thinking. That, and Rachel's comment bothered her. It was public knowledge that she and Jack still saw each other socially, and one day, when Gabrielle had asked about it, Rachel, who knew better than most how badly Jack was hurting, had thrown in her face that Jack just wanted the company of someone who cared about him, not someone who would leave him for someone who wasn't good enough to open doors for Jack.

"Steve isn't as bad as you think he is," Gabrielle had tried to defend him.

"Yeah, he is," Rachel countered. "Jack and I saw him feeling up some other woman the night Travis died, after Jack told him to rack off. He had too much damn honour to say anything – but I sure as hell don't."

She had confronted Steve, naturally, and naturally Steve had denied it. "Everyone knows how totally in love with him she is, and how in love with you _he_ is," he argued. "She'd say anything just to unsettle you." In her gut, Gabrielle trusted Rachel's version of events more than she did Steve's... but Steve was her boyfriend, didn't he deserve the benefit of the doubt? So she had let it go, or tried to. But the nagging feeling wouldn't leave her.

She was so sick of watching stupid action movies with Steve. Sick of having him think his idea of a good night was a carton of beers and bad movies. Sick of letting her mind grow idle in her free time. God, she missed watching DVDs with him and him making her laugh and think...

Steve had his hand on her knee and was moving it up. She pushed it away when it got to her thigh. "Wassamatter?" he asked drunkenly.

"What's the matter is that you're drunk and I don't appreciate it. You know how I feel about... this kind of behaviour."

"What kind of behaviour? Actually being hot for my girlfriend?" he asked. He didn't take his hand off her thigh, and tried to kiss her. She cringed at the taste of beer on his breath.

"Don't, Steve. You know how I feel." The fact was, Steve's touch always left her cold. She had never truly gotten over Parker's assault on her. And Steve didn't know how to make her feel at ease, not the way Jack did...

"About what? You don't want sex, you don't want me to touch you. You kiss like a thirteen-year-old. Bet you weren't so cold to Quade," he said.

"You know nothing about my relationship with Jack."

"Ah, so now it's a relationship?" he asked.

"Of course it was a relationship. He was a good friend."

Through his drunkenness, rage and jealousy coursed his body. She had really cared about him – maybe she had even loved him. He should have known it. The way she spoke about him – she was fond of him... maybe she even cared about him more than she did himself. "You expect me to believe you spent all that time alone with him and nothing happened?"

"Yes," she said. She wondered if Steve suspected the night they had shared together, or if he was just being mean in his drunken state. Her mind flashed back to that night, the way he had been rough and gentle, demanding and giving, controlling and vulnerable at the same time, all the while making her feel loved and respected and sexy...

Steve watched her eyes lose focus as she recalled... _something_. There _had _been something more to it then one frantic tryst and a few faked kisses, he knew it. And the idea of anyone else with her made him sick with jealous. He grabbed her roughly and kissed her even more roughly, forcing his tongue into her mouth. By God, she was his girlfriend and she would give him the same favours she had bestowed upon Jack bloody Quade.

Gabrielle struggled to pull away, but Steve held her tight. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded when she broke free of his unwanted kiss. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. He tasted like beer, and she remembered how Jack almost always tasted like either toothpaste of expensive coffee.

There she was again, thinking about _him_. "I have rights," he said childishly. "I'm a man, and I have needs."

"You're not much of a man if you think like that," she shot back. She was certain now that Rachel had been telling the truth, that Steve _had_ been with another woman that night he had claimed to be out with Jack til all hours of the morning. Guiltily, she remembered telling Rachel to mind her own business and not to spread rumours about her superiors. She remembered the look of resentment that had crossed her face, and realised now that instead of it being the look of a child who has been told not to gossip, it was the look of a woman who resented her and Jack's integrity being question in favour of a liar, a drunk and a two-timer. _Oh, God, she'd gotten it all wrong_. "Just leave me the hell alone, Steve," she spat.

Her words enraged him. She was avoiding answering him, he knew it. So she _had_ slept with him more then once, catering to that prick's needs... and now she was denying _him_ his needs. Quick as a flash – remarkably so, given how drunk he was – he was on his feet and grabbed her. "I'm your boyfriend, I have rights," he repeated, and kissed her hard, backing her against the wall roughly.

She tried to push him away, but drunk and unco-ordinated as he was, he was still stronger than her. She could feel the taste of beer on his breath and was reminded again that Jack rarely tasted of anything but toothpaste and coffee. She felt Steve's weight pressed awkwardly against hers like a deadweight, and wondered if he had always been this rough and unbalanced and Jack just had a knack of keeping his weight on his knees instead of crushing her, or the alcohol was bringing it out in Steve. She shivered with revulsion when she felt his hands pinning her wrists down, groping her, and cried out for him to stop. He ignored her, or mistook her cries for pleasure, but either way, he didn't stop, and she wanted to throw up. She couldn't believe this was happening to her again. Steve wasn't seeing her as a woman, a person with feelings, he was seeing her as a _thing, _a thing that provided sex that could be demanded and taken with no consideration and with ruthless determination. What was it about her that gave men the impression she was a piece of meat to be handled and consumed any way they saw fit? "Stop!" she screamed, and when he tried to kiss her again, she simultaneously bit down on his neck and brought her knee up between her neck as hard as she could.

Steve staggered back, howling with pain. "You fucking frigid _bitch_!"he screamed, and before he'd thought about it, he'd clenched his hand into a fist and delivered an impressive right hook which was even more impressive given how drunk he was. It landed squarely on the side of her face, hitting her nose, mouth and cheek.

Gabrielle felt a warm trickle down her face and knew her nose was bleeding. For a second, she could only stare in horror at what Steve had done. Steve himself was horrified. What had started off as an attempt to seduce his girlfriend had ended up with him assaulting her. Instantly, all the aggression in him was gone, but it was too late. "Oh, God, babe, I'm so sorry," he said.

He took a step towards her, and she took two back, her hands held out in front of her defensively. "Get out!" she screamed.

He was slow to catch onto the message. "I'm sorry. Let me – " he went to reach out for herm to assess how bad the damage was. He hadn't hit her _that_ hard, had he? OK, hard enough to make her nose bleed but he hadn't broken any bones – he was sure of that.

She flinched violently when he tried to touch her. "Get the fuck out of my house!" she screamed. "If you come near me again, I'll kill you! I'll tell Jack, and you'll _wish_ he'd kill you!"

Steve panicked at the threat. He had no doubt Jack would hunt him down if he ever gave Gabrielle reason to ask him to. He bolted out of the house and into the night.

Watching him go, Gabrielle started to shake with terror, now that the original rush of anger was over. It hit her hard that Steve had thought nothing of trying to force himself onto her, of punching her when she'd had to hurt him to make him stop... this was _Steve_, a man she had known since she'd been a kid. Steve, who she had chosen over Jack because she had been so convinced that he was a changed man and Jack wasn't interested in her. Boy, did she have the lousiest judgement in the world when it came to men. She started to cry, feeling very alone in the world.

Finally composing herself, she reached for her phone. Despite all that had happened between them, she was sure Jack would be there for her...

... Rachel was sitting on the couch, trying to make sense of _War and Peace_ while Jack had a shower. It turned out they both loved Thai food so he was taking her out to a restaurant that had just opened. They had been spending a lot of time together since he had quite the hospital. She was worried about him, but he seemed to enjoy his company, and even Dan had said that she got him out of the house, so she took that to mean she was a good influence on him.

She frowned. Unlike Gabrielle. She just didn't understand the older woman's stubborn determination to believe the best in Steve. The guy was a royal jerk. She knew Steve disliked her for blabbing about the other woman, and between the two of them, she was thinking that it was time to move on, although she _did_ really enjoy working at All Saints – even with Frank Campion running the ED.

Jack's mobile phone went off, startling her out of her attempts to make sense of the book. She picked it up and glanced at the caller ID. Her frown deepened. What did _she_ want? Checking to make sure the shower was still going, she clicked on _answer_. "Hello?" she asked, in her best voice to indicate that she had no idea who the caller was on account that Jack had deleted her from his contact list.

Gabrielle's heart sank. She would know Rachel's voice anywhere – she had spent enough time wondering just how close she and Jack were, going so far as to once strain to overhear their conversation when he'd picked her up 'cos he needed a date to make an otherwise painfully boring university function for his sister more bearable. _University function!_ How the hell had Rachel managed _that_ one? Everyone knew Rebecca had zero tolerance of any woman in Jack's life. "Hi, it's Gabrielle," she said stiffly, trying not to start crying again. Like hell she was going to let a subordinate hear her cry. "Is Jack there?"

"He's in the shower," she asked with a poisoned sweetness that could have rivalled Rebecca's. "Can I take a message?"

Gabrielle's heart sank even lower. If he was in the shower, that meant they had plans to go out. On a date, she would assume. She couldn't bother Jack with her problems now. "No, it's OK," she said, and hung up the phone before she started crying again.

Rachel put the phone back in its position on the table. Well, she had said there was no message, so what reason was there for tell Jack she had called? It would only upset him, anyway. And it wasn't likely Jack would go through his call log and find a received call from her. She decided it was best for everyone not to say anything.

A few minutes later, Jack was ready. She smiled when she saw him. There was something about the way he dressed that she loved – it wasn't that his clothes were super-expensive, but that, unlike a lot of men (ie, Dan) he had an instinct about what suited him and what didn't, better than most women. And he looked adorable when his hair was still damp and spiky. "You ready?" he asked, which was a bit stupid, because _he_ was the one who had held them up with a shower after the gym. At that thought, her eyes drifted quickly over his body. She knew he hated people staring at him, but she also knew how deceptively well-built he was, and she could never resist a quick peek.

"Yep," she said, and closed the book. At least she wasn't stuck trying to read it anymore. She really wanted to be part of Jack's life, but sometimes his taste left a lot to be desired...

... Gabrielle sank to the floor after hanging up the phone. So it was true, they _were_ dating. She wanted to cry, but fought back the tears. Crying wouldn't achieve anything and she didn't know when Steve would get bored of charging around the neighbourhood drunkenly – he hadn't taken his car – and come back. She had to get out of the house...

... Half an hour later Charlotte opened the doo to her house to find a very distraught-looking Gabrielle on her doorstep. "My God..." she breathed. She looked awful. Whoever had hit her had done a thorough job, and on top of that, she had obviously been crying. "Come in."

"I'm sorry, but i didn't know where else to go. I was scared Steve would come back and I didn't want to be there when he did."

For some reason, it didn't surprise Charlotte that Steve had been the one who had done this. There was something about the that guy gave her the creeps. Maybe it was just the way he had continually thrown their relationship in Jack's face, maybe the fact he seemed to have an extremely wandering eye, which Gabrielle seemed determined to ignore.

And one other thing. Charlotte noted that Gabrielle said nothing about Jack. Given their history, given how good Jack was at calming her down, shouldn't she have called him? Well, that wasn't her first concern. "It's fine. Take a seat." Gabrielle sat, and Charlotte pulled her icepack out of the freezer – though she doubted it would do much now, that bruise looked at least an hour old – and her first-aid out from under the kitchen sink. On further thought, she pulled out the ingredients for one of Rebecca Rowe's legendary cocktails. Gabrielle definitely needed something to calm her down. But first thing was first. "Did he do anything but hit you?" Charlotte asked, trying to keep her voice as sympathetic as she could. She better appreciated how hard it must have been for jack to keep his temper in check when it had come to Gabrielle – any man who would do this, let alone to someone significantly smaller then them, deserved to be shot.

Gabrielle shook her head, and found herself telling Charlotte everything that had happened. "He's always been – I mean, he's always tried to push the issue, but he's never been like this. He just snapped." She stared off into space, thinking about Steve's words. He had been wrong, she knew that intellectually, but she wondered if there was some truth to them. She knew Jack had been constantly frustrated by her holding him at arm's length, too. Of course, Jack was far more of a gentleman than Steve was, but still, had it been reasonable of her to expect Steve to just wait and wait and wait?

"Yes," Charlotte said bluntly. "If even _Bart_ could cotton onto how skittish you were about being touched, then surely someone who purported to care about you as girlfriend could work it out. Look, I remember seeing you with Jack, I always knew he was a total sweetheart with women but with you he just seemed to outdo himself I know that's just Jack being Jack, but it's also common bloody sense and Steve shouldn't assume it didn't affect you in anyway, let alone be so entitled that he thinks it's OK to behave like that... even drunk. Look, why don't I cal l Jack? He'll want to know."

"I already did. He and Rachel are on a date."

Charlotte was surprised. He knew Jack and Rachel were pally – approved of it actually, because Rachel was sweet but at the same time strong enough to stand up to Rebecca, and God knew Jack needed plenty such people in his life – but didn't think there was anything more to it than friendship, despite what gossip said. Jack just didn't look at her the way he had Gabrielle, and any romantic feelings were entirely on Rachel's side. "He said that?" she asked.

"Rachel did. She answered his phone."

Privately, Charlotte wouldn't have put it passed Rachel to have lied, or at least been creative with the truth, both out of a sincere desire to protect Jack as well as a more selfish one to keep him for herself. But no point in telling Gabrielle that. "You need to rest," she said. "And tomorrow, we'll see about filing an assault charge and getting an AVO." Though she doubted Steve would be back. He and Frank had already had words and men like Steve ran away from their responsibilities and problems, rather than dealing with them. Not that seeing the last of Steve would be much comfort for Gabrielle's shattered nerves and heart.

* * *

Jack rushed to the hospital with far more efficiency than he had done when he was a registrar, a fact that wasn't lost on Mike or Frank. Mary, his former landlady and a woman who had been more of a mother to him than his own mother or step-mother, was seriously ill. Suddenly, he felt guilty for all the neglect he had treated her with the last four months. It was just that everything had gotten in the way – first Patrick, then Travis, then Gabrielle, then Steve, then Patrick and Travis again until he felt there was no way he could face Mary without her being able to see how unhappy he was with his life.

And he was unhappy, despite the effort his friends, Dan and Rachel especially, were going to in order to keep him distracted. And he loved them for it, but it couldn't stop the ache in his heart whenever he thought of Travis or Gabrielle – and he thought about them a _lot_.

But all thoughts of Travis and Gabrielle had flown from his mind when he had gotten the call from Dan that Mary was back in hospital. He rushed to the hospital like a madman, and all but snatched Mary's medical records from Frank's hands, despite the fact that since he was no longer employed at the hospital, he had no right to see them. What's more, because he was merely 'a friend', he had no next-of-kin rights either. Well, screw that. He had been a much better son to Mary than her own had been, like she had been a much better mother to _him_, and Frank had another think coming if he thought Jack had no rights.

Frank had tried to bargain with Jack, admit why he had abruptly quite medicine and he could look at the records. Jack had easily circumvented the older doctor, but Mary was a whole other story. She knew him far better than Frank did, far better than anyone ever had – except maybe Gabrielle. She knew better than to accept 'I just didn't feel like it anymore' as an excuse for throwing away the one thing that could make him smile through exhaustion and frustration. She knew something had gone tragically wrong in his life if he hadn't come to see her in almost half a year.

So Jack found himself recounting everything that had happened, starting from when he'd been eighteen-months-old and his step-mother had hated him on sight and belted him for whatever she could think of, from when he'd been twelve and met the most awesome man in the world who paid him far more attention and encouragement then his father, from when he'd been thirteen and that man had turned on him, hurting and humiliating him with brutality that even his step-mother hadn't been capable of. From when, ten years after he'd left his working-class roots for a scholarship at one of the best universities in the country, that man had appeared back in his life. To Travis tracking hi down and his relationship with Gabrielle – he had thought he could make her love him if only he paid her enough attention, treated her with respect and consideration. To finally, Gabrielle's 'leaving' him for her ex and Travis's death and the disaster with Mercedes... "I just keep screwing stuff up," he finished, "and I took no joy out of anything I did."

"And are you happy now?" she asked, getting straight to the heart of the issue. He thought about lying to her, then realised he would never get away with it. Like any good mother, she knew his body language too well. He shook his head slowly. "I used to remember how you'd come home in that awful piece of junk of yours, and sometimes you'd be dead on your feet but you were always so happy, so driven – i never saw anyone love what they did the way you do."

"But I don't feel that way about surgery anymore," he insisted. "I'm not sure I ever did."

"Then find something other than surgery," she said crossly. "Really, Jack, you give up too easily. And as for this girl – I'm sure you're worth ten of this other guy."

"You've never met him." But Jack found Mary's words more soothing than Dan's or Rachel's had been – maybe because Mary had known him for so long... he wished now that he had told her about Gabrielle from the beginning. Maybe she would have had some good maternal advice. Actually, he wished now that he had told her about everything from the beginning.

He saw her up to surgery with his mind full of ideas. He actually felt less sluggish then he had in weeks and weeks – since long before he had quit. It was only then that he noticed how chaotic the ward was, even by the standards of a major Sydney hospital, and he asked Bart what the hell was going on. "No-one has any idea where Steve and Gabrielle are," Bart grumbled. "Except that Steve quit."

Jack wasn't surprised to hear that Steve had quit; he was the kind of man that burned his bridges quickly and spectacularly – he had probably quit two minutes before Frank could fire him. But Gabrielle... had she gone with him? He couldn't believe she would be so reckless about her future. Tying her career to a lying, womanising boozer was not the intelligent, insightful woman he knew.

But it opened a door for his own career.

He found Frank and expressed his interest in going back to the ED. Mary's words and rattled him, and he was beginning to realise she was right – he had always loved medicine, never more then when he could see people's treatment through to the end. You didn't get that with surgery. Sure, you got to do the pre-surgery consult, but after that, they were just a piece of meat. No human interaction. He missed actually getting to know his patients, he missed the humanity of healing.

Frank was doubtful, but he was also desperate. "What about Steve and Gabrielle?" he asked.

"Rumour has it that Steve quit and Gabrielle left with him."

"Rumour is slightly askew." He knew, of course, that Gabrielle had taken time off because she looked even worse than she had when Parker had assaulted her, and her nerves were even more frayed as well. He was sorely tempted to tell Jack about it, agreeing with Charlotte's opinion that Jack had always known the right thing to do around Gabrielle. But Gabrielle had threatened to quit if he said anything, and Frank had no doubt that the woman was proud and stubborn enough to go through with it. "Steve has quit, but you'll have to deal with Gabrielle eventually," was all he would confirm.

Jack shrugged. "Gabrielle and I were never together," he said, as casually as if he were talking about the weather. It was hard to shock Frank but Jack managed to do it. They had been so believable, had such chemistry and affection for one another, and no-one ever thinks that maybe two people are just pretending to be together... but it made sense that Jack had seemed far more indifferent to Gabrielle and Steve's getting together than was to be expected of someone as passionate as Jack. And it made sense as to why Mike kept sending him down to the ED – anyone who knew Jack would never have let him get within striking distance of the man his ex had left him for... unless that person knew they had never been together in a true sense for her to have left him.

In the end, Frank made Jack agree to get counselling, and even wrote up a contract with a codicil that he see said counsellor once a week. It wasn't exactly legally binding, but just so long as Jack _thought_ it was...

Jack left wondering how he felt about Gabrielle... and how he'd feel when he saw her again... _if_ he saw her again...

* * *

"Thanks for everything, Char, but i can't hide here forever," Gabrielle told Charlotte later that day. Charlotte hadn't told Gabrielle that jack was returning to the ED. She herself wouldn't be returning for some time, until her face healed enough that she could sufficiently cover it with makeup, so why burden her with the news when she was still in such a fragile state?

"I really think you should see a counsellor," Charlotte said. "Or at least talk to Jack. You guys were so good together and he'd take you back in a heartbeat."

_Why, so he can do his knight-in-shining-armour thing again_? Gabrielle wanted to ask Charlotte. But then, Charlotte thought they had actually been together, and not just pretended so Jack could do the right thing by her. "Things were a lot more complicated than people realised," she said enigmatically. "Believe me, it wouldn't work. If he just came back, it would be out of obligation, and I'd rather deal with this on my own."

The woman's pride and stubbornness was frustrating sometimes. Charlotte knew Jack would never do something as major as commit to someone out of sheer relationship. In this regard, she was more on the money then Gabrielle, because Jack had been using obligation as a smokescreen for what he had really wanted – a committed relationship. "Are you sure you're going to be alright?" Charlotte asked.

Gabrielle smiled as best as she could. One side of her face hurt. "I changed the locks, got security glass for the windows, filed a complaint and got an AVO out. I even send copies of the documents and the receipts to his dad's place," she added, with a hint of her old feisty smile. If he ever showed his face back home, there would be hell to pay.

So she left Charlotte's after a week of sanctuary there, knowing that as much as she had loved the older woman's company, not to mention that Zach was the most adorable little boy, she couldn't hide there forever. She returned to her own home, and was instantly struck by how empty and uninviting it looked. She was used to being alone, but it was different now. For a few weeks, she had enjoyed Jack's attentiveness and affection, and it wasn't until she returned home that she realised how much she missed that. Being alone wasn't nearly as enjoyable an option as it had been mere months ago.

* * *

"Prodigal son returns home," Rachel said with a smile when Jack turned up early for his first shift. There was a sparkle in his eyes that she approved of. Whatever that woman who had been his landlady had said, it had worked wonders. He looked like he had gotten several good nights sleep in a row. He looked like he might be willing to commit to a relationship.

"Does the prodigal son get drinks shouted for him tonight?" he asked, and the way he smiled at her, even someone as clueless about relationships as Bart was grasped that it wasn't a group invitation. Jack had been doing a lot of thinking in the last few days, and he accepted that he couldn't spend his days feeling sorry for himself that Gabrielle didn't care about him the way she did Steve. Hadn't he already learnt from Terri that you couldn't _make_ someone forget an ex if they didn't want to?.It was time he got out there and started living his life again – after all he had promised Travis.

Rachel went through the day on cloud nine. Jack's attitude had completely changed, and she knew, just _knew_ that he was looking to the future – to moving on from Gabrielle, and to dating again. He had smiled at her differently than the way he usually did.

She was trying to locate the following week's rosters on the desk Frank and Zoe shared – much to Zoe's annoyance, Frank had his own somewhat eclectic style of filing, and she could never find anything of her own when she wanted to – because Frank had unceremoniously dumped responsibility of the nurses rosters onto her on account that the other nurses refused to touch it. Left none-too-discreetly on the desk was a police statement made by Gabrielle Jaeger against Steve Taylor, assault. Stapled to it was an AVO made by Gabrielle Jaeger against Steve Taylor. Curiosity getting the better of her, she read the two documents. She realised that the assault had happened the same night she had intercepted a call from Gabrielle to Jack. The phone call that she hadn't told Jack about.

Guilt flooded her. Useless now to tell herself that Gabrielle hadn't wanted to leave a message. Useless to tell herself that Gabrielle had chosen to be with Steve and had no claim on Jack. Useless to tell herself that she had only been trying to protect him – she couldn't deny that part of her had wanted to keep Gabrielle away from him for her own selfish reason. All she could clearly see in her brain was that Gabrielle had called for help and she had intercepted the line of communication.

She heard footsteps outside the door, and managed to put the documents back where she found them and grab the rosters and look perfectly innocent in time for Zoe to poke her head around the door. "There you are," she said, thinking that Rachel looked guilty about something but since Zoe didn't know about what had really happened between Gabrielle and Steve – Frank wasn't the kind of boss and Charlotte wasn't the kind of friend to pass on information like that, even if it would have been handy for Zoe to know – she didn't give it a second thought. "Look, since Jack doesn't finish until an hour after you anyway, i was wondering if you could stay later?"

Rachel found herself blushing. Everyone knew that she and Jack had made plans for drinks after work, she herself had been excited – but now there seemed something a bit seedy about it. She told herself not to be silly, it wasn't like she had lied to Jack about anything, she hadn't seen him since Mary had been brought in and today, so whatever choices he had made, he had made on his own. But she couldn't get rid of the guilty feeling and having everyone know that she and Jack had some kind of quasi-drinks-date planned made her feel like she had obtained it by deception. "That's fine," she choked out.

The rest of the day seemed to crawl by. Rachel couldn't get the words on the two documents out of her head. Steve had beaten her up at something, or at least gotten a vicious blow in – they didn't hand out AVOs for slaps, even unprovoked ones – and when she'd called for help, Rachel's mind had only been on keeping them apart. She knew, in her heart of hearts, Jack would have gone straight over and completely forgotten about his dinner plans with Rachel... but how could she enjoy being with him knowing what she knew?

It was none of their business, she told herself. She had stumbled onto something she wasn't meant to see and anyway, Jack and Gabrielle weren't together, never had been, and weren't even friends anymore. Surely if they were, Gabrielle would have tried harder to get in touch with him? This line of thinking buoyed her up for a little while.

When knocking-off time rolled around for both of them, she couldn't help but curse him silently because he'd managed to have a patient vomit all over him, which meant he needed a shower, which meant cute spiky damp hair. "Hey," he said. "Ready to go?"

"Uh... yeah," she said shyly. She felt her heart flutter when he brought his arm around her back, his hand on the small of her back to lead her. It wasn't quite the same as wrapping his arm around her waist, but still...

"Something up?" he asked after half an hour when he noticed Rachel was quiet and contributing almost nothing to the conversation."Sorry?"

"You've hardly said two words since we got here," he said. "Don't tell me that I finally get my act together and you're seeing someone else." Her heart fluttered again. Was he serious? Oh, this wasn't fair. "Look, I need time – I want us to get to know each other the way Gabby and I knew each other before anything else happens. But I realise I'm was just making myself miserable thinking that she was ever going to care about me the way I wanted her to so I need to move on."

He spoke those words with such sincerity that Rachel almost managed to choke down her confession. It wasn't fair that he should finally be at peace with his estrangement with Gabrielle and looking at her in the light she wanted him to... and she was the one who knew how they felt about her. "I took a phone call from her," she blurted out.

"Huh?"

"When we went to Thai, and you were in the shower... she called and I answered. I'm sorry, Jack, I just wanted to protect you. She didn't leave a message of it so I forgot about it... but today I was looking for the rosters and I found something on Frank's desk... the reason she's not here is that Steve beat her up, or hit her or something, badly enough that she made a police statement and got an AVO. I guess she was calling for help but I just figured – I don't know what I was thinking, Jack, but if I'd known..."

Jack sat silently. Part of him wanted to lash out at her, both for not passing on the message and for answering his phone in the first place. He forced himself to calm down. She had meant well, and he believed her that she would have passed on her call if she'd known what it was about. "You weren't to know," he said. "Listen, can we take a raincheck?" he asked, and it was clear he wanted to go to Gabrielle.

She nodded, trying to hide her disappointed. She figured it would have come out anyway, she was only saving herself more disappointment further down the track. "Thanks, you're sweet," he said, getting up and kissing her on the cheek. He rushed out the door and got in his car, starting the engine and driving off, exceeding the speed limit. He had no idea what he was going to do or say once he got there, only that he had to see her, had to hash things out for her.

It was obvious she had installed a sophisticated security system since he had last been over and he felt for her. She must really be frightened. He knocked on the door. "Gabby, it's Jack," he said. There was no idea, though he was sure he heard her skulking around the other side of the door. "Gabby, I know everything. I know about Steve and the police charge and the AVO and you calling me. Rachel wasn't being malicious, she just thought she was protecting me." Still no answer. "I'm going to stand here and yell through the doors and I don't care what the neighbours here. And I'm working back in the ED now, so if you call the police, you're going to look pretty stupid for sicking them onto _two_ of Frank's doctors."

Finally, he heard the _click_ of the lock mechanisms sliding out. "My God," he breathed when he saw Gabrielle's bruised, swollen face. "I'll kill him. No, I'll cut off his dick," he decided. "You don't get to do this to a woman and still call yourself a man."

He held out his hands to cup her face, and she pulled away. The sight of Jack made her heart ache, and she was worried if she let him touch her... "Go away, this is none of your concern," she said.

She tried to pushed him out the door but he was far stronger and quicker than her and pushed his way in. "I said get out," she snapped at him, and he noted there was no fear in her voice, only irritation – and sadness. She was tired and beaten in spirit and body, and Jack hated Steve for it, hated himself nor not realising the kind of man Steve was and doing something about it. What, he wasn't sure, but he could have done _something_.

"I've come to tell you I'm in love with you," he blurted out.

It was the wrong thing to say. She looked at him tiredly. So much had happened in the last few weeks and now she just wanted to be left alone. He claimed to be in love with her, but had been with other women. She could overlook Mercedes, especially in light of the guilt he had felt after, but couldn't overlook Rachel. It had been a knife to her heart every time she thought about them in bed together. She knew he hadn't owed her anything but it hadn't stopped her heart from breaking. "Go away, jack," she said tiredly. "You slept with someone else."

"Mercedes was a mistake," he insisted. "I _asked_ her if she was single. She lied to me."

"I'm not talking about Mercedes, Jack, I'm talking about Rachel/"

"I never slept with her.."

"What? She said she spent the night with you. And everyone knows how in love with you she is, and how much time you guys spent together. She answered your goddamn phone."

"She did. I just wanted the company. I knew how she felt about it – why d'you think I didn't sleep with her? Do you really think I could live with myself, having to work with her after doing something like that? And yeah, I have been spending a bit of time with her. She made me feel good about myself and I needed that. Besides," he added, his eyes narrowing at her hypocrisy, "_you_ slept with Steve."

At this reminder, she felt her eyes fill with tears. "I didn't, Jack. What do you think we were fighting over? We were _always_ finding over it, he was always pushing me. I'm frigid."

He was glad he didn't laugh, because Gabrielle was dead serious. But he had known her to come alive in his arms, even after Parker and his cronies had tried to rape her. "That's ridiculous," he said, ignoring the way her eyes flashed in anger when he said this. "Or were his charms enough to make you forget the way you were when we spent the night together?"

His sarcasm was singularly inappropriate. "Don't be a shit, Jack," she said. "You say you're in love with me, then how come you didn't fight for me? You know why I went with Steve? 'Cos he at least acted like he wanted to believe me. You paid me _no_ attention after we slept together, you made every excuse you could not to come down to the ward. What was I supposed to think? If you'd just goddamn told me how you felt I would never would have been with Steve and he would never have got it into his head he had a right to me so just leave me the hell alone, I don't want to here it – hey! Get your hands off me!"

Jack had lunged at her, some wild instinct kicking it and making him act. He knew that what he had in mind would either shake her out of her apathy, skittishness and resignation – or even further destroy her sense of security and tenuous grip on normality. He brought his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against him. For a few seconds he let her lash out at him with her fists until it actually hurt and reluctantly held them behind her. "Listen to me," he yelled at her over her own yelling voice. "I know you. I know the way you are with me. I know I make you feel safe and sexy. I know you know I'm not Parker or Steve or any of them. I'm me, Jack Quade, and I love you and I think you know that. I have done _everything_ _I could_ to make you feel safe but if that isn't enough, then say so and I'll never bother you again. Look at me and tell me you're scared of me. Look at me," he repeated, repositioning his hands so he could hold her wrists with one and wrenched her head so she was looking straight at him. "Say you're scared of me and I'll go," he said.

For a second their eyes locked and he prayed silently to a God he didn't even believe in that he'd gotten through to her. He _knew_ how she felt, but was that enough for her to find it in herself? Or was she determined not to trust any man ever again?

He felt her struggle to remove her wrists from his hold and he let go, and gut instinct told him that weather it was with passion or hatred, she would respond with the same violence he had just used...

... She brought her hands to the back of his head and wrenched it down hard enough that even in the heat of the moment, he could feel the strain. He just didn't care. She pushed her mouth against his and kissed him as hungrily as he used to kiss her. He responded, matching her heat, meeting her tongue with his own, bringing his arms back around her back, running his hands up and down her back, down her ass and thighs... he felt her hands pulling frantically at his shirt, moving up his back, and he bucked roughly against her at the feeling of her hands on his bare skin. "Baby, baby, I've missed you," he murmured huskily.

They ended up on the floor, pulling at each other's clothes, trying to get closer than was humanely possible, obeying a heat that was foreign even to them. He didn't need to ask if she was ready for him when they were naked, and he plunged into her. She gripped his shoulders tightly and wrapped her legs around his waist, climaxing for the first time quickly as he pumped her furiously, thrusting her hips and meeting him on every stroke.

She surprised him when she motioned for him to get on his back. He obliged her and was oddly pleased at the sensation of having her ride him – he rarely enjoyed being underneath, he'd always figured it had something to do with his abuse. He grabbed her hips tightly and went along for the ride, so to speak, bringing her to orgasm again before he came to a shuddering climax of his own.

After a few minutes, she climbed off him and lay on her side next to him. They lay in silence for a while before she asked tentatively. "Jack?"

"Mmmmm?" he wasn't really in a talking mood, but if it was what she needed...

"I don't understand. I mean, Steve was never rough like that – I mean, not until the last night – and I never enjoyed it like that."

He smirked. "I was just thinking I don't usually like being underneath. Actually, usually I can't stand it. I think it has something to do with what happened to me, I don't like having someone on top of me. But it's different with you. And maybe it's different _for_ you as well. You trust me. You feel safe with me."

She smiled at him and for a second it lit up her face and he could almost forget how awful her face looked. "That mean you trust me... you feel safe with me?" she asked.

"I guess so. I never thought about it like that."

She leaned in to kiss him. It was more gentle then their earlier kisses had been. Jack cupped her face with her hand until she flinched and pulled away. "Sorry," he said, realising he'd pressed his hand too hard against the bruised side of her face. He pushed her head up slightly so he could take another look at her. "If he ever contacts you, tell him he'd better stay the hell away from both of us or I really will kill him," he said quietly.

"I'd say he's long gone," she said. She didn't share Jack's loathing for Steve. She felt sorry for him. She had once loved him but now he was a wreck. Well, she had tried, and now he would have to do it on his own. She lay her cheek back of his chest and stroked his bare skin for a little while before erupting into a fit of giggles. "I really have to demand a higher standard from you, Jack. I keep letting you have your way with me wherever and whenever takes you fancy."

"You were totally hot for me every single time," he reminded her. He knew there was a long healing process ahead for both of them, but it was good that they could laugh about it. "And you, being the stubborn woman that you are, refused to admit it. D'you know how hard I had to work to get you to like me?"

"So... that big deal you made about needing to make our kisses look authentic... you just used that as an excuse to stick your tongue down my throat?" she asked. She couldn't believe it had taken her this long to figure out.

"I seem to recall someone taking potshots at my mother, enjoying the fact I couldn't do anything about it without exposing us," Jack retorted.

"Oh, come on, you loved it. I can't believe you'd let your sister say stuff like that to your girlfriend. And I got Bianca to quit, didn't I?"

"I never thought I'd find someone being so bitchy so sexy," Jack admitted. "I'm never going to cross _you_."

"Good. Because I won't tolerate violence or infidelity."

"Neither will I."

At her insistence, they moved to the bedroom, ordered Chinese and spent the night establishing what they wanted out of a relationship. It was one of the few things they had never really discussed, and they found they were perfectly compatible. "How in God's name are we going to explain this?" Gabrielle complained much, much later after they had worked up another sweat and completely messed up her bed. "People are going to talk something chronic." It really was too good _not_ to talk about.

"Let them talk. I love you. And I get to play knight in shining armour all over again."

"I love you too. But only for you will I play damsel in distress."

"What, that was your idea of damsel in distress? You were a pain in the ass every step of the way."

Laughing, she went to slap him playfully. He caught it easily, and pulled her close to him for a kiss, thinking as he ran his hands the length of her body that he no longer needed an excuse.

**THE END**


End file.
